Thighs Wide Shut

Snow White and The Huntsman
Babes In Woodland
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 127 min

THIS MOVIE IS NOT ABOUT JON HUNTSMAN’S HOT DAUGHTER OR HIS DAD WHO INVENTED THE MCDONALDS CLAMSHELL!!!  That’s already 28282839329393939 strikes against it.  Having Kristen Stewart play Snow White is like having 28283813292323932932 more strikes, and yet, yet, yet, somehow this Snow White movie was like a poor middle class man’s version of The Princess Bride!!!  Sorta.  And Chris Hemsworth‘s beefy beefness beefs up the fun, but not as much as Charlize Theron milking a milky milk bath or her brother Sam Spruell bobbing a man bob or the fact that they somehow shrunk many awesome normal sized actors (Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, Toby Jones, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson) be like tiny sized actors!  Bet Peter Dinklage and Warwick Davis was pissed!  Snow White?  More like Snow RIGHT!

Seeking A Friend for The End of the World
Apocalypse Tao
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 101 min

Do you like Steve Carell?  Do you like Keira Knightley?  If the answer is yes to both, say yes to this fun little diversion that’s like The 40-Year Old Virgin meets Pride & Prejudice.  Not really, but if you sat thru both of those movies, you can sit thru this one, and you may smile, while the world falls apart, in an amusing way that’s like Atonement meets Dinner for Schmucks.  Not really

Your Sister’s Sister
Oh Brother, Where Art House Thou?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

Lynn Shelton‘s Your Sister’s Sister is about two sisters, Emily Blunt and Rosemarie DeWitt, who go to a cabin in the woods and take turns banging one non-related fellow, Mark Duplass.  Sorta, not really.  It starts off dark and heavy, but somehow that’s all forgotten in about 8 minutes, and for the better, cause the gloom gives way to fun and lots of words, so if you want explosions and car chases, this isn’t you movie.  But then the movie tries to do stuff towards the end, and it’s more implausible than me becoming a vegetarian Cowboys fan who licks swastikas for breakfast.  Sorta

Verdictgo: ALL THREE be Jeepers Worth A Peepers

ALL THREE might be playing at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Company Men
Recession Unspecial
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Good luck to those who have to sell a movie about people losing their jobs and finding it hard to find a new one on an American public going thru the same exact conundrum.  We go to the movies to escape our daily lives, not to swim in its misery!  That’s the short of John Wells‘ Company Men, a timely taking stock of where we’re at, but really, who wants to pay to see something like this now?  Well, for those who found Up In The Air a lil too chipper and silly (umm, us, and we guess no one else?), Company is a better dose of reality.  It’s a bland reality, and thus, purty much a bland movie, filled with quality actors doing nuttin but sporting frowny faces:  there’s smuggy Ben Affleck, who goes from playing perfect house with Rosemarie DeWitt to the frowny poor house, and then helping to rebuild houses with his frowny jacka$$ brother-in-law Kevin Costner.  And there’s Chris Cooper, a too old to be rehired bloke, who’s smile is more of a frown than his frown is!  Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t even need to emote sadness, as the wrinkles on his face are like a thousand frowns.  Even the company people doing the downsizing, like Craig T. Nelson and Maria Bello, have nothing to smile about.  We’re hactually frowning as we type this!!  Dangs, someone peas get this movie a job!!!

House As A Life:  the house that Ben & Kevin fix up is a lil history all its own!  according to this site… The Captain House was built in 1804-1807. The basement served as a hiding place for the Underground Railroad. The home across the street was the temporary home of the first president of the United States, George Washington during the Revolutionary War. woah!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Men aren’t much Company starting this Friday for 1 week only in NY/LA and then the rest of America in January

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…