Thighs Wide Shut

Big Eyes
Pretty (Brutal) As A Picture
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

Margaret Keane made some pretty freaky looking art in the 60s – you know, those ones with them kids with giant scary eyes. Well, apparently during the height of the paintings’ fame and fortunes, it was her husband, Walter Keane, who took ALL the credit for creating them, while Margaret kept a blind eye and muted mouth, perpetuating the lie.  Eventually she had had enough of the lies, and Walter, and went public with the truth.  Tim Burton‘s Big Eyes tells this story, and while I guess it’s a story that should be told, it’s not an enjoyable one to listen to whatsoever

Big Eyes is zero fun to watch.  That doesn’t mean that Burton didn’t do the job visually – in fact, the 60s hazy glow, and Keane’s painting all shine bright (and worth most of the price of admission), but the story behind the easel is juss too much to deal with.  But if you’re super into Christoph Waltz being a smarmy jerk to Amy Adams for slightly over and hour and a half, then stare wide at Big Eyes!  (and listen to Lana Del Rey’s amazing song!)

Verdictgo: very very mild Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Eyes blink currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Search For General Tso
Dish Dished!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Unrated | 71 min

Finally, there’s a doc answering the question that no one was dying to know – who was General Tso, and why was a chicken dish named in his honor????? And now that I know the answers, all I want to do is eat 1291238910120120 lbs of General Tso’ chicken and be his best friend.  Sadly the great General is long gone, and whether or not he actually did ever love chicken is an answer lost to history, but director Ian Cheney, writer Jennifer 8 Lee and producer Amanda Murray give us all the upload on the down-low we can swallow, in a taut, fun and crazily informative 71 minutes.  Not only do we learn of Tso and the who, when, where, how and why of the signature dish, but the history past & present of how Chinese food and America became the greatest United States union since Lewis & Clark  

Here’s hoping that their next doc will focus on the ever-growing phenomenon that is Sesame Chicken Friday

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Tso generally rules, in limited release and VOD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Inherent Vice
California Scheming
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 148 min

In a haze and in a daze, Paul Thomas Anderson‘s take on Thomas Pynchon‘s Inherent Vice is well worth toking.  Why?

it’s…

(thankfully not the dis-Master)

Lebowski-y, but smarter(!)(?)

and says hello to The Long Goodbye

and is as serious (and seriously silly) as Joe Friday’s haircut

LSDeez nutz

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Jan 1, 2014 at 8:21pm PST

and Eli Cash-y

and Paul Avery Zodiac-y

and Nathan Thurm-y squirmy

and Shasta-y

and Katherine Waterston continues her ‘brave’ (read – ‘nude’) work in cinema

and all this equals…

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Vice is nice at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Imitation Game
The Code Less Traveled
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Everyone is gay for Benedict Cumberbatch.  So when Benedict Cumberbatch plays a gay guy, does everyone get gayer than all these people???  YESS!!!!

In The Imitation Game, Bennie Cumby plays Alan Turing, the godfather of computers, and the man that broke the Nazi Enigma machine code, and shortened WWII by II years.  WHAT A GUY!!!  But he was gay, and being gay back then was not all that, like being gay is now all that.  He couldn’t wear feather boas in the streets or see Can’t Stop The Music in theaters, and ultimately it cost him his dignity and his life.  WOAH!!!

The movie is his story – becoming gay, going gay for Maths (love how British people call it ‘Maths’), then going gay for cracking codes and saving the world, then juss being gay, and getting in trouble for it.  SO GAY!!!  But all this gayness doesn’t make for a super gay movie – it’s actually a pretty straightforward tale of men (and a woman – Keira Knightley) at war and trying to end it – and it’s good stuff – juss nothing super gay that will make you shoot rainbows out of your butt

BUTT – Charles Dance – cinema’s greatest modern screen a$$hole (a SAG-HOFer) – gets to be a screen a$$hole to a cocky Cumberbatch.  I could watch them go at it ALL DAY (not in a gay way, but yes, also in a gay way).  Sadly, they don’t go at it all day, so I guess I’ll hope for Imitation Game 2 or juss a 2nd pairing between the two (although the two have been in 2 other things together but not sure they shared the screen at the same time)  

I mean, who doesn’t want to see a Benedict-Charles dance off pants off???

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Foxcatcher
In Cold Blood 2
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 134 min

If you are unaware of the story of John du Pont and the brothers Schultz, you’re better off not knowing a thing, to fully enjoy experience the atmospherically jarring movie that is Bennett Miller‘s Foxcatcher

All you need to know is that there’s wraslin’ and a quest for gold, and plenty of uncomfortable silences, and amazing hair and make-up work – that beyond works, coupled with incredible performances by Steve Carell, Channing Tatum and Mark Ruffalo

dude – shiz is so fcuked up, and all so true (mostly)

and Anthony Michael Hall!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Foxcatcher catches your attention at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…