Now You See Me
Hand of Sleight
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 113 min

I love magic.  I love movies. I love movies about magic.   I love movie magic.  I love Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Mélanie Laurent, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine & even Dave Franco (when James is unavailable).  Wait, all of these things are in one movie????  HOW IS THIS A REAL MOVIE???  But don’t get too excited cause this thing they’re in was directed by Louis Leterrier, captain of the two Transporter movies + Clash of The Disaster + that 2nd Hulk movie everyone already forgot about.  And guess what, don’t get too excited in general, cause the result – Now You See Me – is an illusion of entertainment.  You’ll be tricked into being entertained, but really, the dupe’s on you, dope!  You somehow sit thru this inane routine, and the only thing that’s really vanishing is your time and money  

Sure, Now You See Me isn’t even on the same planet as the UMmazing Prestige or even the usey illusiony The Illusionist, BUT even though NYSM is totally refarted, it is totally totally watchable dumbitity, cause EISENBERG’S NOT STEALING FACEBOOKS! AND RUFFALO LOOKING UNSHAVED GRUFFALOOO!!!!  AND WOODY HARRELSON KNOCKING WOOD (not really)! AND ISLA IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE!!! AND LAURENT IS ALSO SO FINE AND SO CUTE SPEAKING IN ENGRISH!!! AND MORGAN FREEMAN IS SO OLD AND WISE AND HIS SMILES MELT SCREENS AS HE COLLECTS ANOTHER PAYCHECK!! AND MICHAEL CAINE DOES AN AMAZING MICHAEL CAINE IMPERSONATION!!! AND DAVE FRANCO IS LIKE JAMES FRANCO BUT YOUNGER AND LESS LEARNDEDED!!!!  And in nothing roles, they threw in real actors to play them, like that guy Michael Kelly, and Common, and that other that guy David Warshofsky!!

There’s nothing up any sleeves here, but sometimes it’s OK to pull from the bottom of the deck/dreck cause WE’D WATCH THIS CAST DO ANYTHING, EVEN KNIT SWASTIKA SWEATERS!!!

Verdictgo: high end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Now You See Me sees you today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

Sidney

‘The Father of Those Bazongas‘

Lumet

1924 – 2011

his body of work speaks for itself, but wanted to single out his Murder on the Orient Express, but only cause Albert Finney looks amazing with slicked hair and a mustache and a Belgian accent

Harry Brown
Brown v. The Bored & Uneducated
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Michael Caine‘s been down the shoot em up road before, as he’s gottsen Carter and filed Ipcress, but them pics were ages ago.  Since then, the artist formerly known as Maurice Micklewhite hasn’t really had the chance to pick up a gun, since he’s been recently used as a supporter of others (Batman’s butler, Clive Owen’s pot toking prof pal in Children of Men, and juss being a wise grandpa in a plethora of solid movies).  In Harry Brown, Caine’s history of violence is no longer history, and it’s a delight, cause as everyone knows old people kicking ass totally kicks ass, especially in movie form!!!  It’s a genre that always delivers, and wholly entertains, juss like body switching movies!!  Now if only someone made an old person body-switching kicking ass movie!!!!

Caine plays the title character, a pensioner who’s had enuff of the street hooligans (including Skins‘ Jack O’Connell) running rampant round his downtrodden South London housing estate (see below for more on the actual location).  After his BFF (David Bradley, that creepy Hogwarts caretaker dude) is killed by some of dem cockney slang slingers, and the police are, naturally, of no help (although Emily Mortimer tries), he decides takes matters into his own hands.  WATCH OUT YOU DANG KIDS, CAUSE GRAMPY’S PISSED AND COMING AFTER YOU!!!!

Brown is slain and pimple the UK’s answer to Gran Torino, with oodles more grit and violence (the one scene inside the drug dealer’s lair is scary as fork!!!), yet isn’t exactly able to dispense the emotional wallop quite like Eastwood’s modern day masterpiece did.  No knock against Daniel Barber‘s directorial debut, cause his geezer Death Wish is a delicious and diligent vigilante fantasy, but old Dirty Harry’s always gonna beat out old Harry Brown in any comparison… unless of course they switch bodies!!

Estatements: you knows we loves rundown London neighborhoods as movie backdrops, or maybe you didn’t, but you should loves em too!  Harry Brown took place and was filmed in the hellhole known as the Aylesbury Estate.  czech out these here beautiful/ugly pics

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Harry carries it in NY/LA/SF & Chi-twon today and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…