Tag Archives: Ewan McGregor

Sketches of Miles For Miles & Miles

Miles Ahead
Horns & Thorns
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

miles ahead

Don Cheadle IS Miles Davis in a movie he co-wrote, produced and directed and starred in AND PLAYED MUSIC IN – Miles Ahead.  I don’t know exactly what Miles Davis is or was (of course I know his music, and his funky 70s-80s hair), but whatever Don is doing as Miles is now Miles Davis to me.  WAY TO GO DON!!  And nice job directing your first movie!  So when are you making the Canadian version – Kilometers Ahead?

You can feel the fcuk out of the passion in this passion project, and cause you can feel this passion, you can ignore any minor squabbles one might have with the movie – like Michael Stuhlbarg‘s mustache, or Ewan McGregor in general, or its choppiness, ans sometimes dopiness, or not getting a full picture of Miles’ life, BUT I dug on Cheadle as Davis, even if most of it was glum and glummer, and you will too, and that’s that.  But mainly we need to talk about how…

Emayatzy Corinealdi is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emayatzy Corinealdi miles

Emayatzy Corinealdi we2

Emayatzy Corinealdi we

Emayatzy Corinealdi

Emayatzy Corinealdi kino

Emayatzy Corinealdi sf

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers

Miles Ahead forges ahead currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Tsunami On Why?

The Impossible
Wave of Mutilation
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Remember that horrrrrrrrrible tsunami of 2004?  Unless you live in that part of the world and/or were directly affected by it, probably not.  You moved on with yer life, worrying about how Lost would end or if the world was going to end if Mitt Romney became the president.  Well, Lost‘s ending sucked, and even if Mitty had won, the world wouldn’t have ended.  But for those who endured that tsunami, the world might as well have ended, as their world would never be the same, regardless of how awful Lost ended.  Sometimes we need tragic events turned into viewing ‘entertainment’, lest we forget them, and so maybe we can better understand them, even if there’s nothing to understand, cause sometimes bad sh!t happens to good people (and also to bad people)

For one such family, the Belons, tragedy struck, but they got lucky.  How lucky? Well, you’ll juss have to see their Impossible tale to find out.  But in order to make the movie more sell-able, the real life Spanish clan was transformed into an English one (but at least the director & writer remained Spanish – The Orphanage dudes – Juan Antonio Bayona + Sergio G Sánchez!).  Get over the white-washing, cause it doesn’t matter what the nationality of the family is, cause natural disasters are nationality-blind.  Also, you can’t really do wrong by making Naomi Watts & Ewan McGregor yer matri & patriarch.  Their boys are Tom HollandOaklee Pendergast & Samuel Joslin.  All 5 screen family members’ performances are incredible (especially eldest son Holland’s.  I say Oscar nomination worthy!), and what happens to them cinematically is even more incredible.  Remember that crazed tsunami scene that opened Clint Eastwood’s tepid Hereafter?  Udder 0s & 1s GARBAGE, hispecially when compared with the impossible possibly seen in The Impossible!!!!

Some people will find The Impossible to be nuttin but torture porn.  If that’s the case, why don’t you ask the Belons how porny their torturous experience was.  Be thankful this didn’t happen to you when you went on some vacation, JERK!!!

Also, how could you not want to see a movie where you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all?!??!?!?

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

The Impossible is umpossible today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Grunt, Sass, and Kick

The MMA Experience
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
R | 93 min

Having a tough time trying to figure out what to make of Steven Nerderbergh‘s Haywire.  It’s kinda La Femme Nikitaish, but feels more like a 90s Steven Seagal flick with shades of whatever that Jim Jarmusch movie was.  See what we mean?  But there’s one thing that’s super clear – Gina Carano kicks ass, on screen and in general.  Credit Nerderbergh for plucking her from his TV watching to his movie-making, but maybe he should have left the plucking to someone else.   He’s got this ace in the hole, but doesn’t seem to know what to do with it, cept occasionally let her kick

Apparently what he decided to do was make a half-baked tale of a hired gun (foot?) who gets double crossed and then needs to double back in order to set things doubly straight.  By the time we get to the end and the 5 Ws get ‘revealed’, it seems a little too late to make this simple plot seem complex

But… it really doesn’t matter what transgressed cause we get to watch Carano mix it up all over America and Europe with the likes of Ewan McGregor (why don’t movies juss let him speak in his natural accent?), Michael Fassbender (no wang dangling here), Michael Angarano (hey, it’s that guy!), Channing Tatum (he’s kinda the best wurst actor ever), Michael Douglas (brings instant gravitas to anything), Antonio Banderas (bearded!), Mathieu Kassovitz (also bearded! and always a pleasure to see him) and Bill Paxton (who’s so great that someone had to make a pinball game about him!).  And any movie with that crew crewing it up is bound to be watchable, cause it’s true

moral of the story: this is a good start for Carano’s young movie career, but ultimately it’s kinda like a Girlfriend Experience with zero sex and more kicking

American Glad We Don’t Hate Her: WE KNEW CARANO LOOKED FAMILIAR!!!! 

Verdictgo: low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Haywire kicks it at a theater near jews today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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