The Twilight Drearies
04. Feb, 2016 
1 Comment
The Revenant
Useless S. Grunt
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
RÂ | 156 min
How do you like your Leonardo DiCaprio?
Bearded?
Frozen?
Speaking in Injun talk AND in grunts?
Drooling?
Raped?
well, you get ALL these Leos in Alejandro G. Iñárritu‘s latest zero funfest, that’s more endurance test, than enjoyable movie going Â
Yes, welcome to The Revenevavnaveananenanenenananat!!!!!!!!!!!
YES, the backgrounds are beyond beautiful, and the injuns are cool and creepy, and YES, the story is kinda sorta true (which ALWAYS makes a movie instantly more interesting)
but NO to everything else
I mean, the fur trapping and wading in water was kinda cool at the beginning, but that all ends and it pretty much becomes the Tom Hardy is a giant a$$hole show, and you can barely understand what he says, even less than when he was Bane, and he’s being chased by Leo, who is tyring to be less understandable.  So it’s like a revenge pic, an endlessly mumbling one, and you juss keep waiting and waiting for the revenge, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
YES, the beards and snow are wicked cool, but NO thanks to the rest
I mean, I guess if one good thing comes out of the pain and snoring – Leo will finally gets his elusive gold man
Verdictgo: for the scenery only -Â Jeepers Somewhat Worth A Peepers. for the snoozyery, meeeeeeeehh -Â Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers
The Revenant revs its engine and frozen beards at a theater near jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
