Still can’t make teads or hails of what Spencer Susser‘s Hesher was all about. We know it contains fantastic performances, and a really cool beat-up van, but the movie didn’t seem to know what to do with them. There’s a grieving father (Rainn Wilson) and his bullied son (Devin Brochu), who are ‘helped’ in the easing of their pain by a metalhead maniac stranger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) that appears out of nowhere and for no real reason, other than to drop some antic antics, which are the stuff quirky indie flicks are made of. You know, stuff like blowing up cars, trashing backyards, forcing grannys (Piper Laurie) to take bong hits, and talk dirty about vaginas, in front of clean nerdy women (an out of place Natalie Portman, with wretched 80s glasses), all done nonchalantly and with zero remorse. NOW THAT’S SOME MIGHTY STRANGE, BUT WELL NEEDED THERAPY FOR A FAMILY WHO JUST LOST THEIR MOTHER/WIFE!! Not really
Well, that pretty much sums up the plot of the plodding Hesher. And while the whole affair is rather scattershotty, there’s still something about it that kept it kinda chugging along, and that it is JGord-Levi. This depressed family may have indirectly needed JGC, but this movie directly didn’t need that family. Hesher should have been let loose on multiple families and passersby. You don’t cage an animal, you let it run free, and you know, let that animal blow up sh#t in different neighborhoods and get other grandmothers high
About Face: this guy is the best. he’s like a more awesomer, kookier Michael Richards. and it’s always a treat to see his face pop up in movies
Kenneth Branagh‘s Thor was some pretty darn decent superhero fun. T’was also unexpectedly mighty funnier than The Mini Page‘s Mighty Funny Mini Jokes (…who doesn’t love fish outta water situations)!!! And even though 1/2 of the flick takes place in a CGI eyesore in the sky (glad we didn’t see it in 3-D), everything we liked about Thor took place there (no thanks on the earthbound Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgård and Kat Dennings pointlessnessness). It’s also the paramount reason why this one feels different from all the other recent caped crusader pics – it has real mythology behind it, not juss mortal madness. And when yer playing with Gods (and monsters), you get to unleash the hammiest ham acting this side of an an Orson Welles’ performance. Anthony Hopkins (as papa Odin), Chris Hemsworth (our titular please do hurt them hammerer) and Tom Hiddleston (the mischievous Loki) all overdo it, but in a good good good way. The Clash of The Titans aimed for the same ham heights, but the ham they produced was more un-Kosher than… ham
Choosy Men Choose Sif: Jaimie Alexander plays Thor’s gal pal Sif, and we’re choosy, but we choose Sif!!!
Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Thor is currently hammering it home at a theater near jews
thanks to Art of The Steal for forcing us to visit the Barnes Foundation at its real home in Merion, PA before it moves and that experience will never exist again and we’ll be even more super mad pissed than we are now!!
Hey look, it’s Natalie Portman, in a movie!!!! Bet you didn’t see that one coming, now didja??? Don’t worry, she aint gettin busy with Ashton Kutcher in this one, and she is back in the bustle & muscle of NY, but no tutu frutu bidness this time round, but she does gots herself a different bundle of pressures & worries, but watching her go thru them and dealing with em here aint nearly as awesomes or satisfying as watching her masturbating. Can’t that juss be a requirement of all of her movie roles going forward? Damn you The Other Woman for having none of that finger sticking goodness!!!
Her pressures & worries here include be: getting over the death of her newborn daughter (is this Rabbit Hole 2? did anyone actually see Rabbit Hole 1?), not annoying her husband (normal, yet strange to get a grip on actor Scott Cohen), whom she stole away from his controlling first wife (Lisa Kudrow, in full-on fun bitch mode), and trying to win the approval of their offspring and her stepson, a highly intelligent, thighly awkward Jesse Eisenberg in training (Charlie Tahan, who is also the reincarnation of Steve Zahn at age 13, and also real-life brother to fellow actress Daisy Tahan). Shiz aint certainly easy, and disappointingly enuff, Portman aint eggzactly up to the task here (not to be confused with Steve Tasker). She’s too white swan, and not enuff gray swan!!!
The movie’s directed by Don Roos (The Opposite of Sex), from a novel with a better name by Ayelet Waldman, and while we don’t expect explosions from a $7 budget, we do expect something a lil more than something that feels like a first feature that has problems trying to sort out all of Portman’s problems that she’s having problems trying to problem solve (maybe that’s one of the reasons that this has been sitting on the shelf for over 2 years!). Still, can’t really hate on a movie that employs red-headers Lauren Ambrose and Anthony Rapp (we’re not gay, but we fell in love with him when he was a teen in Adventures In Babysitting), and that Charlie Tahan kid is totally a fantastic lil budding actor who one day may be the next Steve Zahn, if he isn’t already Steve Zahn!?!?!??!?!
2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman! so I’m not gay!). anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…