Thighs Wide Shut

yep, we (Thigh Master, Thighsbart, Jewanicur, BJNewms, Sonkin, Gomby & Wolffie) go back to school more often than you do. wees very proud alumnus of Indiana University, juss like Kevin Kline & Jim Jones & Marc Singer from V!! also wees very proud at how much food & fun & friends we can shove into a single weekend. this particular weekend may look a lot like others of the past, but it was different, cause no ranch fart ever smells the same as another.  they like snowflakes.  anywho…

we snuck into a frat kitchen to show you what college looks like

Keystone Light will never die!!!

but we also took the time to look at a different kind of man-made beauty!

like nicely shaped buildings on the bestest campus evs!!!

who wrote this, a mail or femail???

doesn’t sound like much of a priority anymo!

wethinks David Lynch stole his Twin Peaks hallways from the HPER‘s

and the Nazis stole the swastika from the same place!!

where’s the ranch farting lane?

get it, a lane where ranch farting is accepted?

for richer or pourer, we sunk the Biz at Nick’s!!!

our mos flavorite bar in the world, besides the Dive Bar!!!

and yet, despite of all the debauchery, there was still time for culture!!

at the Lilly Library, now our mos flavorite library besides ones where there are hot & naughty librarians

any Tom, Dick or Larry can swing on in & look at magnificent manuscripts & pertinent papers

like Orson Welles’ shiz (and Vonnegut’s & others)!!!!!

they even have early drafts of Citizen Kane when it was called The American!!!!

and you get to put yer greasy lil paws all over them!!!

and you can even JO to his birth certificate!!

and yes, his dad’s name is Dick Head Welles!!!

and yes, Orson was above average!!!!

twas such an honor to touch his honor card!!!

but a C in gym Orson????

too busy being a genius to be in shape????

they also have a lot o’ John Ford’s shiz, like ironically enuff, his Oscar for How Green Way My Valley

which wrongly bested Citizen Kane at the 1941 Academy Awards!!! bastardos!!!!

ok kids, the writing was on the walls

do not try any of the following at home, and juss be happy you can’t smell the ranch farts at home!!

yours drooly, the mumble narrator and overlord of ranch farts!!!

we know you like to watch!!!

this is proof that there is a God

but ranch farts prove that there isn’t a God

but Pizza Express‘ Dixie Chicken (BBQ grilled chicken, red onion, Wisconsin cheddar) is also proof that there is one!!

this za may be basic Midwestern stuffs, but it’s better than a lot of NY za!! 15reals!!!!!

and there aint nuttin wetter than these there wet cokes!!

besides our vaginas after seeing bountiful feast after feast!!

extra! extra!  fart all about it!!!

man, shiz really adds up super qwikly!!!

even branched out and had a lil Greek food!

the Cheesepa’rer & other goodies gave us tzatziki farts!!!

at Hinkle’s Hamburgers’ grease is STILL the word, booty!!

place is so dang good, they don’t even need a website!

had to make a stop de pit at the VP

and munch on an adequate chicken salad sangwich

so blazed and confused that me eyes are going in nine different directions/erections!!!!

this is the only thing we didn’t eat this weekend

and thanks to Imodium AD, we didn’t have to poop much!!

shocking, we know

photo assist from OviWani

Rock The Bells
Governors Island
August 28th

Bells were rocked at Rock The Bells, and sometimes they weren’t rocked at all, this past Saturday on Shutter Island.  Was it all a 7 layer dream, or was DiCaprio the killa bee on the swarm?????  What are we talkings about?  Dunno.  It was a hazy shade of a summer day out there on that isle, where we stayed awhile and did Coke in the Coke Den

no silly, it was the kind of Coke that you dranks, not that powdery shit you put up your nose that does nothing but keep you up til 6am and makes yer jaw twitch more than that dude’s head in Jacob’s Ladder

check out these other hot photos of Coked up Bells Rockaszzz

Boy oh boyzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!  Slick Rick was slick AND Rick.  KRS-One was like KRS-2.  Rakim paid us in full.  Jedi Mind Tricks didn’t work on us.  THOSE AREN’T THE DROIDS WE WERE LOOKING FOR!!!  Maybe these two were the ones we were looking for…

Lauryn Hill’s set was an absolute mess, but think that had more to do with the fact that she used a live band to support her jams and that band sounded like scooby DOO-DOO POOP POOP.  Very disappointing, but at least she showed up (late), as opposed to snot at all, like she did in MD yesterday (stop making excuses Talib).  No worries dun sun, cause Tribe Called Quest KICKED IT, YES THEY CANS.  No doubtttles they dids!!!!!!!!!!  5ft assasin wit the ruff neck bidness, and then the Clan took to the stage and we all screamed PROTECT YA NECK, cause our necks were so rockings the bells from THEIR AWESOMENESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!  think we’ve now seen em in concert like 5 times and everytime it’s like water for chocolate and a touch of heaven and a touch of mink!!! WU-TANG 5EVAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  we skipped Snoop cause West Coast is the durst coast and Nate Dogg wasn’t there and we had to escape Stutter Island before the movie got too out of hand

here’s a gross and phillaic and sugar coated image of me and Joe E Tätä Esq for your indigestion…

DINNER OF CHAMPIONS!!!!!!

Perv-e-us-lee on Bells Del Rock:
2008, La Di Da Di We Like To Party Like It’s 1992-1995

Hotlanta’s World of Coke
visited with the IU Dumplin gang
& The Gr8 and Gr9 Goldenshmizzle

before you can see or do anything, one is forced
to watch the world’s creepiest propaganda film ever

somewhere Leni Riefenstahl is turning over in her grave, a grave that I pissed on!!!

but some propganda deserves mad props-a-grandeur!

the original ‘Oh Snap!’ -Jewanicure

even lezzies love Coke!

that’s how they talk in Irkutsk

more cans he can’t hate

on second thought, he’ll never like any cans

now it’s off to the tasting room!!

American Coke Products

classic tastes, classic logos, juss so effin classic all around
EAT IT PEPSI!

enjoy

Tab Hunter

Asian Coke Products

they all tasted like soy sauce

Latin America Coke Products

they all tasted like salsa

Paraguay?

more like paraGAY

European Coke Products

we’d rather drink tuna juice than drink Beverly

African Coke Products

they all tasted like famine

Sunfill, Dijoubti for ‘mouthwash’

Dijboubti, English for ‘your booty’

the two best Non-US Hotties drinky-poos

Krest Ginger Ale and Stoney Tangawizi (Ginger Beer)

man o man did our mouths tasted like awfuls afterwards
so gross! like mad gross! like too gross! like 288 and then some!
but it’s something you gotta do at least once
even if it’s overpriced
and even if that crapdubious propaganda film is
more disturbing than LVT’s Antichrist

Don’t worry bout a thing lil Sasha Cohen, my sweet tits breasts anus naked butt thighs nude vagina hot camel toe poon tang clan heroes in a half shell pics (sorry, that’s purely for Googling purposes), Michelle Kwan still blows

BREAKING WIND NEWS!!!
Waffle House to Start Taking Credit Cards [via Brawny Man]
What’s next, horse on Venus?

Bestest actor who isn’t named Joseph Gordon-Levitt, yet has the bestest name: Burn Gorman. Where to catch em if you can: as that guy in Layer Cake and as Kenge and Carboys’ clouseauish clerk Guppy (another bestest name) from BBC’s Bleak House, which sadly will turn my house bleak wheneth it ends this Sunday on PBS. Seriously yo, I know it looks boring and stuff, like most things before 1950, but you should totally Netflix em when they are ready for Netflix. I mean, it don’t got much better than unsung underground secret future super hotness cuttie cute ness pie Carey Mulligan, dudes with crazy facial hair, smallpox, Wedge as John Jarndyce (I may juss have to change my name to Banning Cocq John Jarndyce the IVIIXXICLM of Westphalia), Janine Evans (nee Butcher), a 2006 inductee of the SAG-HOF (Screen Asshole Guild – Hall of Fame), a dude named Smallweed, a dude named Clamb, and GUPPY!!! Charles Dickens may have hated Jews, but he certainly had a way with names! GUPPY!!

Hairparently, they love stealing my snaps of Natty Lite tall boys (from ThighsBart’s B-Day) over there in Persia

All he wants is $2

And anyone else out thar ever wonder what woulda happened had Al Gore become president like he rightfully should of New Coke triumphed in the Cola Wars? Yeah, what if? And what if Theo Ratliff ate out Heathcliff (or that purty kitty Riff Raff used to bang)? Maybe NC pitchman Max Headroom woulda gotten head from Hedda Hopper‘s love child with Glenne Headly and Hedy Lamarr!!

1985 > 2006

[via eBayte]

I need to guzzle one of dem dere cans, yesterday!!

[pic via CY Cobb]