The Twilight Drearies

The Revenant
Useless S. Grunt
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 156 min

How do you like your Leonardo DiCaprio?

Bearded?

the revenant

Frozen?

frozen leo

Speaking in Injun talk AND in grunts?

leo grunting

Drooling?

drool leo

Raped?

raped by bear leo

well, you get ALL these Leos in Alejandro G. Iñárritu‘s latest zero funfest, that’s more endurance test, than enjoyable movie going  

Yes, welcome to The Revenevavnaveananenanenenananat!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, the backgrounds are beyond beautiful, and the injuns are cool and creepy, and YES, the story is kinda sorta true (which ALWAYS makes a movie instantly more interesting)

but NO to everything else

I mean, the fur trapping and wading in water was kinda cool at the beginning, but that all ends and it pretty much becomes the Tom Hardy is a giant a$$hole show, and you can barely understand what he says, even less than when he was Bane, and he’s being chased by Leo, who is tyring to be less understandable.  So it’s like a revenge pic, an endlessly mumbling one, and you juss keep waiting and waiting for the revenge, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

YES, the beards and snow are wicked cool, but NO thanks to the rest

I mean, I guess if one good thing comes out of the pain and snoring – Leo will finally gets his elusive gold man

leo oscar

leonardo oscar

oscar leo

Verdictgo: for the scenery only – Jeepers Somewhat Worth A Peepers. for the snoozyery, meeeeeeeehh – Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

The Revenant revs its engine and frozen beards at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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1 Comment

One Response to “The Twilight Drearies”

  1. bearded people are always awesome, Leonardo DiCaprio also looks awesome with beards

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