Thighs Wide Shut

The Post
All The Old News That’s Fit To Reprint
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

The President is a liar filled with lies!  Newspapers need to speak the truth but are trying to be silenced by the President!  Women are ready to step up and play with the big boys!  The country is under much duress and stress cause of all of this stuff!  Is this 2017????  No, it’s 1971!!!  OMG – HOW TIMELY!!!  OMG – SOMETHINGS NEVER CHANGE!!!  HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!!!  FAKE NEWS!!  REAL NEWS!!!!!!

Yeah, so, er, um, yeah, so Señor Spielbergo and Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep do their patriotic flaming liberal duty to stick it to today’s man by re-sticking to yesterday’s man in making a lesser All The President’s Men in The Post!  This movie wasn’t HASTE-ly made, and there’s a lot of love and energy and great acting (and mustard brown color) going on, and IT IS ALL SO IMPORTANT, but it’s ultimately a movie about whether a newspaper owner and editor want to green light or red light publishing a story.  That’s it!  That’s the whole movie!  Should we publish this and let the people know the truth???!!!  Or do we play it cool and not publish and therefore not get punished???  WHAT TO DO???  WHAT TO DO???

It’s kinda much ado and to do about nothing.  Look, I agree it’s all IMPORTANT stuff, and I did enjoy watching this movie, but after it ended, I was like, that’s it?  They published a story and that was the entire movie???  Oh, so it’s more about that.  It’s about how Kay Graham came into her own, being the Washington Post‘s owner, and how editor Ben Bradlee always fought the good fight!  Good for them, and for us!  No, seriously!  I grew up on The Washington Post, and it remains my paper!  I LOVE THEM!

But I dunno.  I’m tossed.  It’s a story that needed to be told, but there’s not much storytelling to tell.  It feels like easy material kinda beneath the heavyweight skillsets of Spielbergo and Hanks and Streep.  They could have made the same darn good movie with Brett Ratner, Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl and it would still be important!

Verdictgo: I mean, it’s still a good movie, so Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Post publishes at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Bridge of Spies
Spies Like Them
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 141 min

Steven Spielberg knows history!  And how to turn histories into movies!!  And he knows how to direct Tom Hanks!!!  These things all come together (again) in the serviceably good enough Bridge of Spies, the duo’s fourth pairing, and probably the lesser of the four (Saving Private Ryan / Catch Me If You Can and yes, even less so than The Terminal, which is amazingly awesomely horribly cheesy awesome!!)

What do you know of Cold War spies?  Me, I knew the name  Francis Gary Powers (not to be confused with Gary US Bonds) and that he was in a U-2 spyplane, and there was an incident – it got shot down over the USSR, and boy he didn’t know how unlucky he was… to be back in the US, back in the US, back in the USSR!!!  Oh, and that the band U2 got their name from this plane!  Oh, and czech this – Bono’s daughter – Eve Hewson – is in the movie!!!!  It’s like U2 jr meets U-2 senior!!!

What I didn’t know is that we wanted to swap a Soviet spy caught in America (Rudolf Abel by way of chameleon Mark Rylance, who is also the best part of the movie) for FG Powers and that the trade couldn’t be administered directly by the US government, and so someone had to do it.  TOM HANKS!!!!  as James B Donovan!!!  HE DID IT!!!  Spoiler alert.  Ooops, history spoils everything, and to the victors go the spoils!!!  We won the Cold War!!  The trade of spies was like a tie, but Tom Hanks won our hearts!!!

Will you miss out if you skip out on this movie?  Probably not.  A nice 30 minute show on the incident should suffice.  + this is no Munich, which is the kinda history movies Señor Spielbergo should be making, instead of a warm and fuzzy cold war pic, or something wooden and predictable like Lincoln, which I forgot all about until I had write a review of Steven’s latest

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Spies Bridges the Cold War knowledge gap at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…