Tag Archives: Naomi Watts

Portrait of a Serial Stiller

While We’re Young
Fountain of Youth Truths
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 97 min

while we're young

Noah Baumbach cannot be stopped, and I hope he doesn’t, cause he keeps handing us charming little films that charm the little big pants off of us, and sometimes they make us cringe, but in the best possible way.  So what would happen if you took his gruff Ben Stiller Greenberg character, grounded him a bit more (but still let him be crazy after all these years), and then let his inner youth playfulness play out like France Ha?? I’ll tell – you get While We’re Young, which is like Girls, but with girls AND boys AND adults, and it’s like actually watchable (read – not horrible), and thensome and things!

Documentary filmmaker Stiller and producer wife Naomi Watts aren’t having a midlife crisis, but all their friends are having babies (including Ad-Rock Adam Horovitz!!!) and they aren’t, or doing much of anything, so they’re looking for something fun and new.  They find it in hipster extraordinaire couple Adam Driver and Amanda Seyfried.  Driver wants to make docs like Stiller, and Darby makes ice cream.  Stiller and Watts eat them up, take them under their wings, but it’s really Driver and Seyfried who take the ‘older’ couple under their wings – introducing them to a world where bike riding with a dope hat, hip-hop dance classes, VHS movie watching, and tripping balls on ayahuasca are the new normal

Things go well, until, well, they don’t, and Stiller starts to see a rusty lining in his dip in the fountain of youth.  Join them + Charles GrodinBrady Corbet and Ryan Serhant (perfectly playing a douche-wad just like himself) as they search for youthful truths, and adult realities

Oh, and nice Scott Rudin cameo there!!

Verdictgo: MOS DEF Jeepers Worth A Peepers

feel Young at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…



Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Breaking The Fifth Wall
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 119 min


Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s Birdman is be like…

Michael Keaton is an actor who was once a superhero
keaton batman
and now is like nothing or something


a superhero kinda like Condorman


his daughter is Emma Stone

who’s like a strung out/sarcastic Daisy Duck


Keaton’s trying to put on a Broadway show
in hopes of reviving his career
but it kinda goes like The Producers
with Zach Galifianakis as the hybrid lovechild
of Zero Mostel & Gene Wilder


one of his costars is a jerky Ed Norton
who’s out to spoil all the fun
and steal the spotlight
ed norton x
(and Andrea Riseborough is kinda doing the same thing)

which makes it feel a little About Eve
all about eve


the fragile Naomi Watts is about to break


all of it seems like one giant artistical battle
like totally like Black Swan yo!
carrey black swan
but not nearly as freaky or freakin awesome


but its got shades of the creative long-take editing of
Hitch’s BRILLIANT Rope

rope cut


the even more creative and longer takes of
Alfonso Cuaron’s BRILLIANT Children of Men


luckily Amy Ryan is our center of gravity
and source of comfort
amy ryan

so what does it all add up to? an interesting movie with great technique, with a story that kinda grows old after an hour

glad to see Keaton back in action, but Oscars??? psssshah – this aint no Bettlejuice, or even Johnny Dangerously, so if he wins this year, it’s a make-up call for not winning for them roles

keaton ju‪

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Birdman is fly enuff in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Tsunami On Why?

The Impossible
Wave of Mutilation
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Remember that horrrrrrrrrible tsunami of 2004?  Unless you live in that part of the world and/or were directly affected by it, probably not.  You moved on with yer life, worrying about how Lost would end or if the world was going to end if Mitt Romney became the president.  Well, Lost‘s ending sucked, and even if Mitty had won, the world wouldn’t have ended.  But for those who endured that tsunami, the world might as well have ended, as their world would never be the same, regardless of how awful Lost ended.  Sometimes we need tragic events turned into viewing ‘entertainment’, lest we forget them, and so maybe we can better understand them, even if there’s nothing to understand, cause sometimes bad sh!t happens to good people (and also to bad people)

For one such family, the Belons, tragedy struck, but they got lucky.  How lucky? Well, you’ll juss have to see their Impossible tale to find out.  But in order to make the movie more sell-able, the real life Spanish clan was transformed into an English one (but at least the director & writer remained Spanish – The Orphanage dudes – Juan Antonio Bayona + Sergio G Sánchez!).  Get over the white-washing, cause it doesn’t matter what the nationality of the family is, cause natural disasters are nationality-blind.  Also, you can’t really do wrong by making Naomi Watts & Ewan McGregor yer matri & patriarch.  Their boys are Tom HollandOaklee Pendergast & Samuel Joslin.  All 5 screen family members’ performances are incredible (especially eldest son Holland’s.  I say Oscar nomination worthy!), and what happens to them cinematically is even more incredible.  Remember that crazed tsunami scene that opened Clint Eastwood’s tepid Hereafter?  Udder 0s & 1s GARBAGE, hispecially when compared with the impossible possibly seen in The Impossible!!!!

Some people will find The Impossible to be nuttin but torture porn.  If that’s the case, why don’t you ask the Belons how porny their torturous experience was.  Be thankful this didn’t happen to you when you went on some vacation, JERK!!!

Also, how could you not want to see a movie where you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all?!??!?!?

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

The Impossible is umpossible today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

FBI’s Wide Open

J Edgar
Hoover? What? When? Where? And Sometimes Why?
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
R | 137 min

Don’t know what’s wrong with more than 1/2 of the critics who reviewed J Edgar.  Did they even see the same movie we saw?  Was there not enough J Edgar Hoover picking up the dirt (hoovering!) for them?  Did they find the quality Clint Eastwood direction directionless?  Was Leonardo DiCaprio‘s best work since What’s Eating Gilbert Grape not bestiful enuff for their boasteringing, despite the impossible task of playing someone he looks nothing like (which oddly enuff was what made The Aviator crash)?  Was Armie Hammer too handsome for them to clap their hands some?  Was the Dustin Lance Black script too straight without a chaser?  Were they pissed Naomi Watts didn’t give Judi Dench some carpet cleaning?  What’s yer problems, yo???

Seriously folks, J Edgar is a fine fine movie.  It takes a notorious and mysterious figure of 20th century American history and notoriousizeses him, while still keeping his enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a woman’s slip, and entertains us.  What more do you want?  We may not get a complete picture, but how do you make a complete picture of a man who ran a bureau of secrets, with a bureau filled with STILL unknown secrets????  You don’t, and even if this flick had early 90s Oliver Stone written all over it, Stone didn’t make it, and thank dog he didn’t today, cause he’s no longer up to the task, but Clint Eastwood is and he did it and he did it right (heck, there’s not a ton of gangstering goings on, but it’s a zillion times betterer than whatever Public Enemies was).  So, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!  and critics, GET OVER YER YAWNS!!!!!

moral of the story:  we’re totally gay for J Edgar Hoover and this movie about him.  He may have been misguided, but he got the job done, no matter what the costs were, and no matter how much make-up they had to cake onto Leo to make him look like old man Charles Foster Kane (see below below)

Creepy Ship Lollipop: J Edgar Hoover & Shirley Temple, a WTF relationship for the ages

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

J Edgar digs up the good dirt currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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