20th Century Women
It Takes A Boarding House To Raise A Child
Official Site| Trailer & Mo
R | 118 min

I love the Talking Heads, but I think I forgot how much I truly loved them until I heard their music in Mike Mills‘ 20th Century Women, and then, like what happened to the characters in the movie itself, it felt as if it were the first time I had ever heard the Talking Heads!!  And I was like WOAH!!!  This STUFF ROCKS!!  And my head and body couldn’t help itself, and grooved to the music!!!

And that experience of hearing the Talking Heads for the first time was kinda like seeing this movie for the first time – I was like – WOAH, there’s something to this movie! It warms my heart and touches my soul!  And my head and body are grooving to it – big time!!!

But this movie isn’t about discovering the music of the Talking Heads – it’s about an adolescent boy (Lucas Jade Zumann), without a father figure, who shares a bohemian lifestyle in a Santa Barbara residence with a strong, loving mother (Annette Bening), his schoolgirl crush (Elle Fanning), a super cool photographer gal (Greta Gerwig), and a handlebar-mustached handyman (Billy Crudup)

This boy is on the path to becoming a mini-man, and in turn, he’s starting to drift away from his mother’s grasp.  She feels the distance beginning to widen, and so she enlists the help of the two ladies and handyman to mold him into a modern man.  Guess what happens?  It’s not juss the boy who learns and grows – but EVERYONE involved too!!

It’s actually not as cheesy as it sounds, and in a movie that could have easily gone too cutesy and way too quirky, it stayed the course of being juss a lovely lovely lovely little film  

For some reason, in my brain, it was like watching a 70s version of Six Feet Under, complete with a complete ending juss like Six Feet‘s fantastic/2nd to none complete complete ending!

The movie even made me grow!  I grew a 2nd pair of ears and haven’t stopped streaming the Talking Heads on Amazon since I saw the movie.  How 21st Century Man of me!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

20th Century is foxy for in limited release 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Prequel Post-Cool
Official Site| Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

The best thing to ever happen to movies is George Lucas creating Star Wars

The best thing to ever happen to Star Wars is Disney becoming its keeper

Two Disney movies in and the franchise is beyond on the right path back to where it needs to be… and galaxies away from the wrong turns Lucas took with his prequels

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is the prequel the fans have needed and wanted all along.  It’s no stretch to say that it’s better than Episode I thru III combined, times a zillion.  It may be rogue to say so, but I believe Rogue One is a better Star Wars movie than Force Awakens is.  It’s true!  Cause I juss said it!

So why does Rogue One work as a Star Wars movie (more so than the prequels AND Episode VII)?

• Rogue One tries to fit into the Star Wars world, without having to be too bound (and gagged) by it.  There’s no text crawl, no John Williams score, and gasp – there are actual lower-third titles telling us the locations of where we are.  For Star Wars movies to evolve – they need to break from the past, but also celebrate them.  Rogue hits the balance perfectly, and is an excellent kick off right into Episode IV

• There’s not that much Jedi stuff.  Look, we know Star Wars is what it is cause of Skywalkers, and lightsabers and hokey religion things, but after those forced-forcey prequels, and the new Rey & Kylo stuff, we needed a break from it all.  Rogue keeps the Jedi stuff to a minimum, and truly puts the ‘star’s and ‘wars’ back in Star Wars!

• People die – LOTS of them – and we’re not just talking about bad guys.  Gritty is good.  Episode IV was gritty.  Things should try to be more like Episode IV.  Episode VII was cutesy – almost TOO cutesy.  Here’s hoping Episode VIII is grittier!

• It’s OK for Star Wars to be less white.  I know, it seems like overkill trying to OVERLY make your cast a United Colors of Benetton ad, but if your actors are good, then the acting is going to be too.  All the actors cast in the film were great.  EVERYONE (well, I didn’t really like this lady and her role, but it’s probably not her fault cause she didn’t write her own dialog).  Sure, there wasn’t too much time to give the characters actual character, but Ben Mendelsohn, Diego Luna, Mads Mikkelsen, Felicity Jones, Donnie Yen, Riz Ahmed, Jiang Wen, and Forest Whitaker gave it their all, and in turn, I’m all for them!

• Plus, Diego Luna is super hot

• Plus, Ben Mendelsohn is such a good screen a$$hole

• Plus, Mads Mikkelsen is the fcuking best ever!!! (ok, maybe 2nd best ever – juss a tick behind the greatest living actor – Ciarán Hinds)

• Alan Tudyk‘s droid K-2SO is more like A+2SO!!

• Admiral Ackbar Raddus!

• The Death Star never looked better – or more menacing!

• Plain and simple – Rogue One looks AND feels like Star Wars – not some shiny bullsh!t imitation version of it

• Simple and plain – Rogue One was a lot of fcuking fun!

• The nods to the fans & cameos were good, even if most of them were unnecessary, but hey, us fans love being nodded at!  BLUE MILK!

• three words – stormtroopers in paradise!

wait, was there ANYTHING I didn’t like?

yeah – these rebel solider helmets, which don’t look very Star Warsy to me.  but that’s juss me.  maybe you disagree and think this movie was juss ok, or sucked, but maybe you’re juss ok, or suck!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Rogue One for all at a theater near jews and white nationalists

Next stand alone Star Wars story I want to see get made???

BOSSK TO THE FUTURE!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Nocturnal Animals
Whatturnal Whatttttttttt????
Official Site| Trailer & Mo
R | 116 min

If David Lynch had his name attached to whatever Nocturnal Animals is, then we’d all be saying – woah – this David Lynch movie is pretty slick!

But it’s a Tom Ford movie.  And what does that mean?  We only have one movie to compare it against – his debut, A Single Man, a movie I apparently liked a lot, but the only thing I can remember about that movie were those Michael Caine 60s glasses that Colin Firth wore

And what will I remember about Tom Ford’s second movie?  I dunno, it’s a book within a movie, and reality and fiction are blurred, or something?  Or that Amy Adams is dolled up like an anorexic sexy raccoon? Jake Gyllenhaal still has crazy eyes, but they’re not crazily as used or as good as they were peeping in Nightcrawler (the movie you should see in lieu of Animals)?  There’s a bunch of really really really REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY obese naked women dancing in the opening credits?  Michael Shannon looking like the Marlboro Man?  Aaron Taylor-Johnson sounding like he’s trying out a Texas twang for the first time ever as an actor?  Isla Fisher is sorta in it?  Armie Hammer is also sorta in it??  OR THAT EVERYONE IN THE MOVIE (besides Isla Fisher) HAS BLUE EYES????  

I dunno, there’s something to this movie, but I can’t put my finger on it, and the ending was an open ended ending, and while I sometimes like things left open ended, this was a movie that needed a definitive ending.  The end! (for me and this movie!)

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Animals needs to be tamed – at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Bleed For This
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 117 min

Do you know the story of boxer Vinny Pazienza?  If not, stop reading and go see Bleed For This!

If you do, continue to read AND then go see Bleed For This!!

Everyone loves an movie about an underdog, hispecially a sports one, where our hero is fighting against all the odds, and coming out on top in the end!  Angelo Pizzo is THE guy to tell those stories.  Ever hear of Hoosiers or Rudy??  He’s that guy!  And he co-wrote this incredible true story for the big screen, for the guy who directed Boiler Room (Ben Younger), and for that dude who directed Raging Bull, who co-produced this movie.  What does that tell you about this movie?

What if they threw in Miles Teller as Vinny Paz?  Remember how many Miles of blood Teller bleed for that redonky donk drumming movie???  HE DOES IT HERE EVEN MORE!!!  THE WORD ‘BLEED‘ IS IN THE TITLE!!!  WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU???  THAT HE WILL BLEED A LOT AND IT’S GOING TO BE PAINFULLY AWESOME!!!  I can also tell you that Miles Teller is incredible, here and for always!

And what if I told you that Aaron Eckhart was both unrecognizable AND fantastic in this movie?  He plays Vinny’s trainer Kevin Rooney (who also trained Mike Tyson!), and he’s both unrecognizable AND fantastic.  I TOLD YOU!  And he even shaved most of his forehead hair for the part!  Like some straight up Ruffalo Foxcatcher forehead shave job greatness!

And what if I told you that the greatest living actor - Ciarán Hinds – was in it too?

And the Buffalo Bob killer from Silence of The Lambs?

And Katey Sagal too!?

And what if I told you that I love you?  Would you go see this movie??  OK, I love you!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Welcome Back Hotter - Christine Evangelista, who we last/lust caught up with/on six years ago, is still super fine, and in Bleed For This, she boobs for us!!!  BOOBS!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Bleed for it, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
School’s Out Forever!
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 133 min

YES!!!!! Finally, a Harry Potterverse movie without children!!  No more pencils!!!  No more books!!!  No more teacher’s dirty looks!!!! And most spankfully – no more dumb Quidditch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what does a Harry Potter-less movie world look like?  Well, for one thing – they done did themselves, and me, a favor by going back in time to the 1920s, and shifting the fun from England to New York.  Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them???  More like

 Fantastic BOBS and Where to Find Them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amitrite????????

oh man, 2 girls with 2 bobs +1 me = aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawoooooooooooogah!!!

and even though this lady is hellish, her bob is heavenly!!!

who’s ready for a night out of sexily bobbing for bobs???

I mean, who doesn’t love a good bob? Everyone wants to touch one!

OK, ok, so bobs are great and all, but what about the movie itself?

It’s magical – cause they do magic, but it also has gotz its share of problems, like – what exactly is going on here, and why should I care about any of this? 

Newt Salamander (Eddie Redmayne, who’s acting style in every movie apparently consists of him and his awkward tunasalad lips, keeping his head down, and then picking his head up, scene after scene after scene after movie after movie after movie.  dude must have neck issues after all this acting in movies!!!)

comes from England to New York to be a nervous nellie and like round up beasts or something, but in the process, unleashes beasts on a non-understanding muggle (who in the US are called Non-Majs, or something.  wish the movie took a larger stance against Nicki Minaj, and be pro-Non-Minaj) world  

One Non-Maj (Dan Fogler – editor’s note – I worked with him once, a zillion years ago, and he’s a super awesome guy, and I root for nothing but success for him, and he deserves it, cause he’s funny, and awesome – and you will love the ping-pong movie he was in if you never saw it) super-gets caught up in this mess, but cause this isn’t Harry Potter, the guy gets to stick around, and bob it up with two American magic hottie sisters (Katherine Waterston and Alison Sudol) trying to help dumb-dull-bore Newt be less dumb, dull and a bore

But there’s a bunch bumps in their path to success (and I have no idea what they’re looking to succeed in) – like magic hater Samantha Morton and her minions like Ezra Miller, who has a man-bob!

and the magic congress of something or other isn’t pleased with Newt and the sisters and the Non-Maj’s tomfoolery, and there’s also something not quite right about Colin Farrell 

And there’s also something not quite right with the CGI of the beasts – they look really CGIy, and dumb.  Anytime the beasts were on screen, the movie was far from fantastic.  The rest of the time, where the magic people and the Non-Maj were maj-ging it up, it was kinda sorta close to fantastic, sorta kinda!

To be honest – the Harry Potter movies were fine and kinda fun, at the time of viewing them, but in retrospect – they kinda juss a big bunch of meh (the exception is the 3rd one).  I feel like this new franchise will be more of the same, BUT, cause these new movies will mainly involve adults, and no dumb schooling, and is un-stuck to the dumb Hogwürst school year structure, it has a chance to be something else, and perhaps something special.  The magic isn’t in question – we can take the tricks, juss please bring on the treats… and even more bobs!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

You can Find the Beasts arrived at a theater near jews & white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…