think they made new music in 2012.  coulda fooled us.  won’t be fooled again.  fool me once, and we won’t listen to new fool music ever again.  we doesn’ts, unless it’s from Ladytron or…

You Can Call
These Al-bums!!!

If Jack White Releases An Album They/I Will Come

Jack White – Blunderbuss

Warm Facts: Rodriguez Lives!

Rodriguez – Cold Facts

–

Tunses For Toonces

‘Let My Baby Ride’ accordion style for Holy Motors | ‘Splitting The Atom’ by Massive Attack featuring Horace Andy | ‘DoYaThing’ by Gorillaz featuring Andre 3000 and James Murphy | ‘Razzmatazz’ by Pulp | ‘Bend Me, Shape Me’ by The American Breed | ‘Shambala’ by Three Dog Night | ‘Superstar’ by Keita Asari | ’25 or 6 to 4′ by Chicago | ‘The Logical Song’ by Supertramp | ‘You’re So Good to Me’ by The Beach Boys | ‘That’s Why God Made The Radio’ by The Beach Boys | ‘Love Interruption’ by Jack White | ‘Take Me With You When You Go’ by Jack White | ‘Skyfall’ by Adele | ‘Skyfall’ by Adele | ‘Diamonds’ by Rihanna | ‘Under The Westway’ by Blur | ‘Ici Londres’ by Chiara Mastroianni & Paul Schneider | ‘Sugar Man’ by Rodriguez | ‘Lady D’Arbanville’ Cat Stevens cover by Elton John | ‘Wicked Game’ by Gemma Hayes | ‘Room 237 – Dies Irae (End Titles)’ by Jonathan Snipes

[d-lode all in one handy zip!!!!!]

(look for ‘Click here to start download from sendspace’)

–

Dangerously They Live

show of the year - Pulp @ RCMH

The Beach Boys/Al Jardine’s Face @ Beacon Theatre

Jack White @ Roseland Ballroom

The Polyphonic Spree @ Webster Hall

Neil Diamond @ Jones Beach

The Beach Boys/Al Jardine’s Face @ Jones Beach

Rodriguez @ Sixth & I Historic Synagogue

ZZ Top & Lynyrd Skynyrd @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in MISSOURI!

Clannad @ NYSFEC

Donovan @ NYSFEC

Matthew Friedberger’s awful show @ Le Poisson Rouge

Leonard Cohen @ MSG

–

look familiar????

–

BADBYE :(

goodbye Dick

goodbye Davy

goodbye Adam

and here’s what we stuffed in the past

’11
’10
’09
’08
’07
’06
’05
’04
’03

The Impossible
Wave of Mutilation
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Remember that horrrrrrrrrible tsunami of 2004?  Unless you live in that part of the world and/or were directly affected by it, probably not.  You moved on with yer life, worrying about how Lost would end or if the world was going to end if Mitt Romney became the president.  Well, Lost‘s ending sucked, and even if Mitty had won, the world wouldn’t have ended.  But for those who endured that tsunami, the world might as well have ended, as their world would never be the same, regardless of how awful Lost ended.  Sometimes we need tragic events turned into viewing ‘entertainment’, lest we forget them, and so maybe we can better understand them, even if there’s nothing to understand, cause sometimes bad sh!t happens to good people (and also to bad people)

For one such family, the Belons, tragedy struck, but they got lucky.  How lucky? Well, you’ll juss have to see their Impossible tale to find out.  But in order to make the movie more sell-able, the real life Spanish clan was transformed into an English one (but at least the director & writer remained Spanish – The Orphanage dudes - Juan Antonio Bayona + Sergio G Sánchez!).  Get over the white-washing, cause it doesn’t matter what the nationality of the family is, cause natural disasters are nationality-blind.  Also, you can’t really do wrong by making Naomi Watts & Ewan McGregor yer matri & patriarch.  Their boys are Tom Holland, Oaklee Pendergast & Samuel Joslin.  All 5 screen family members’ performances are incredible (especially eldest son Holland’s.  I say Oscar nomination worthy!), and what happens to them cinematically is even more incredible.  Remember that crazed tsunami scene that opened Clint Eastwood’s tepid Hereafter?  Udder 0s & 1s GARBAGE, hispecially when compared with the impossible possibly seen in The Impossible!!!!

Some people will find The Impossible to be nuttin but torture porn.  If that’s the case, why don’t you ask the Belons how porny their torturous experience was.  Be thankful this didn’t happen to you when you went on some vacation, JERK!!!

Also, how could you not want to see a movie where you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all?!??!?!?

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

The Impossible is umpossible today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jack Reacher
Preacher Comforts
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 130 min

December is a month of endless Oscar-baiting fare, where the movies are bloated, depressing and hard to watch.   Christopher McQuarrie‘s Jack Reacher is the antidote to all that stuff, and Jack Reacher is nothing without one of the last movie stars standing, standing tall (even though he’s not so tall) - Tom Cruise.  Tom is Jack, a loner, Dottie, a rebel.  Whether you can believe that Tom Cruise could pass as a drifter matters very little, cause basically Jack Reacher is a looser Mission: Impossible, which means it’s more fun, and sirprizingly, and most welcomelyer, funnier!   What more do you need to know?  You don’t, but we’ll go on for a little bit more anywayz

Our movie starts off with a sniper randomly picking off people, but MAYBE THE VICTIMS AREN’T RANDOM?!??!?!  The sniper is caught, but MAYBE THE CAUGHT SNIPER ISN’T THE ACTUAL SNIPER?!?!??!?  The DA’s office (Richard Jenkins and David Oyelowo, who’s like 2nd second coming of Chiwetel Ejiofor) thinks it’s an open and shut case.  The alleged sniper’s lawyer (bouncy Rosamund Pike) thinks so too, but is juss looking for the best possible verdict that isn’t punishable by death.  Enter Jack Reacher, the only man who can possibly save the alleged sniper, and maybe save the day too.  Guess what, he might juss do all of these things, AND go toe to toe with baddie Werner Herzog (I laughed out loud EVERY time he spoke on screen, partly cause it’s ridiculous, but mostly cause casting Werner Herzog as a bad guy is a stroke of genius and awesomeness and amazingnessness and I couldn’t get over that fact!!!).  Robert Duvall pops in towards the end, and his no country for old man old man-ness only adds to the nutty bar fun, cause Robert Duvall characters wouldn’t have it any other way!!!!

But does Tom Cruise run in this movie?  A little, but he drives, cause he’s so driven, and the driving is FCUKING OFF THE BAKER’S RACK!!!!!!  And there’s punching!  And there’s more punching!  And gunfights!  AND LAUGHTER!  And a killer scene where two thugs have a great chance of taking out Cruise, but they keep on taking out each other.  OH REACHER!!!! YOU MAKE US WANT TO GIVE YOU A REACH-A-ROUND!!!!!!! Please people, go see this movie, so it does well and they greenlight 12 more of these, cause that’s what the world needs!!!  REACHER!!!  He should fight Arthur Treacher’s in the sequel, cause they suck!!!  TREACHER!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

3 Furious : please, never slow down

Alexia Fast

Jack Reacher reaches out and touches everyone at a theater near jews this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

WHEN IS DECEMBER 20th GONNA BECOME AN INTERNATIONAL HOLIDAY CELEBRATING THE DAY THE BREAST OF THE BREASTSESES (PINDER & REYNOLDS) BREATHED THEIR FIRST BREAST BREATHS???????????

wait, there’s ANOTHER breast breaster born on this day too????

unrelated related note – LONG LIVE TARA REID’S BOOB SLIP!!! [NSFW]

Leonard Cohen
Madison Square Garden
December 18th

Oh Leonard.  You did it again.  And it was JUST as amazings as the first time, but now it was the second time.  Your voice was still gravelly, but it was still like silk gravel!!  Most incredible thing about Leonard Cohen?  He’s 78 and gets down on his knees more than a 24 hour hooker who never takes a vacation.  Lenny, you wearing knee pads or did you get robo-knee implants?  Wanna be the running back for the Jets?  Second most incredible thing about Leonard Cohen?  He may be Dustin Hoffman