I’ve missed Natalie Portman, and I feel like she hasn’t really done anything post-Black Swan, which somehow was 6/7 years ago. Yes, I know she was in Thor and in that dumb Ashcan Kruncher flick, and other stuff, but those were juss movies, not films. Natalie can obviously pick and choose whatever she wants to do – she’s earned that right – but being such an incredible actress means she has a responsibility to take on incredible roles
I’d like to say that Natalie Portman’s proper follow-up to Black Swan is Pablo Larraín & Noah Oppenheim‘s Jackie Kennedy film, where she somehow is even more graceful, tortured and emotionally wounded than when she was as a ballerina bent on finding perfection. Jackie is not perfect (it’s close, but there’s not enough grassy knoll for me :), but it is what it needs to be, and Portman as Jackie IS perfection
Throughout the course of the film, Jackie goes from white swan, to white swan covered in blood, to even whiter swan, and by the end of it all, I somehow I felt more compassion for Portman (as Jackie), then I actually do for Jackie Kennedy, for enduring and rising above the horrific death of her husband, and the leader of the free world
What the country went through is incomparable to what Jackie went though, but in a time of much awfulness, she had the right mind to plan a sendoff for JFK worthy of royalty, and cement his legacy and place in history for eons to come. What Jack Kennedy accomplished in office wasn’t much (he didn’t get a chance to put man on Uranus), but what Jackie Kennedy accomplished in giving dignified life to his death was more than a lot, it was Camelot!
Portman also accomplishes something that wasn’t important or needed – reminding me how much I love Love LOVE seeing her on the big screen
Bonus points to the film for somehow turning Greta Gerwig into a real human being. Never seen her so un-loopy and restrained. And props to Peter Sarsgaard for giving new life to RFK, without going haaaard on the look or accent that most others usual do in Bobby’s shoes. Also, Billy Crudup and John Hurt are quiet great as listeners for Jackie
Also, we finally have a definitive Jackie movie. before Portman, all we had was this…
Verdictgo: Portman is Breast In Show, but the film is Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers
Jackie is way JF O-Kay at a theater near jews AND white nationalists
Still can’t make teads or hails of what Spencer Susser‘s Hesher was all about. We know it contains fantastic performances, and a really cool beat-up van, but the movie didn’t seem to know what to do with them. There’s a grieving father (Rainn Wilson) and his bullied son (Devin Brochu), who are ‘helped’ in the easing of their pain by a metalhead maniac stranger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) that appears out of nowhere and for no real reason, other than to drop some antic antics, which are the stuff quirky indie flicks are made of. You know, stuff like blowing up cars, trashing backyards, forcing grannys (Piper Laurie) to take bong hits, and talk dirty about vaginas, in front of clean nerdy women (an out of place Natalie Portman, with wretched 80s glasses), all done nonchalantly and with zero remorse. NOW THAT’S SOME MIGHTY STRANGE, BUT WELL NEEDED THERAPY FOR A FAMILY WHO JUST LOST THEIR MOTHER/WIFE!! Not really
Well, that pretty much sums up the plot of the plodding Hesher. And while the whole affair is rather scattershotty, there’s still something about it that kept it kinda chugging along, and that it is JGord-Levi. This depressed family may have indirectly needed JGC, but this movie directly didn’t need that family. Hesher should have been let loose on multiple families and passersby. You don’t cage an animal, you let it run free, and you know, let that animal blow up sh#t in different neighborhoods and get other grandmothers high
About Face: this guy is the best. he’s like a more awesomer, kookier Michael Richards. and it’s always a treat to see his face pop up in movies
Kenneth Branagh‘s Thor was some pretty darn decent superhero fun. T’was also unexpectedly mighty funnier than The Mini Page‘s Mighty Funny Mini Jokes (…who doesn’t love fish outta water situations)!!! And even though 1/2 of the flick takes place in a CGI eyesore in the sky (glad we didn’t see it in 3-D), everything we liked about Thor took place there (no thanks on the earthbound Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgård and Kat Dennings pointlessnessness). It’s also the paramount reason why this one feels different from all the other recent caped crusader pics – it has real mythology behind it, not juss mortal madness. And when yer playing with Gods (and monsters), you get to unleash the hammiest ham acting this side of an an Orson Welles’ performance. Anthony Hopkins (as papa Odin), Chris Hemsworth (our titular please do hurt them hammerer) and Tom Hiddleston (the mischievous Loki) all overdo it, but in a good good good way. The Clash of The Titans aimed for the same ham heights, but the ham they produced was more un-Kosher than… ham
Choosy Men Choose Sif: Jaimie Alexander plays Thor’s gal pal Sif, and we’re choosy, but we choose Sif!!!
Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Thor is currently hammering it home at a theater near jews
thanks to Art of The Steal for forcing us to visit the Barnes Foundation at its real home in Merion, PA before it moves and that experience will never exist again and we’ll be even more super mad pissed than we are now!!
Jackie To Live and Die With Dignity Official Site | Trailer & Mo R | 100 min I’ve missed Natalie Portman, and I feel like she hasn’t really done anything post-Black Swan, which somehow was 6/7 years ago. Yes, I know she was in Thor and in that dumb Ashcan Kruncher flick, and other stuff, but those were juss […]
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Bleed For This THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! Official Site | Trailer & Mo PG-13 | 117 min Do you know the story of boxer Vinny Pazienza? If not, stop reading and go see Bleed For This! If you do, continue to read AND then go see Bleed For This!! Everyone loves an movie about an underdog, hispecially a sports one, where […]
I bought more CDs this year than I probably have in an entire decade! it’s TRUE!!!! I WILL NOT LET PHYSICAL MEDIA DIE!!! here’s what I listened to in 2016!! all certified thightastic! – you know my theory – see your favorite musicians in concert before you or they die… Live By Night! Raul Malo […]
you know the drill – 2016 was all Tronald Dump, and Gigi Hadon’t and bunch of other garbage szauce, but 2017 is gonna be different, and amazing, and awesome szauce. There may be some KKK, but don’t worry, everything will be A-OKKKK. How do we know? We juss do. Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and […]
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TWS turns 12 today. one more year and it becomes a man if you missed anything in year 12, here ye blow… Smells Like Teen Dispirited The 2015 Thighsmans bless you Callahan!! Thighs Wide Movies 2015 The Welles Report Ohhhh Fuuudge! GibsiHana Auf […]
we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2015 and now, for the only awards that matter… Twelvethie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!! _ The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!! Me and Earl and The Dying Girl this movie makes me so mad cause it tries so […]