The Man With
No Dumb Name
December is a month of endless Oscar-baiting fare, where the movies are bloated, depressing and hard to watch. Christopher McQuarrie‘s Jack Reacher is the antidote to all that stuff, and Jack Reacher is nothing without one of the last movie stars standing, standing tall (even though he’s not so tall) – Tom Cruise. Tom is Jack, a loner,
Dottie, a rebel. Whether you can believe that Tom Cruise could pass as a drifter matters very little, cause basically Jack Reacher is a looser Mission: Impossible, which means it’s more fun, and sirprizingly, and most welcomelyer, funnier! What more do you need to know? You don’t, but we’ll go on for a little bit more anywayz
Our movie starts off with a sniper randomly picking off people, but MAYBE THE VICTIMS AREN’T RANDOM?!??!?! The sniper is caught, but MAYBE THE CAUGHT SNIPER ISN’T THE ACTUAL SNIPER?!?!??!? The DA’s office (Richard Jenkins and David Oyelowo, who’s like 2nd second coming of Chiwetel Ejiofor) thinks it’s an open and shut case. The alleged sniper’s lawyer (bouncy Rosamund Pike) thinks so too, but is juss looking for the best possible verdict that isn’t punishable by death. Enter Jack Reacher, the only man who can possibly save the alleged sniper, and maybe save the day too. Guess what, he might juss do all of these things, AND go toe to toe with baddie Werner Herzog (I laughed out loud EVERY time he spoke on screen, partly cause it’s ridiculous, but mostly cause casting Werner Herzog as a bad guy is a stroke of genius and awesomeness and amazingnessness and I couldn’t get over that fact!!!). Robert Duvall pops in towards the end, and his no country for old man old man-ness only adds to the nutty bar fun, cause Robert Duvall characters wouldn’t have it any other way!!!!
But does Tom Cruise run in this movie? A little, but he drives, cause he’s so driven, and the driving is FCUKING OFF THE BAKER’S RACK!!!!!! And there’s punching! And there’s more punching! And gunfights! AND LAUGHTER! And a killer scene where two thugs have a great chance of taking out Cruise, but they keep on taking out each other. OH REACHER!!!! YOU MAKE US WANT TO GIVE YOU A REACH-A-ROUND!!!!!!! Please people, go see this movie, so it does well and they greenlight 12 more of these, cause that’s what the world needs!!! REACHER!!! He should fight Arthur Treacher’s in the sequel, cause they suck!!! TREACHER!!!!!
Verdictgo: Breast In Show
3 Furious : please, never slow down
Jack Reacher reaches out and touches everyone at a theater near jews this Friday
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…