showed yous the hottie hotness in movies of the 2011

picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2011

and now…

8thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

The Death To Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year

Sucker Punch

The Beaver

& Transformers 1924253

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The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Miranda July Movie
With A Talking Cat

The Future

runner down

 Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

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The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender

The Hangover Part II

Hanna

In Time

The Ides of March

Our Idiot Brother

30 Minutes or Less

Unknown

The Green Hornet

The Guard

_

in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor
we are renaming our trailers award (for now)…

 Tinkered, Trailers, Awesome, Thighs

Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!

& the wurstest ones eses eesses  essesses

and the worstest of the year???

WORST POSTER EVER????

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Credits That Deserve Mad Credits

James Bond With A Dragon Tattoo

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The 2nd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Jennifer Lawrence

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Jessica Chastain & Michael Fassbender
came close with 6 flix each 

but not even they could top

John Savage 

who had 8 flix in 2011!!

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Bestest Line of The Year

‘I put on a granny wig and I made me a fat suit. You know what a fat suit is? Like in Norbit?‘

or pretty much anything Joyce McKinney says

& sorta the 2nd best and kinda the most worst

‘I have to help Charles finish his movie‘

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The Gifs That Keeps On Gifing

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The KFC
Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award

Fassbender’s subway glances
make girls go wetty wetty

& pretty much every scene in Shame

+ these other hotnessies

we want teacher Eva Green to pet us

Dunst’s nude moonbathing

69% of Sleeping Beauty

Knightley’s daily moans

that catfish banging that woman???

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Movie Things
That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us 

the launch of our sister site Quiet On The Sets

Tom Kruse

silent pianist Ben Model

VHS Dreams

Panel Discussion

The Kove

Addams Family + Tag Team = ‘Addams Family (Whoomp!)’

this guy and his wife

Kirkstart My Heart

Ghanaian movie posters

Jake Busey as a child

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Bestest Flix We Netted / Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!

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Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Steve Zahn Charlie Tahan

Clare Foley

Amelia Clarkson

Amara Miller

Laramie Eppler

Jasper Newell

Kimia Hosseini

_

Face Timeless

Brady (fake Michael Pitt) Corbet’s face, in anything

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Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

‘Immigrant Song‘ by Karen O, Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

‘Nightcall‘ by Kavinsky featuring Lovefoxxx

‘Man or A Muppet?‘

anything Cliff Martinez scored

Harry Escott’s ‘Shame Suite’

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Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

Rubber

The Thing

The Big Bang

A Screaming Man

The Bang Bang Club

My Afternoons with Margueritte

My Piece of the Pie

The Beaver

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Bonecrusher the Mastiff 

Clement von Franckenstein

Raphaël Personnaz

Pure Watanabe

Ludger Pistor

Bitsie Tulloch

& Oona Service

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Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 9D

Gary Oldman’s fantastic portrayal of Bill Nighy

what’s the story with
J Edgar Hoover & Shirley Temple?

Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation

hidden titties in Disney’s The Rescuers!!!

Linda Manz Kills All Hippies

Roland Emmerich’s house

Stand By Me turns 20

 Rachael Blake’s cold eyes in Sleeping Beauty

Casey Siemaszko’s sister is alive and adorable

Laurence Olivier had his own brand of cigarettes?? 

The Bobbediest & Flapper Dapperiest
Filmed Entertainments of 2011

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Movies To Look
For In The ‘012

What About Bobbed?

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never Again Again in 4D

We Brought A Zardoz

Uranus Needs Moms

Cowboys & Raelians

Currencytesticle

Martha Marcy May Marlene II: Martha Marcy May Marlene Mabel Megan Mallory Medea Mona Myrtle Melinda & Melinda

11 Fast, 11 Furious
_

don’t forget to peep out our
’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

movies are amazing, and so are you

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Future
Time Stopper
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 91 min

It’s been 6 long years since Miranda July capitvated our minds and imginations with her stunning feature length film debut Me and You and Everyone We Know, and also 6 long years we’ve been foaming at the mouth in anticipation for her follow-up.  Is July’s The Future the future we’ve always dreamed of?  In a word – NO

Not for a lack of trying, and boy does July give it a try, but this trying is very trying, tiring, and an out flat annoying adventureless adventure.  If yer fan of MaYaEWK, yer gonna be very tempted to see The Future, but all it’s gonna do is make you long for the past.  We’re not julying to you.  It is truth!!  July will make you long for winter.  Enter and you’ll be stuck with the dog days of July… in July!!!

So what’s The Future all about?  July and boyfriend Hamish Linklater (July, if she was a man, with a less grating voice) want to adopt a cat, but the cat they want is sick and needs another month to get better before they can take it home.  So… in the ensuing month, July & Hamish decide to re-evaluate their lives.  They quit their jobs, and she decides to post strange dances daily to the web, while he decides to save the world thru door to door soliciting.  Their paths diverge, and the movie does too, into an inane exercise in inane exercises of quirky quirkedness.  She shacks up with an older man with a steady life (that guy David Warshofsky), while he talks to the moon and stops time.  Sounds kinda cool, but it isn’t, and to make things even more irritating, the sick cat narrates the film from a cage, with a voice that is even more grating than July’s, which is not sirprizing since July is the voice of the cat

You’d be better off locking yerself in a cage and letting a cat scratch yer ears off and eyes out than going out to see and listen to this whatever this was.  Sounds like Slit Yer Eyes Out matz, but it’s not quite at that level of awfulness.  There is some thought that she put into this, but we juss don’t like what she was thinking

The First Family of Quirk: in 4real life, July is married to director Mike Mills.  wonder if she was the inspiration for the Mélanie Laurent character in Beginners?????  who knows, but czech out this snap from their wedding.  it’s purty much how we’d imagine their wedding would look like, cept maybe with more wool sweaters and more curly-haired guests

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

The Future is past boo in NY this Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Me and You and Everyone We Know
Bo May Know Diddley
But You Don’t Know Jack… About This Movie
View Trailer

Him Her And All These People We Shazzle is not for everyone (meaning Death Cab For Cutie and Metallica fans), but it was mos certainly for me. It’s hard to describe why I heart this movie so much, since it was Napoleonic Dynamited devoid of a fluid story structure, and was kinda quirky for the sake of being quirky, but it spoke to me in a way that most movies these days, even chez ghetto independent ones, can’t. It was kinda like water for chocolate wandering through a dream that doesn’t have much rhyme or reason, but it all makes such perfect sense. Sorry if that doesn’t make perfect sense to you. Anylays, Me and You is one of dem ensemble pieces, where the characters are all related in sum sorta unrelated related way, like on The OC, cept with a much crisper dialog, or any of that pretentious Robert Altman or PT Anderson bullshednessnees (aka, its not 3 hours of painful fulpainness). All the credit goes to first time director and lead actress Miranda July. She’s like that chick in yer 8th grade art class whom you’d never think about railing against a wall cause she looks like she eats tunafish all day long, but come high school, she’s still a basket case, but juss a wee bit more sexier that you’d totally take her to a 10,000 Maniacs concert and double fist her til Miranda December. I’m gonna keep my eye on her and you should too, cause this here flizz is a Muss C… if you happen to not like Ben Gibbard or Lars Ulrich, snatchurally.

Recommended for those who like: poop humor (not to be confused with toilet/Frat Pack humor), Nam June Paik, and goldfishes in a bag.

Possible Porno Name: Me, You, And Everyone Else Who Boned Your Mother

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix the Talking Heads’ flick True Stories, or better yet, juss eric plunk down some cashies and buy the soundtrack too!

Broken Flowers
Sizzlin In The Deadpan
View Trailer

Tissit juss me or is the plot of this flick the reverse of A Life Crapareffic with Steve Zissou? In Zissou, Murray may or may not have fathered an illegitimate son, who one day shows up on his doorstep (or is it plank?), which then gives new meaning to his otherwise dreary eggsistance. In Flowers, Murray learns that he may or may not have fathered an illegitimate son, and goes on a search to find him, which may or may not give new meaning to his otherwise dreary eggsistance. Either way, this journey is much more mary worth partaking in than Wes Anderson’s first ever disappointment. In Flowers Murray is an aging Don Juan named Don Johnston. You think it sounds similar to Don Johnson, right? Well so do a bunch of the characters he meets along the way, for our amusement, not his. Anywho, the flick plays out like a bunch of mini-stories, with Murray reuniting with some of his past flames who may or may not have fathered his son. Each segment contains their own juicy morsels of enjoyment, but as a whole it doesn’t register the emotional impact that J Jarmusch was aiming for. Nonetheless, this is mos def worth some peepage, hispecially if yer a fan of Murray’s work as of late. But don’t think that this is The Bill Murray show, although he is in every frame of the movie, cause the brother is supported by one of the strongest casts I’ve seen in ages (yes, even better than Sin City): Jeffery Wright (who should be in EVERY movie if I had my way), Tilda Swinton (barely recognizable), Sharon Stone (back to form… as a flighty ho-bag), Ruth Fisher (in Ruth Fisher mode… depressed… and married to Shooter MacGavin), Jessica Lange (a middle-class man’s Meryl Streep), and Julie Delpy (who I’d love to FRENCH kiss while drinking Perrier). Sad they didn’t cast his Coffee and Cigarettes pals the RZA and the GZA, cause that woulda be even more magical.

Recommended for those who like: seeing this girl a bit more growns up AND nekkid, Mapquest, and Bill Murray’s real son, Homer.

Possible Porno Name: Broken Penis & The Deflowered Whorebitches

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Roxanne