Tag Archives: Zhao Benshan

7thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

we already showed you the hottie hotness in movies 2010, and then picked the breastest movies of the beastest of 2010 (with the late addition of Dogtooth!!), and now it’s time for everything else movies 2010!!! welcome to the…

7thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

now called

THE THIGHSMANS!!!


The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year


Trash Humpers

Valentine’s Day

Enter The Void*

Get Him To The Greek

& Clash of The Titans in ‘3-D’

*also happens to be one of the year’s bestest too!

_

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Most Overhyped
Most Boring Movie of The Year
That Has Only One Line of Dialog
Repeated 9272767 Times
You Seen My Daddy?


Winter’s Boring

runner down: True Grit

_

The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender


Red

Cop Out

Machete

Shutter Island

The Expendables

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

the reunion of Brian Cox and Paul Dano

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

Catfish, The Social Network, Enter The Void, TRON Legacy

Somewhere, Let Me In, I’m Still Here, Black Swan,

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World & Inception

and the wurst: Exit Through The Gift Shop

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Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!


& the wurstest ones

+ 18 minus boo-nus pts for the Takers one!!!

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Credits That Deserve Mad Credits


Enter The Void

_

The 1st Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Greta Gerwig

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Liam Neeson with 7 movies released in 2o10!!

_

Thighopening Call To Action!

thanks to Art of The Steal for forcing us to visit the Barnes Foundation at its real home in Merion, PA before it moves and that experience will never exist again and we’ll be even more super mad pissed than we are now!!

next up is getting laid in
the Blue Valentine future space sex room

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Bestest Wurstest Lines of The Year

&

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The KFC
Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award


Portman & her fingers in Black Swan

+ these other hotnessies

Shannon Twins’ pole dancing in Somewhere

Anne Hathway’s endless nudity in Sex & Other Drugs [NSFW]

Rachel McAdams’s morning glorious legs & tush

& Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s many colored wigs in Scott Pilg

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Movie Things That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us For The 1st Time

Mr Plinkett’s Star Wars Prequels Ass-Riping
But Well Thought Out Reviews!!

+ his love of pizza rolls
which he wants to mail to us!!

lime juice on theater popcorn!!!
(had at the Film Forum)

visiting the cinema treasure that is The Loews Jersey
(what took we so long??????)

& Ebert’s twitterings

_

Bestest Flix We Netted Or Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!

_

Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Dylan Riley Snyder

Izzy Meikle-Small

Kelly O’Neill

Emma Hinz

Eros Vlahos

Faith Wladyka

& the babies of Babies

_

Face Timeless



Zhao Benshan in Woman, A Gun and A Noodle Shop

_

Saddest Sadness
& The Infinite Sadness

we knew The White Stripes’ days were numbered
as soon as we saw this

_

Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

Daft Punk’s TRON Legacy score

Beck’s ‘Ramona’ from Scott Pilgs

The Langley Schools Music Project’s
‘Good Vibrations’ from Catfish

Scala & Kolacny Brothers’ cover
of ‘Creep’ from TSN teaser

any Phil Spector produced song in The Agony & Ecstasy

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross ‘In Motion’
from The Social Network

Clint Mansell’s ‘Perfection’ from Black Swan

Mike Zorin’s score to the Inception teaser trailer

anything on the Blue Valentine sdtrk

Nick Urata’s ‘Faking Death’ from Phil Morris [empee3]

Devendra Banhart & Beck’ ‘Life During Wartime’

& LFO’s ‘Freak’ from Enter The Void

_

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

44 Inch Chest

The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond

Faster

For Colored Girls

Furry Vengeance

Get Low

Harry Brown

How to Train Your Dragon

The Killer Inside Me

Make-Out with Violence

Rabbit Hole

The Spy Next Door

Trash Humpers

Touching Home

Unstoppable

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award


Hendrik von Bültzingslöwen

Wotan Wilke Möhring

Ophelia Lovibond

Sterling Cooper

BooBoo Stewart

Bingo O’Malley

Pleasant Wayne

Dossy Peabody

& Eros Vlahos

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Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 3D

a VHS tape, duct tape, a hand and
a whole lotta anger in Dogtooth

the way Leo DiCap says ‘Maaaaaaaaaaaaarssshal’
in Stutter Island

the glowing cockscapades at the sex hotel
@ the end of Enter The Void

the mousterpiece dioramas in Din for Schmucks
by the The Chiodo Brothers

finally figuring out what the dealio was with 
Pruitt Taylor Vince‘s eyes was was:
pathologic nystagmus

also, finally looking into what Fletch’s ‘Pup’ n’ Taco was!

Abraham Aronofsky’s resume

photo of the real Get Low guy attending his own funeral
which is 81889283838 times more interesting
than the actual movie

this college recruiting video starring a pre-Doors Morrison

The Fighter sisters > any other sisters

James Frain being a 7th rate Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg???

where they filmed Harry Brown

the only good kind of Plague

when Joan Rivers met Gwar

our collection of the moist flamous kisses EVER

& notmileycyrus.com

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Movies To Look
For In The ‘011


127 Ray Browers

Goy Story 3:16

Liam Neeson Ices Eastern Europeans

X-Men XII: Boyz II X-Men

Ranch Farts: A Nose Opening Documentary

Stephen King’s The Queen

Madoff Never Sleeps

10 Fast, 10 Furious
_

don’t forget to peep out our
’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

7 Comments

Choose Your Coen Adventure

A Woman, A Gun and A Noodle Shop
(San Qiang Pai An Jing Qi)

Romancing The Coens
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

It takes a lot of balls to remake a revered and belovededed film.  Usually the remaker isn’t even close to worthy of such an undertaking, and their results are closer to more worthlessnessness than opening a Woolworth’s Five & Dime.  Even done up by the hands of someone more accomplished, and James Worthy, there’s no guarantee that they can make a remake work.  Remember Gus van Sant’s take on Psycho?  We certainly hope not!!!!  Remember the Coen Bros’ Ladykillers?  You get the idea.  Speaking of… afer seeing The Coen BrosBlood Simple at Cannes twnetyish years ago, (worthy) Zhang Yimou (House of Flying Daggers) thought about giving the same story a go, but change the time and place, and add his usual flair and spin of the color wheel.  Amazingly, the Coens’ OKed the idea and what we have here is A Woman, A Gun and A Noodle Shop

If you’ve seen Blood Simple, then you purty much know what to expect (an über-jealous bidness man’s wife is stepping out on him with one of his employees, so said bidness man hires someone to bump them off, but the hired gun doesn’t kill em, AND THEN…), and if you haven’t seen BS, then you have no real reason or incentive to see Noodle, you noodle-head!!  But if you HAVE seen it, then you can certainly give its eastern brother from another mother a whirl (walk, don’t run)!  And while the pacing and atmosphere are kept in tact (but somehow feels a little slower than Simple), the style is all its own, with a dash of hit or miss humor.  It’s kinda worth seeing juss for Zhao Benshan‘s brief, yet unforgettable appearance as a googly-eyed police captain.  LOOK AT THIS FACE!!!!!  Maybe they shoulda scrapped the whole remake idea and made a flick all about his character, doing like Chinese Keystone Kop shaz with like chop sticks and ninja stars or any other Asian stereotypes one could think of!!!

North American Scum: remakes of American films are rarer than a rare steak cooked with the juice from the back of that upside-down plane stamp, but nones of them will ever top the blatant rip offs that are Turkish Star Wars or Bollywood Superman!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers, but only for superfans of Blood Simple

Noodle goes slurp in NY/LA only this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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