Thighs Wide Shut

we were here

and we wish you were too

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this list is life

and farts!

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this picture should hang at the MoMA

this ranch sauce should
be served everywhere

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leftovers?  not bloody likely

indigestion?  bloody likely

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hollandaise holiday sauce

black gold, Bloomington tea

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this is our brains on college

any questions?

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biz sinking at Nick’s
is always mandatory

woman in the background was shocked that we were able to
capture the pour in mid-flight

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blue drinks for all!

good tasting drinks for none!

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rough nite for somebody

but sometimes a necessary evil

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and now for the ‘cultural’
part of our tour

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Zells yeah!!!

fighting Illini? more like losing Illini!!!

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if you can read these
you don’t need glasses

and probably also have a tiny penis

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IU Cinema is a bestestestest

and so was seeing the Cary Grant / Katherine Hepburn comedy Holiday

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we’d follow the RHCP cover band
Funky Monks practically anywhere…

…there’s 8 cent beer
and 18 year old women

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????

does not compute

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America, where everything’s bigger, not necessarily better

you lighters up our lives

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boob grab!!!

but the question is, real boobs???

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LOL!!!!

LOL!!!! continued

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looking for ranch farts from years past?  YOU GOT IT!!!

yep, we (Thigh Master, Thighsbart, Jewanicur, BJNewms, Sonkin, Gomby & Wolffie) go back to school more often than you do. wees very proud alumnus of Indiana University, juss like Kevin Kline & Jim Jones & Marc Singer from V!! also wees very proud at how much food & fun & friends we can shove into a single weekend. this particular weekend may look a lot like others of the past, but it was different, cause no ranch fart ever smells the same as another.  they like snowflakes.  anywho…

we snuck into a frat kitchen to show you what college looks like

Keystone Light will never die!!!

but we also took the time to look at a different kind of man-made beauty!

like nicely shaped buildings on the bestest campus evs!!!

who wrote this, a mail or femail???

doesn’t sound like much of a priority anymo!

wethinks David Lynch stole his Twin Peaks hallways from the HPER‘s

and the Nazis stole the swastika from the same place!!

where’s the ranch farting lane?

get it, a lane where ranch farting is accepted?

for richer or pourer, we sunk the Biz at Nick’s!!!

our mos flavorite bar in the world, besides the Dive Bar!!!

and yet, despite of all the debauchery, there was still time for culture!!

at the Lilly Library, now our mos flavorite library besides ones where there are hot & naughty librarians

any Tom, Dick or Larry can swing on in & look at magnificent manuscripts & pertinent papers

like Orson Welles’ shiz (and Vonnegut’s & others)!!!!!

they even have early drafts of Citizen Kane when it was called The American!!!!

and you get to put yer greasy lil paws all over them!!!

and you can even JO to his birth certificate!!

and yes, his dad’s name is Dick Head Welles!!!

and yes, Orson was above average!!!!

twas such an honor to touch his honor card!!!

but a C in gym Orson????

too busy being a genius to be in shape????

they also have a lot o’ John Ford’s shiz, like ironically enuff, his Oscar for How Green Way My Valley

which wrongly bested Citizen Kane at the 1941 Academy Awards!!! bastardos!!!!

ok kids, the writing was on the walls

do not try any of the following at home, and juss be happy you can’t smell the ranch farts at home!!

yours drooly, the mumble narrator and overlord of ranch farts!!!

we know you like to watch!!!

this is proof that there is a God

but ranch farts prove that there isn’t a God

but Pizza Express‘ Dixie Chicken (BBQ grilled chicken, red onion, Wisconsin cheddar) is also proof that there is one!!

this za may be basic Midwestern stuffs, but it’s better than a lot of NY za!! 15reals!!!!!

and there aint nuttin wetter than these there wet cokes!!

besides our vaginas after seeing bountiful feast after feast!!

extra! extra!  fart all about it!!!

man, shiz really adds up super qwikly!!!

even branched out and had a lil Greek food!

the Cheesepa’rer & other goodies gave us tzatziki farts!!!

at Hinkle’s Hamburgers’ grease is STILL the word, booty!!

place is so dang good, they don’t even need a website!

had to make a stop de pit at the VP

and munch on an adequate chicken salad sangwich

so blazed and confused that me eyes are going in nine different directions/erections!!!!

this is the only thing we didn’t eat this weekend

and thanks to Imodium AD, we didn’t have to poop much!!

shocking, we know

photo assist from OviWani