Thighs Wide Shut

Molly’s Game
Deck Stacked Against Her
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 140 min

Aaron Sorkin pulls out all the stops in his slick and fun directorial debut – Molly’s Game, and while there is much to enjoy in the true story of poker pitboss Molly Bloom’s rise and fall, the end result doesn’t come close cinematically to the other films he’s lent his penmanship to – Steve Jobs, Moneyball and The Social Network, but that’s OK, cause it’s hard to hit home runs in both the writing AND directing categories, and especially on one’s first time out behind the lens, and it’s also OK, cause the movie is really good!

Molly Bloom (a confident and chesty Jessica Chastain) is all about rising and falling.  Once on the cusp of skiing at the Winter Olympics, she saw her lifelong medaling dreams dashed in a bad trial run downhill, and so she picked herself up, moved away from the snow to Los Angeles and started over again.  Found work working for a fast-paced prick, who happened to run an underground poker game with Hollywood stars and rich hot shots, and found her new calling running those games.  A big risk for both players and Molly, but the money was just too good to pass up on.  Things go good, then things go bad, but Molly always seems to find her way out on top again, and again… until the FBI comes in to say GAME OVER.  But that’s not where the movie ends – it’s actually the starting point, where Molly tries to fight back at the system with a lawyer (Idris Elba) who sees the good in her, and the evil in the world.  DAMN YOU EVIL WORLD WITH YOUR LAWS AND STUFF!!

That’s nice and all, but it’s actually all the meetings with her lawyer, and courtroom non-drama that drags the film down a bit from being something fantastic.  While the chips are stacked and the cards are dealt, the movie flies, but when it gets bogged down in legal briefs, it seems far from being brief, as it lingers on a little TOO much.  Still, Molly and Sorkin have a winning hand and a winning movie, and Kevin Costner works magic in limited screentime, and you know if there’s a movie about competition and Kevin Costner’s in it – it’s a winner!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Game on Xmas day at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Man of Steel
Bigville
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 143 min

Dude, Zack Snyder was 2/3rds on his way to making the bestest Zack Snyder movie ever, but then he turned his Superman movie into Rampage, and then mine eyes and brain were like, NOOOOO!!!!  MAKE IT STOP!!!  MAKE IT STOP!!!  BUTTT still, 2/3rds amazing Zack Snyder movie is > most Zack Snyder movies!!!!  IT’S TRUE!!! Cause 300 was red sauce on würst pasta, no one saw that Owl movie, Sucker Punch sucked balls, and Watchmen, while technically and visually brilliant, has since left us with an empty impression.  But Snyder’s Superman (called Man of Steel) felt kinda fresh and exciting, even though we already know everything about Superman, and we’re still attached to the the idea of Christopher Reeve as the one AND only Superman

But…

Henry Cavill IS Superman.  He’s sexy, and he can furrow his brow, and we wanted to have sex with him on The Tudors, and we want to have sex with him now AND 9EVER!!  HE WIN ME!!!

Amy Adams is fine as Lois Lane, and certainly an upgrade over Kate Snoozeworth, but a deaf mute snail would have been an upgrade over Snoozyworth, so nothing shatteringearthy here.  Btw, Superman Returns was totally a good movie

Michael Shannon sure puts his own stamp of terence on General Zod, but how many times can Michael Shannon make a crazy face in a movie?  We worry about him!!  And he so scary that we never want to meet him in real life!

OMG OMG OMG Russell Crowe as El Guapo-El Papa Frita-Jor-El was the knees bees!!!!  Can he be our dad?  Can there be a prequel spinoff movie where he has a beard and does stuff on Krypton like bang his hot Israeli wife Ayelet Zurer til the Krypton cows come home??  The only thing he don’t got on Brando’s Jor is awesome white hair and the ability to mispronounce his planet as ‘Kryptin’

Kevin Costner & Diane Lane as Ma & Pa Kent were good enuff.  Nothing crazy, but mainly cause Smallville is the torch bearer for all young Clarkness stufffffs.  And WTF was up with Pa Kent saving that dog?  Look, I know people love dogs, but no dog is worth giving up yer own life for.  Spoiler alert – I just spoiled a refarted movie death for you, sorry

Laurence Fishburne is Perry White, EIC of the Daily Planet.  He has about as much to do in this movie as a stalk of Kent corn does

7-11, IHOP and Sears – they paid to be in this movie and they all get destroyed.  KINDA AWESOME!!!

The CGI – looked great, especially the shiz on Krypton, like that giant sun

But…

that last hour was juss TOOOOOOO much.  They could cut out about half of the destroying earth stuff, and the fighting in space things, and the Daily Planet intern being stuck in rubble whatevers.  Look, it’s cool to destroy a city and stuff, but the Rampageing didn’t do anything for me neither when it happened in The Avengers, and they only had a fraction of the destruction.  And seriouslyly, where does a sequel go from here?  How do you ‘top’ the toppling of Metropolis?  I’m sure Lex Luthor will pop up in Man of Steel II, but what he gonna do?  Threaten to destroy the city?  Been there, DONE WAY TOO MUCH OF THAT!

But…

There’s more to Snyder’s Superman than there is/was to Nolan (Man of Steel‘s writer/producer)’s Batman series.  It’s dark, but not TOO dark, but Snyder’s Supes is be more emotional and inspiring than watching Nolan’s Bruce Wayne wax and wane.  There’s no humor in either Superman or Batman, but who needs humor?  Those stupid Marvel movies have TOO MUCH HUMOR, and they is juss stoopid.  Enuff with winking at the camera, and just save the world, K?  Snyder and Nolan somehow get it, and for the most part, it’s really f#$king super, man!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Man of Steel soars currently at a theater near jews

oh, and major kudos to AMC who installed POOFY COMFY LEATHER RECLINING CHAIRS in a local theater that I always thought was a dumphole.  hope they do this to all their theaters, cause it’s a game changer!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Company Men
Recession Unspecial
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Good luck to those who have to sell a movie about people losing their jobs and finding it hard to find a new one on an American public going thru the same exact conundrum.  We go to the movies to escape our daily lives, not to swim in its misery!  That’s the short of John Wells‘ Company Men, a timely taking stock of where we’re at, but really, who wants to pay to see something like this now?  Well, for those who found Up In The Air a lil too chipper and silly (umm, us, and we guess no one else?), Company is a better dose of reality.  It’s a bland reality, and thus, purty much a bland movie, filled with quality actors doing nuttin but sporting frowny faces:  there’s smuggy Ben Affleck, who goes from playing perfect house with Rosemarie DeWitt to the frowny poor house, and then helping to rebuild houses with his frowny jacka$$ brother-in-law Kevin Costner.  And there’s Chris Cooper, a too old to be rehired bloke, who’s smile is more of a frown than his frown is!  Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t even need to emote sadness, as the wrinkles on his face are like a thousand frowns.  Even the company people doing the downsizing, like Craig T. Nelson and Maria Bello, have nothing to smile about.  We’re hactually frowning as we type this!!  Dangs, someone peas get this movie a job!!!

House As A Life:  the house that Ben & Kevin fix up is a lil history all its own!  according to this site… The Captain House was built in 1804-1807. The basement served as a hiding place for the Underground Railroad. The home across the street was the temporary home of the first president of the United States, George Washington during the Revolutionary War. woah!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Men aren’t much Company starting this Friday for 1 week only in NY/LA and then the rest of America in January

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…