Tag Archives: Natalie Portman

White Swan Song

Jackie
To Live and Die With Dignity
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 100 min

I’ve missed Natalie Portman, and I feel like she hasn’t really done anything post-Black Swan, which somehow was 6/7 years ago.  Yes, I know she was in Thor and in that dumb Ashcan Kruncher flick, and other stuff, but those were juss movies, not films.  Natalie can obviously pick and choose whatever she wants to do – she’s earned that right – but being such an incredible actress means she has a responsibility to take on incredible roles

I’d like to say that Natalie Portman’s proper follow-up to Black Swan is Pablo Larraín & Noah Oppenheim‘s Jackie Kennedy film, where she somehow is even more graceful, tortured and emotionally wounded than when she was as a ballerina bent on finding perfection.  Jackie is not perfect (it’s close, but there’s not enough grassy knoll for me :), but it is what it needs to be, and Portman as Jackie IS perfection

Throughout the course of the film, Jackie goes from white swan, to white swan covered in blood, to even whiter swan, and by the end of it all, I somehow I felt more compassion for Portman (as Jackie), then I actually do for Jackie Kennedy, for enduring and rising above the horrific death of her husband, and the leader of the free world

What the country went through is incomparable to what Jackie went though, but in a time of much awfulness, she had the right mind to plan a sendoff for JFK worthy of royalty, and cement his legacy and place in history for eons to come.  What Jack Kennedy accomplished in office wasn’t much (he didn’t get a chance to put man on Uranus), but what Jackie Kennedy accomplished in giving dignified life to his death was more than a lot, it was Camelot!

Portman also accomplishes something that wasn’t important or needed – reminding me how much I love Love LOVE seeing her on the big screen

Bonus points to the film for somehow turning Greta Gerwig into a real human being.  Never seen her so un-loopy and restrained.  And props to Peter Sarsgaard for giving new life to RFK, without going haaaard on the look or accent that most others usual do in Bobby’s shoes.  Also, Billy Crudup and John Hurt are quiet great as listeners for Jackie

Also, we finally have a definitive Jackie movie.  before Portman, all we had was this…

YES!

Verdictgo: Portman is Breast In Show, but the film is Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Jackie is way JF O-Kay at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

Natalie Portman’s 19th Movie of 2011

Hesher
Head Banging Bungling
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
R | 100 min

Still can’t make teads or hails of what Spencer Susser‘s Hesher was all about.  We know it contains fantastic performances, and a really cool beat-up van, but the movie didn’t seem to know what to do with them.  There’s a grieving father (Rainn Wilson) and his bullied son (Devin Brochu), who are ‘helped’ in the easing of their pain by a metalhead maniac stranger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) that appears out of nowhere and for no real reason, other than to drop some antic antics, which are the stuff quirky indie flicks are made of.  You know, stuff like blowing up cars, trashing backyards, forcing grannys (Piper Laurie) to take bong hits, and talk dirty about vaginas, in front of clean nerdy women (an out of place Natalie Portman, with wretched 80s glasses), all done nonchalantly and with zero remorse.  NOW THAT’S SOME MIGHTY STRANGE, BUT WELL NEEDED THERAPY FOR A FAMILY WHO JUST LOST THEIR MOTHER/WIFE!!  Not really

Well, that pretty much sums up the plot of the plodding Hesher.  And while the whole affair is rather scattershotty, there’s still something about it that kept it kinda chugging along, and that it is JGord-Levi.  This depressed family may have indirectly needed JGC, but this movie directly didn’t need that family.  Hesher should have been let loose on multiple families and passersby.  You don’t cage an animal, you let it run free, and you know, let that animal blow up sh#t in different neighborhoods and get other grandmothers high

About Face: this guy is the best. he’s like a more awesomer, kookier Michael Richards.  and it’s always a treat to see his face pop up in movies

that guy is

Frank Collison

watch his work/face!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hesh messes in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

Norse By Norsewest

Thor
Thunder Claps
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Kenneth Branagh‘s Thor was some pretty darn decent superhero fun.  T’was also unexpectedly mighty funnier than The Mini Page‘s Mighty Funny Mini Jokes (…who doesn’t love fish outta water situations)!!!  And even though 1/2 of the flick takes place in a CGI eyesore in the sky (glad we didn’t see it in 3-D), everything we liked about Thor took place there (no thanks on the earthbound Natalie PortmanStellan Skarsgård and Kat Dennings pointlessnessness).  It’s also the paramount reason why this one feels different from all the other recent caped crusader pics – it has real mythology behind it, not juss mortal madness.  And when yer playing with Gods (and monsters), you get to unleash the hammiest ham acting this side of an an Orson Welles’ performance.  Anthony Hopkins (as papa Odin), Chris Hemsworth (our titular please do hurt them hammerer) and Tom Hiddleston (the mischievous Loki) all overdo it, but in a good good good way.  The Clash of The Titans aimed for the same ham heights, but the ham they produced was more un-Kosher than… ham

Choosy Men Choose Sif: Jaimie Alexander plays Thor’s gal pal Sif, and we’re choosy, but we choose Sif!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Thor is currently hammering it home at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

btw, Thor is NOT a homo

1 Comment
eXTReMe Tracker