Thighs Wide Shut

Animal Kingdom
Broken Silence On The Lam
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Something is afoot in down under cinema, and it’s all on solid ground… solid ground that’s TOTALLYYY AWESOMES!!!!  If you saw The Square, you’re already on this right track, and when you see (WHICH YOU WILL DOGNAMMI!!!) David Michôd‘s brilliant debut, Animal Kingdom, you’ll be on the fast track to this new era of Ozploitation (do yerself a flavor and rent the doc Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! about the old era).  ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!

So what’s it all about Aussie Mega shampoo? A family of thieves (Ben Mendelsohn, Joel Edgerton, Luke Ford & Sullivan Stapleton) and their tough as nine inched nailed mum (Jacki Weaver), with the grossest mother-son kisses around, are keeping a low profile as the fuzz (Guy Pearce!!!!) are hot on their tail.  Then their bashful cousin (James Frecheville) comes to live with em, after his mum dies, and shiz gets foreal as he gets in the way!!!!!  Cops are gunned down, family members are too, and many webs be weaved before we find out who will be the last man standing when the dust settles.  Yep, simple stuff, but it’s 109% tight tension that no knife could ever cut!  ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Throw This Barbie On Our Shrimp: Jacinta Stapleton wasn’t in the movie, but she did attend the premiere to support her bro Sully, and she’s wikkkkid hotttttttttt mate!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Animal Kingdom is king of the jungle and the limited release movie theaters it’s playing in

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Tillman Story
Apparently No One Can Handle The Truth
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Think you know the Pat Tillman story? YOU DON’T KNOW PAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! We didn’t either, and even after wading through director Amir Bar-Lev (My Kid Could Paint That) and writer Mark Monroe‘s (The Cove) searing AND MUSS MUSS MUSS SEE doc (with narration by Josh Brolin) on the man, much the myth and his open to interpretation legend, we still don’t know his whole story.  Tillman’s story is actually bigger than himself, and the story of the story goes all the way up a twisty and misleading path to Bush era 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and it’s head-scratching and head-shaking, and is juss an all around excellent piece about a dead solider and his incredible family who will never rest in peace as they search for answers to questions that no one wants to answer

The sad irony of Pat Tillman’s story and the story of the doc itself is the unwanted attention paid to his life and deeply unfortunate friendly-fired death.   His employers, the Army, naturally took advantage of his stature and notoriety and exploited it for their own gains, and covered-up the not so good bits.  What follows are more poor decisions, redactions, then the family’s strong reactions and determination to right the government’s wrongs.  And yet if Tillman wasn’t someone of a certain celebrity, would this documentary even exist and reach a (hopefully) sizable audience?  Would people care as much if the same exact story was being told about an unknown soldier?  Questions to ponder fo sho, but this baby’s already in the can and you need to let it out like Prince Albert

Friday Night Rights: lets remember the good times too, and watch this highlight reel of Tillman’s high school playing days

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Tillman scores in NY & LA tomorrow and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Step Up 3D
Best Side Story
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

We were dragged to Step Up 1 kicking and screaming, and came out of the theater kicking our heels!  We were more of a willing participant when Step Up 2 The Streets hit the streets, and we came out of the theater with precipitating pants!!  Words cannot describe our anticipation leading up to the release of the 3-D third edish, which was 2 years in the making/baking!!!  And?  And??  And?????????????????? STEP UP 3-D TOTES STEPPED IT UP LIKE TIMES 18 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Check your plot and cares at the door, cause Step Up 3-D is 111% fun and probably the only other modern 3-D movie worth seeing besides Avatar.  This is a 3-D movie that points and throws things at us, the audience, and that, to us, is what 3-D is and should be all about.  CHEW ON THAT!!!  Bless you director Jon Chu!!!  We’d mention the screenwriters too, but there was more attention (spankfully) paid to the choreography than there was to the stenography!!!  And Moose (Adam G. Sevani, who’s like a cross between Harpo Marx, Jack White and Mike Damone from Fast Times) returns, even MOOSEYER than ever!!!!!!!! And now he’s stepped up to college at NYU, and after being in Washington Square Park for all of 8 seconds he’s instantly dragged into the underground dancing scene and things get all Breakin’ 2 Electric Awesome Glue!!! And Rick Malambri has a slick body and and even slicker 4 o’clock shadow and Alyson Stoner doesn’t get stoned, but the auidence will be trippin out!!!  And Joe Slaughter is a class A screen a$$hole, like Bradley Cooper, but with even less charm and even lessssser acting skill$$$, and then… ZARDOZ, but before that, there’s this vision Vinson of beauty…

Over Under On How Many Times You JO To This Girl From Down Under?: please do squeeze the Sharni… Vinson!

Verdictgo: 9 star cinema!!!!!! aka Breast In Show

Step Up steps it UP!!!!!! currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

too many reviews to do this week, so lettuce do sum short & sweet ones…

The Girl Who Played With Fire
(Flickan Som Lekte Med Elden)
We Wouldn’t Care If She Were Playing With Poop,
Cause We’d Show Up To Watch Her Play With Anything!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Lisbeth Salander(/Noomi Rapace) is our hem flicka.  That’s ‘homegirl’ loosely translated into Swedish, which is the kind of fish you’ll be sleeping with if you don’t agree or don’t know what we’re talking bout.  If you saw (or read) The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo then yer a wise person already on the right track.  If you haven’t, stop reading this, start that and then come back and start reading this again.  Actually skip reading this and go see the mighty slow-burned AND high-octaned (AT THE SAME TIME!!) sequel The Girl Who Played With Fire.  It is The Empire Strikes Back to Tattoo‘s Star Wars, for many reasons, and most that we can’t talk about, but none involve lightsabers!!!!  Plus this new one has this dude named Micke Spreitz playing the Swedish version of Jaws from James Bond and he will not be stopped!!!  And even though Michael Nyqvist make us want to take Nyquil-vist, we still love him and root for him and wants him to bag the mosquitoed-chested Lisbeth over and over!!  Cause if he has a chance with her, we all do!!!  Can’t wait for the Hornet’s Nest!!!!!!!!  And then (no, not Zardoz) to see Fincher’s take on Stieg Larsson‘s matz!!!!

A Girl‘s Girl:  she may not have a fire… crotch, but our girl plays with the radiant Yasmine Garbi!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Jean-Michel Basquiat:
The Radiant Child
Not The SAMO© Shiz
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Jean-Michel Basquiat was an artist.  You may have heard of him.  Julian Schnabel made his brilliant directorial debut with a film about him called… Basquiat.  Mike D’s wife and Billy Madison director Tamra Davis was friends with Jean-Michel.  She filmed him doing his art and once interviewed him talking about stuff AND things.  This interview sat untouched in her drawer for 20 years.  Cut to NOW!  And now she felt the time was right to make a doc about him, including this footage.  This doc is purty straightforward, but purty darn good, especially if you want to see what Fab Five Freddy looks like without sunglasses!!!! Basquait should not be confused with Bisquik

The SAMO© Shiz: photos of J-MB(and crew)’s early work in graffiti

Verdictgo:  Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Winter’s Bone
Haters of the Lost Ozarks
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Jennifer Lawrence looks like Renee Smellweger, but acts betters than her in Debra Granik‘s Winter’s Bone, which is like Frozen River, but not as good cause most of Winter’s Bone is Lawrence asking the same question (‘you seen my daddy?‘ 32928282 times, and sometimes to the same person twice).  And sorta speaking of Melissa Leo, she could have played every role in Winter’s Bone, cept for maybe John Hawkes‘sszz, but maybe the two should mate and have children that could play white trash peoples to a T for future genetations!

Mad Fly: remember Ozark Air Lines? probably not, unless you ever flew to or outta the STL

Verdictgo: low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

all three flicks are currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Kids Are All Right
Nuclear Family Unties That Bind
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Annette Bening and Julianne Moore have never shared a scene before the cameras rolled on The Kids Are Alright, but by the magic and ease (and unease) in which the two exude and put on display, as the dual dueling matriarchs of an otherwise purty conventional family with the usual midlife trappings, one would think that this is their 66th time around the block together.  Of course it would feel that way!  They are two of acting’s best, and they are as graceful as they are beautiful (which has nothing to do with anything, but it muss be said), and we’d want them to be our moms too, and even though a few brief J-Moore boob flashes are about as Mulholland Drive as it gets here, there’s little to be disappointed about in what is one of this summer’s few bright spots (although David Mamet’s daughter, with a bit part, is to acting as Yakov Smirnoff is to funny)

Credit writer/director Lisa Cholodenko (and her co-writer Stuart Blumberg), who’s a natural at making movies about natural women.  For those who have seen her Laurel Canyon or High Art, Kids is more of the same… same tough as nails lady awesomeness!!  But this isn’t only about two carpet munchers (or baggers!), cause there are kids involved! (Mia Wasikowska, who may be the future heir to Bening and Moore, and low-key, but way key Josh Hutcherson) and the gals’ anonymous sperm donor (Mark Ruffalo)!!  When the fam foursome are reunited with man who really has nothing to do with em, cept for providing his jizzy-jazz, all heaven and hell breaks loose, and instead of being a bunch of scripted and predictable hooey, it plays out as organically as the food being served on screen.  For once, the audience is served!  Bon Appétit!!

Yaya, Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out!: we’re gaga for Yaya DaCosta, and her slammin body (you get to see it in Alright, and it’s more than alright)

[more Esquire pics]

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Kids are more than alright today  in NY/LA/CHI & SF and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…