Searching For Sugar Man
Unearthing Forgotten Buried Treasure
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 86 min

‘Sugar Man’ is Sixto Diaz Rodriguez, a working class Detroiter who made 2 Dylanesqueseish albums in the early 70s that never gained any traction in the US, so he gave up on his musical aspirations and killed himself on stage.  Or did he?????????????????

Well, apparently the US’s loss was South Africa’s gain.  Rodriguez somehow had a following there, a BIIIIG one (his rebellious music spoke to white folk who hated apartheid), but Rodriguez had zero idea about it, and his South African fans knew so little about him, cause this was during a pre-internet time, which is hard to fathom, cause who would want to live in a time without the interwebs????  [we also can’t fathom a time where men had to wear suits ALL THE TIME, like in 100000 degree heat]

There were two South African men who refused to let the Rodriguez mystery remain a mystery – a record store owner & a journalist.  Together they unraveled the mystery, wrapped in a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a burrito wrapped in saran wrap at a wrap party sponsored by Rap Snacks, by finding what they were searching for, and in turn created an incredible fairy tale ending that was only just the beginning of more amazingnessnesssss to come!!

This documentary is not about who Rodriguez is, but the search for him.  This journey and its destination create quite an emotional roller coaster, which had us fighting back tears and welcoming smiles at each and every turn in the road.  It doesn’t hurt neither that Rodriguez’ music is simply INCREDIBLE, which basically makes Malik Bendjelloul‘s doc is the greatest untold music story about (maybe) the greatest unknown musician, away and far and far and away, hands AND thighs down.  That’s quite a claim, WE KNOW, considering there are probably zillions of untold tales about zillions of unknown musicians that are still, well, untold, but we stick by this claim cause we are actually the final authority on everything, and we know what’s good, for you and for we, and for us all

Soundtrack of Our His Lives: a man who released only 2 albums in his prime that most people never even heard of to begin with, doesn’t exactly need a greatest hits album, but that’s pretty much the void that the fantastic soundtrack serves.  so, see the doc, then discover the music OR ELSE!!!

Verdictgo: Breast Breast Breast Breast In Show

Sugar Man is found NY/LA today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed

Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry
Don’t Smash His Camera
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 91 min

Who is Ai Weiwei?  What is really going on in China?  Why is Twitter important?  Big questions!  And big answers are in store in Alison Klayman‘s all over the place, all awesome in all those over the place places, incredible doc Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

So, really, who’s this Ai [eye] Weiwei [wayway] character?  He’s like the Chinese Damien Hirst (or Andy Warhol for those who don’t know who Damien Hirst is).  And why is he ‘never sorry’?  It’s actually a play on words, on the title of his Munich exhibition ‘So Sorry’, and he’s actually never sorry cause he does things that cause big brew-ha-has, in a good way.  He’s not just an artist, but an activist and champion of human rights, in his motherland that doesn’t let anyone be champions, humans, or right. He’s constantly asking for trouble, and he often gets it, cause Big Brother watches him, but he watches Big Brother, but someone needs to do this, cause if not him, then who?

Before seeing this, we knew next to nothing about Ai Weiwei.  After seeing this, we want to kiss the man, and stroke his beard, and see his art, and love it, and smile, cause he does, LOTS, in the face of misery and bureaucratic crap, and cause his smile is the best jolly fat Asian-man smile since Oddjob’s in Goldfinger.  it’s true, even if it sounds racist, but enjoying Asian smiles isn’t racist, is it?

Let Weiwei show you the wei.  The doc does the showing, and the telling.  It will show you a lot, and tell you even more, and has something for everyone (a cat that can open doors!), and everything for somebodies (call your mother, she worries!!).  It will make you glad you don’t live in China, but sad that China is the way that it is.  It will make you feel better about using Twitter, but make you feel bad that yer wasting your tweets on recaps of what yer eating and blabbing bout how amazing the Nationals are (#NatsBatsStats).  Weiwei is wei awesome, as a person, and a doc, so make your wei wei to a theater and learn, then help, and tweet, and smile, in the face of frowns

Finger Pointing Good:

Study of Perspective 1995-2003

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

go all the way with Weiwei in NY/SF/DC tomorrow, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed

Prometheus
On and Off The Origin of The Specieses
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 124 min

Dude, what’s your problem with Ridley Scott‘s Peromoutheosues?  Why do you have beef when this movie is all filet mignon-and-on-and-on til the break-a-break-a-dawn?  This is how quasi-prequels should be made!!!  This is what they should look like.  This is how they should be acted in like.  No cheese, all ruling.  Seriously, what didn’t you like about the best sci-fi movie of the 2000s, and Scott’s biggest and bestest since freaking Blade Runner?  What didn’t meat yer eggspectations?  This movie answers THE question to end began all questions of how we began, and how Alien began!!!!!  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the movie has theseses!!!!

a not as strong-willed girl with probably zero tattoos who used to be a strong-willed girl with a dragon tattoo!!!!

every woman AND man’s dream – a robot Michael Fassbender who does whatever you want it to do!!!

the opposite of finding Texas Tea/black gold!!

spaceships that look like rotten cashews!!!

SORTA FACE ON MARS THING!!!

batshit crazy rich old white dudes!!

Ryan Atwood’s skeezy brother!!

alien masks almost more alien than this helmet!!

bobbed in space!

this surly a$$hole guy who always plays surly a$$holes!!!

space vomit!

better use of Charzlizezeze Therzon in tight future clothings!!!

speaking of, Leeloo-lish clothings for space hibernating hotties!

&

[spoilerish alert!!!….]

the grossest of gross that could possibly happen to a woman’s tummy!!!!!!

moral of the story – IT’S A PREQUEL THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF SUCKS/STAR WARS EPISODES I – III!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Prometheus is currently lighting fires at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Bully
Kids Unincorporated
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
NR | 94 min

Mean kids suck.  But what can we do about them and about the kids who are being meaned on by them? Lee Hirsch & Alicia Dwyer‘s Bully documentary doesn’t have the exact answers, and apparently neither do the schools or the community at large, but what it does have is a deeply moving and beautifully crafted examination of one of the biggest problems facing today’s youth in hallways, playgrounds & school buses across America

While Bully‘s message in wide-ranging, it wisely focuses on a handful of kids by putting their bully-ish problems on eye-opening display/dismay.  One kid has fish-y looking lips (see above photo) and is picked on endlessly for that reason, amongst other things, another is a gay girl growing up in a town where gay doesn’t exist, and another is an African-American girl who was pushed so far that she borrowed her mom’s gun and threatened other students with it (luckily no one got hurt). There are two other kids chronicled, but tragically, their stories are told after the fact by their parents, since they were bullied to the point where they believed that life was no longer worth living (a scene in which one of the parents points out the closet where her son had hung himself is as pretty much as wurst as wurst gets)

These bullied kids can’t defend themselves, and since the schools seem to be at a loss in the helping department (they all lean on the ole ‘kids will be kids’ excuse), it’s pretty much left up to the parents to make a difference.  And a lot of them do, but in most cases, it’s only after tragedy strikes.  Some of the parents aren’t even fully aware that a bully-ish problem even exists for their child.  In the case of the fish-lipped boy, his parents have zero idea at how much gruff their kid goes thru just riding the bus.  At one point it gets so bad that the filmmakers decided to share their footage with his parents and the school.  When we have to have filmmakers blowing whistles in our society, you know we’ve gots bigger issues than juss bullying!!!

moral of the story – our theory goes, if a documentary is released in a movie theater, then it’s probably worth seeing.  Check!  And a new theory – if the Weinstein Bros release a documentary, it’s probably about some burning hot button topic that probably must be seen (or at least they will make you think it is).  Check!  Good for the Bros Weinstein, and for this whole ratings controversy, as it’s bringing well needed attention to a doc that probably otherwise wouldn’t get much attention, other then for people who work for anti-bullying organizations.  If you have kids OR were ever a kid, you should see this.  Spank dog that we no longer have to go thru middle school ever again, let alone ride a school bus.  Too bad zillions of kids have to, YEAR AFTER YEAR!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Bully pushes its way into select theaters on Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

21 Jump Street
They Got The Beat, Street
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 109 min

21 Jump Street the movie defied the following odds…

a) its trailer was horrible

b) aside from The Fugitive, Dragnet, The Brady Bunch, The Addams Family and The Untouchables, old TV shows rebooted to feature films suck

c) if it’s the 21st century and Ice Cube is in your movie, it’s probably not funny

How it bypassed all of these roadblocks is kinda a modern day movie miracle.  And on top of all that, it’s the most laugh out loud-able film we’ve seen since Jackass 3-D, but if yer talking actual scripted comedies, then it would be the laughiest riot laugh since 2008’s Step Brothers, but it’s better than Step Brothers, so we’d have to definitely say that 21 Jump Street is the funniest f$%king movie we’ve seen since the 2007 original version of Death At A Funeral!!!!!!  That’s right, yo, it’s taken 5 years to make us laugh that hard again.  You know we’re tough on comedy, but it’s a tough love.  No easy laughs, although we do love slapstick humor, which is kinda the easiest laugh giver of givers.  Anywho, take this paragraph for it’s worth, and that worth is that 21 Jump Street is comedy gold, and will probably end up as one of our favorites of 2012… and it’s only March.  WOW

Credit all involved, from the directors (hot buttery action from bottom to top by Phil Lord & Chris Miller), to the writers (Michael Bacall, who just gave us the crizzazzy Project X, with help from Jonah Hill, giving us the winkiest eye wink that will make you want to wink right back) and to the actors (Hill again, in silly straight man skinny mode, plus playing against type Channing Tatum, playing against type, and the aforementioned usually unfunny Ice Cube being funny, and Rob Riggle, who is also usually not funny also being funny, and Chris Parnell, who is criminally funny, being criminally funny, and it’s a crime in general that he doesn’t work more, cause he’s one of SNL’s best alumnuts, EVER, and a guy who looks exactly like a mini-James Franco cause he is a mini-James Franco, cause he is James Franco’s brother Dave Franco + some slices of Ellie Kemper & Nick Offerman, and finally Brie Larson, who you’ll instantly fall in love with, if you weren’t already, and who’s future’s so bright that she’d put Ray-Ban out of bidness)

So what more do you need to know?  Plot?  There is one.  A very decent enuff one that supports the rest of the funny bidness from becoming udder malarkey bidness

moral of the story – they made a movie out of a TV show that didn’t need a movie, and even if it’s barely sorta like the TV show, it’s better than the TV show, and better than any TV show that was turned into a movie since The Brady Bunch!  BAM!!!!

Fanning Over Dakota: Jess Weixler is fine and all, but we recommend you upgrade to the similiarish looking…

Dakota Johnson

and know who she is?

DON JOHNSON AND MELANIE GRIFFITH’S KID!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

21 Jumps into a theater near jews today!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…