Thighs Wide Shut

Wonder Woman
Some Kind of Not So Wonderful
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 141 min

I was all for Wonder Woman, the character and the actress playing her, but not so much for the Patty Jenkins movie.  lemme explain, in imagery…

there was a land of nothing but ladies and I was all for that.  ZZ Top would be too

but for some reason, all the women had accents like Kate McKinnon as Olya Povlatsky, and it was strange to hear Robin Wright do a Kate McKinnon as Olya Povlatsky imitation 

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but it’s all good, cause they descended from Zeus and they tell us their HERstory thru like some pretty cool moving paintings or something

and we follow the growings up of the youngest of this all lady crew – Diana, who’s that super hot Israeli chick from 9 Fast 19 Furious – Gal Gadot, and then we’re like ‘Oh, I’ll follow her, wherever she goes!!  Hopefully to like a shower scene!!‘

but then dreamy Captain Kirk shows up

and when men, and war are introduced, the movie turns into a 1/2 rate version of the first Captain America movie

where our villains are more cookie-cutter than villains made from a cookie cutter

including one that’s like a female version of that 1/2 face dude from Boardwalk Empire (who is the nephew to the other baddie in the movie, Danny Huston)

and these bad peoples are beyond obsessed with gas, but not the funny kind

but before our heroine and her blue-eyed boy friend (he’s a boy, who’s a friend) can fight evil and their gas, she must first hide her sexy costume in the demur WWI-era clothings, so why not a give your fanboy & fangirl audience exactly what they want – a trying on clothing montage!

and then waste more time talking to mustachioed generals (one being David Thewlis, who certainly has rebounded from being in The Island of Dr Moreau), who look like they’re on the cover of Stratego

and then we’re introduced to a set of pointless sidekicks (apologies to actors I truly love, Ewen Bremner & Saïd Taghmaoui, but your characters were cardboard lameness, a breath of hot air, and a waste of everyone’s time – even Wonder Woman’s – she doesn’t need your help!!), including a Native American for no reason (apologies to you Eugene Brave Rock, who I’m sure is a lovely man)

and then it’s like a WWI trench movie, but like the least interesting one you’ve seen

and then there’s more boring stuff that takes like 19292929ever, and then it eventually turns into one giant Zack Snyder bunk-a$$ DC movie, where there’s all this dark darkness stuff, and nothing but destruction, and it sucks a$$$$, and for some reason, our final round bad guy is Sauron from LOTR

and then after all that, the movie is basically over, and I was like, WTF????, was this a movie about Wonder Woman, or like a WWI movie about a bunch of dudes and proto-Nazis, and all of it wasn’t really that interesting, and was actually kinda corny, and didn’t include any shower scenes with Wonder Woman in it???!!!!

Again, I’m all for Wonder Woman, and the actress, but not for this movie.  I know there will be another movie (not including the Justice League one,which looks so retched, I won’t even bother to see it), but can they at least make the next one less manly, less dark, and more showery??? C’mon guys,
this isn’t rocket scientology – it’s a hot chick in a hot outfit, kicking a$$.  Keep it simple, and showery

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Woman is not quite Wonderful at theater near jews AND white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Ghostbusters
Bustin’ Loose
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 105 min

THEY DID IT – THEY MADE A GHOSTBUSTERS – WITH WOMEN!!!  And the world will survive it, and the world will move on.  Blasphemy doesn’t exist anymore cause nothing is sacred.  In our lifetime Citizen Kane will get a remake or a sequel or a prequel or a shequel.  Maybe even Jesus will get a reboot.  But you know what, life and art has been repeating and imitating itself for centuries, so why not juss give up and accept the misery, especially when the results are sometimes not awful

Ghostbusters 2016 is NOT awful.  It’s actually 2/3rds really good, and then in the final 1/3rd of the film – a little TOO familiar and too much of a good nothing.  But that first 2/3rds – man – the women (Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones) are FUNny and spunky (McKinnon comes out on top of the four), and the film moves fast and is flashly, and I was all with it!!  But that ending?  You’ve seen it before when it was already called Ghostbusters, and the filmmakers missed an opportunity to make something entitrely new, and make the franchise something truly their own

Now I get it, you want to pay homage and respect to the original, and the cameos of the old timers were nice, and the other nods to the first movie, and to the fans are necessary, but there has to be a limit.  The original was actually a serious movies with perfect humor to offset the scariness.  This new one is all for laughs, and since they’re not taking things too seriously, it’s kinda hard for us to take it seriously either

But then again, a funny Chris Hemsworth is better than a serious one

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Ghostbusters call at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…