It
It Hits The Fan
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 135 min

I’ve never read Stephen King’s book It. My mom did and I remember her telling me the plot as a kid and it scared the living fcuk out of me. Then came the TV mini-series in 1990. It was SO beast!! Dude, Tim Curry as Pennywise? That’s like some first ballot hall of fame work right there!!! So of course I was on board with a movie version. And Chapter 1? FAN-FCUKING-TASTIC. I loved it. It’s like what Stranger Things wishes it was!  And OMG, Bill SkarsgÃ¥rd took Tim Curry’s torch to the next level clown scary a$$ shiz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

OK, enuff about chapter 1.  I want to join in on the fun everyone else is having.  I want to cast the adult kids for It Chapter 2!

I choose these all on my own, but I found out that other people and sites had similiar idears, and sometimes I even stole their photo mock-ups.  thanks/sorry!!

 

Beverly Marsh

Sophia Lillis – Amy Adams

Sophia actually looks more like Kristen Wiig, but she doesn’t have the heart and soul of Amy Adams, who is any easy choice for adult Bev.  If they don’t nab her, there’s always Jessica Chastain.  And if she’s not down, there’s always Bryce Dallas Howard

–

Bill Denbrough

Jaeden Lieberher – Michael Sheen

There are probably 392394924 people who could play Bill, but why not have the adult version played by the guy who played Jaeden Lieberher’s father on Masters of Sex – Michael Sheen.  He’s one of our most gifted actors, and it would be a gift to see what he does as B-B-B-B-Bill

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Ben Hanscom

Jeremy Ray Taylor  –  Jeff Cohen

If you don’t remember, Ben gets thin and does well for himself as an adult.  So they should lure Chunk from Goonies back into acting!!!!  Jeff ‘Chunk’ Cohen is now a happy lawyer, but I think he’d come full circle here as svelte Ben.  I also saw someone choose Jerry O’Connell which would accomplish the same thing – chubby Verne from Stand By Me growns up and gets mad ripped! 

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Richie Tozier

Finn Wolfhard – Winona Ryder

I know Winona Ryder plays Will’s mom on Stranger Things, but she also sorta looks like she could be Mike Wheeler/Finn Wolfhard’s mom too!  So why not have her play an adult version of him in It 2???  Wait, you say she’s a woman and she’d be playing a man?  Dude, she’s looked like Lukas Haas for eons and probably could have played any role he ever had 328238238383 times betterer!!!

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Eddie Kaspbrak

Jack Dylan Grazer - Fred Savage

Since we’re getting creative AND stunted with our casting, why not make Fred Savage the adult Jack Dylan Grazer.  Wide-eyed and wimpy.  Plus there’d be a movie where Chunk and Kevin Arnold are friends!  It’s like my dream life!!!  Although, if we had the ability to time travel any actor in time to play the role, I’d go with Frankie Darro

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Mike Hanlon

Chosen Jacobs - Chadwick Boseman

I’m sorry, but Chadwick Boseman should be cast to play anyone and everyone.  He could play all 7 adults in It 2.  I mean, they should cast him to play David Duke and he’d fcuking nail it.  He would.  Chadwick Boseman is the best

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Stan Uris

Wyatt Oleff – David Moscow

You may have forgotten all about the kid who played the small version of Tom Hanks in Big, but I never did.  Probably cause one of my dear friends is his doppelganger, but juss cause you forgot about Josh Baskin/David Moscow doesn’t mean he can’t play Stan Uris.  And if you know anything about adult Stan Uris, you know that he may not have a lot of screentime, so David Moscow would be juss fine!!

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Not Fade Away
Don’t Put Another Quarter In The Jukebox Baby
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 112 min

Remember how the last few seasons of The Sopranos seemed to be nothing but the characters sitting at home watching TV and us watching what they were watching on TV? Well, Sopranos creator David Chase does the same thing in his feature film debut, Not Fade Away, but replaces the mob with a 60s crappy cover band struggling with struggling

This is suppose to be a love letter to a time and a place and its music, and it looks and sounds nice and all, but it’s more like a plain ole letter that has a bunch of pointless paragraphs.  But the movie isn’t a letter, it’s a movie, and it’s actually not much of anything, except a collection of scenes – scenes that fall into one of 3 categories –

1) band practice

2) the dorkable lead singer tries to score with Bella Heathcote (who WOULDN’T try that??)

3) the dorkable lead singer gets into a verbal spat with his dad James Gandolfini

The movie is basically like 1), then 2), then 3) then 1) then more 1) then maybe like 3) followed by two 2)s and then more 1) cause it makes perfect, but 3) thinks yer life is a giant waste so he needs to yell at you again, but maybe I can get some sympathy with 2), and when that’s done, it’s time to 1) 1) 1), cause if they don’t, HOW ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE IT?  

Well, in the very end, it doesn’t matter, cause the movie has an ending that’s ever worser than the ending to The Sopranos.  The lead singer’s sister appears out of nowhere on the streets of LA and says like America invented the bomb and rock n roll, but only one will last forever and then she dances or something and the movie ends.  Dreadful ending.  And all that came before it is whatever on rye why?  

The whole movie felt like a not as awesome and very much too longer version of the Wonder Years episode where Kevin helped form the high school band The Electric Shoes (the characters in NFA and WY were both inspired to start a band after seeing The Beatles on Ed Sullivan).  I’m deadly serious here folks –  NFA was EXACTLY like that Wonder Years episode, except it’s got more years, and has much less wonder

but in the end, NFA was not SO BAD, cause the movie was filled with 64% of BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA AND HER EYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Note Fade Away is currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

LONG LIVE THE ELECTRIC SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace The Forks Out

to

Peter Michael Falk

‘This Way‘

1927 – 2011

was last year really the first year we had a TV awards??? no time for looking back, and only time for looking forward. hactually, this is a look back, at what was bestest in 2010 TV, and while some songs remain the same, new fun can always be found on the tube boobs!!!

1. Misfits (E4, England)

Remember how Heroes sputtered in its 2nd season. Yeah, that really sucked, so spankfully there wasn’t any sophomore slump for the British ASBO-super hero super dooooper show Misfits, which juss earned our choice for the bestest of the bestest FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!! it’s not even fair to call this a TV show. it’s like watching the dopest and innovative movie week after week that doesn’t play in a theater!!! don’t wanna say too much more about what actually happens, hispecially since you/us Americans probably never even heard about this show (outside of our glowing tweets), and that’s the biggest crying shame, but you can do something about it. (CLICK THE ‘it’ TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! trust us). oh, and after all the Clockwork Orange location love, The Shining refs almos shined even mo!

2. 30 for 30 (ESPN)

So what if the top 2 picks are the same ones as last year, cause nothing new or used was remotely comparable. That was quite the honor for 30 for 30 last year, considering only 7 of the 30 docs aired, and so watching 23 more entries in this glorious and unprecedented series was more of a delight than watching Judith Light and Tony Danza fight to see Who’s The Boss. Sure, not all of them were winners, but a majority of them were. Stand outs include Guru of Go, The 16th Man (it was better than Invictus!!!), June 17, 1994, The Two Escobars and Into the Wind. Bestestest news of all? ESPN are liars and have 3 more above the 30 to drop on us in 2011, including the one we’ve been waiting for mostest

3. Sherlock (BBC/PBS)

No wonder this aired on PBS’ Masterpiece Theater, cause the three 90-minute episodes were juss that, theater thats be a masterpiece!!!!!!! Only question is, when can we see the next batch?

4. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (IFC)

Life a bit empty and a lot less funny in an Arrested Development-less world? Todd Margaret fills the void, and then some, and awesome with David Cross to bear/bare. Mos deaf = funniest moment on TV in 2010!!! Anyone know where we can buy a can of Thunder Muscle?

5. Party Down (Starz)

With Jane Lynch trading in her pink bowtie for large checks over on Glee, we thought for a moment that Party Down would go nowhere but down. Well who knew that newbie Megan Mullally could be such a valuable employee of funny (see the ep ‘Nick DiCintio’s Orgy Night’ for proof)? Also, 2192989278 bonus points for employing Fred Savage as a director!!! Sadly, all good things that have no audience muss come to an end, and after its cancellation, Party Down enters the ranks of Twin Peaks and the British Office as two season wonders that keep us wondering what if…

6. This Is England ’86 (Channel 4, England)

Imagine if one of yer mos flavorite movies of the past decade relaunched the partying 3 years after the fact, but on the small screen, and yet still kicked major major major ballistics. That is eggzactly what happened with This Is England and its equally killah lil TV brother This Is England ’86!!! Good news is that ’90 is a go!

7. The Innetweeners (E4, England)

Will, Jay, Neil & Simon are the new John, Paul, George & Ringo. Emily, Emily & Hannah are the newest additions to our JO collection. Thanks for the 3 beyond solid seasons lads & lasses. Any chance the movie plays in America? Would be better than all the American Pies combined times 32837!!!

8. Hard Knocks: The New York
Jets and 24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the NHL Winter
Classic (both HBO)

Rex Ryan & Bruce Brodeau both deserve their own channels (or a buddy cop comedy), and 238824354 refrigerators. Lets go eat a goddam snack.

9. Dexter (Showtime)

How do you top last year’s Lithgow’s afterglow? You don’t, but Johnny Lee Miller as a mysterious motivation speaker is motivation enuff to keep Dexter on our list. Think most people hated Lumen. We didn’t. She made Dexter happy, and a happy Dexter is a happy we. Also, LOVED the Six Feet Under ref in Ep 1

10. Kendra (E!)

Who knew being a football wife of a journeyman NFL player could be so heartbreaking? This is the only reality show worth watching

11. Entourage (HBO)

Stuff finally happened!!!!! 3 cheers to coke snorting & Sasha Grey’s boobs (& too hairy bush?? [SFW])!! Yes, this was the 11th best show in TV in 2010. Yes, it was more betterer this year than Mad Men

speaking of…

other solid forms of entertainments: In Treatment, Mad Men, The Tudors, Breaking Bad, Making & Selling Jeans In America, Community, Rubicon, Chilrden’s Hospital, Modern Family, Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel, Real World: New Orleans, Boardwalk Empire, The Big C, Skins, Eastbound & Down, The Walking Dead, Outsouced and yes, Desperate Housewives

+

bone-yes moments

– Sally Draper/Kiernan Shipka!!!!

– boo to the end of at The Movies, but yea to a talking Ebert!!

– The Lost finale sucked, and so did the last 2 seasons

– Temple Grandin was the bestest TV movie of the year. so dang good in fact that they should have released it as a movie in theaters!!

– Skins season underwhelms, but still…

+ killing off one of their wurstest characters, and the way that they did, was a masterstroke!!!

– Psych is watchable thanks to its Twin Peaks flavored ep!!

– Carrie Fisher’s darling one-woman autobiographical show Wishful Drinking was so so entertaining that we regret not seeing it on Broadway

– The Hub is added to our cable line ups, and The Wonder Years re-enters our lives

– bestest re-discovery of a lost show from our
childhood: Robin of Sherwood

+ love the soundtrack by The Clannad!!!

– Deep Roy is the only one truly standing tall on this season’s Eastbound

– the return of these forgetten kids!!! &
Kilborn (& Christine Lakin)

– Rasta Monsta

– a reason for Glee‘s being

– hotties Erin Kaplan, Isabel, the 2nd Mrs Draper, half face, & Lake Bell Torrance Coombs AND all the Tudors hottie hotness over the yearz

wait a second, did you LOOK AT THIS PAINTINGGGGG????????????????????????????????????

if you don’t know who Wolfman is or why it’s important that he does or doesn’t have nards, then you obviously never had a childhood. Well, in less than three weeks (August 14th), Wolfman’s got nards and the movie in which that mos unforgettable line is uddered turns a whopping twenty years bold! And for you slow hand Lukes out there, that movie be…

Yeah, biznitches! And in anticipation of this annie verse airy, a very special 2-disc DVD (including a bazillion interviews wit cast AND crew, deleted scenes, trailers, storyboard jounks, audio commentary, AND even more things AND stuff) is bein sold in stores EVERYWHERE!

Tis been ages since we last laid our eyes on the Squad, but after two long decades, the film still holds up to the awesomeness that my mind remembered it being. And lettuce be honest folks, how could a movie written by the dude who wrote Lethal Weapon, gotz creature creation by Stan Winston, and stars scary German guy, Ryan from Kids Incorporated, Bud Bundy’s younger brother, Francis Dollarhyde, Mikey & Brand Walsh’s mom, Uncle Rico, that kid, that cutie patootie (who was recently interviewed) & Wayne Arnold not stand the test of thyme?

Speaking of Wayne Arnold, purty odd, but we fingered out that he and his screen brother Kevin, who co-starred in The Princess Bride (look out for a Thighs lovefest for tits annier verse airy in Zeptember), both wore Walter Payton Bears jerseys in movies released in 1987!

Oh, what, you think we forgot to mention fat kid, aka

wellski, we wanted to send much love and respek to his real self, Brent Chalem, who mos sadly Peaced the Fork Out in ’94. The Monster Squad would be nothing without him. Best in peace, yo!!

for even more madness, like that Horace GIFt of the gawds above, please get yer a$$ to I-Mockery. Otherwise, ‘Rock Until You Drop’!!!

pee es – we is stoopid cause wees missed the 20 spot annie verse airys for Full Metal Jacket, Raising Arizona, RoboCop, Adventures In Babysitting, Dragnet, Mannequin, La Bamba, Spaceballs, Roxanne, Summer School and The Untouchables. Dooode, ’87 was trez bestest!!!