Stoker 
Bram Flakey
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 98 min

Korean director Chan-wook Park has given in and giving filmmaking the ole Hollywood try.  The Oldboy (not Old Joy) dynamo (or so we hear, since we’ve never seen one of his movies) takes a script by Wentworth Miller (yes, that Wentworth Miller) and hands in something that’s notable, but not really that noteworthy.  What does that mean?  Zero idea, but we also kinda sorta have zero idea what to make of the result – Stoker

Stoker is about a mother (Nicole Kidman) and a daughter (Mia Wasikowska) trying to move on after their hubby/daddy (Dermot Mulroney) dies in a mysterious car accident.  Out of nowhere comes his dashing brother (Matthew Goode), who’s more into flirting than grieving.  He has eyes & designs on both ladies (the mother’s game, the daughter’s glum), and a wide perma-smile that spells something fishy.  So what happens?  Moody moodness, lovely cinematography and editing, some pop-ins from Alden Ehrenreich and Jacki Weaver, and not much else.  There’s a reveal towards the end, but it’s not too revealing, and then some stuff happens, and then something else happens, which doesn’t seem to jive with anything, and then the movie ends, and I was like, whaaat?  And then I was like OK, well, whatever, nevermind

Silver Linings Playbook
Bipolar Opposites Attract
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

David O Russell‘s Silver Linings Playbook is a great great great American film.  It’s like American Beauty but less pretentious and more American.  It’s like David O’s own The Fighter, but more fun and funnier.  Not even Jennifer Lawrence‘s dour sourpuss stizz can halt its amazingness.  She, for the first time in our eyes, hands in an actual performance that isn’t a total snoozefest, and its incredible!  IT’S TRUE!!!!  Chris Tucker isn’t even the most annoying thing in the film.  What is?  NOTHING, cause if you pair Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro in a movie, it’s obviously going to be something worth seeing.  OK, so it has only happened twice – first, with the crizzazzy Limitless & now with Playbook (the time where pre-fame Coops asked De Niro a question on Inside The Actor’s Studio doesn’t count), but still, Cooper/De Niro in 2016!!!!

So what is the Silver Linings Playbook? Bradley Coops is a bipolar man that has just returned home after an extended stay at a mental facility, who wants nothing more than his wife & previous life back, but that aint happening anytime soon, even if he’s under the delusion that it is.  In order to get better, Coops wants to see the silver lining in everything… AND USE IT AS HIS PLAYBOOK!  He gets help and support from his parents, De Niro & Jacki Weaver (she, the tuff & ruff & gruff Aussie mum in Animal Kingdom), even if he may have inherited his crazy from them.  Weaver doesn’t have that much to do besides bake & hug, but her smile is a comfort every time it is shown.  De Niro on the otherhand, is actually acting, as a character who lives & breathes, instead of juss showing up for a paycheck.  He is fantabolous, especially when he gets all itchy about his beloved Philadelphia Eagles, gambling & good luck charms.  DON’T YOU DARE MESS WITH HIS JUJU!!!!!

And while Coops also gets solid support from folks like Anupam Kher, John Ortiz, Shea Whigham & Julia Stiles, he finds the most help from a kindred battered spirit in the form of Katniss Everdeen J-Law.  Her husband recently died, and she too wants to put her life back together.  This movie is really about Coops and J-Law moving forward in life, together, even if they seem like two ingredients in a recipe for disaster.  While the outcome may be a tad predictable, and a bit more dancy than Hugh, the journey is so dang earnest and honest and awesome that it actually pays to discover something so undiscoverious.  That isn’t a word, but this movie is so great that it’s forcing us to make up words.  We hope this wins lots of awards.  We hope you do too

summary of all fears – there’s a movie that Jennifer Lawrence is in that we don’t hate and/or hate her in it, which automatically makes it a MUSS MUSS MUSS SEEEEE!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Silver Linings is gold in limited release this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Amy Adams

Helena Bonham Carter

Melissa Leo

Hailee Steinfeld

Jacki Weaver

breast of luck ladies!!!

Animal Kingdom
Broken Silence On The Lam
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Something is afoot in down under cinema, and it’s all on solid ground… solid ground that’s TOTALLYYY AWESOMES!!!!  If you saw The Square, you’re already on this right track, and when you see (WHICH YOU WILL DOGNAMMI!!!) David Michôd‘s brilliant debut, Animal Kingdom, you’ll be on the fast track to this new era of Ozploitation (do yerself a flavor and rent the doc Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! about the old era).  ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!

So what’s it all about Aussie Mega shampoo? A family of thieves (Ben Mendelsohn, Joel Edgerton, Luke Ford & Sullivan Stapleton) and their tough as nine inched nailed mum (Jacki Weaver), with the grossest mother-son kisses around, are keeping a low profile as the fuzz (Guy Pearce!!!!) are hot on their tail.  Then their bashful cousin (James Frecheville) comes to live with em, after his mum dies, and shiz gets foreal as he gets in the way!!!!!  Cops are gunned down, family members are too, and many webs be weaved before we find out who will be the last man standing when the dust settles.  Yep, simple stuff, but it’s 109% tight tension that no knife could ever cut!  ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Throw This Barbie On Our Shrimp: Jacinta Stapleton wasn’t in the movie, but she did attend the premiere to support her bro Sully, and she’s wikkkkid hotttttttttt mate!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Animal Kingdom is king of the jungle and the limited release movie theaters it’s playing in

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…