Thighs Wide Shut

Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Joss Whedon Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon Joss Whedon

and now that that’s outta the way…

The Avengers
Mostly Justice League
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 143 min

Lord Whedon’s Avengers is 2/3rds snoozefest and 1/3rd awakefest.  Luckily the end is the awakefest, but unfortunately it takes 9999ever to get there.  The snoozefest snoozes and loses cause they finally put all these Marvel money making heroes into one place at one time, but then they stay in that one place (some stoopid floating aircraft carrier) for what seems like an eternity… of nothingness.   Literally, nothing happens, unless you count more bad acting by Samuel L Jackson in a blockbuster movie (he seems to do better with real drama than fanboy drama.  see Mace Windex for another bad example)

Then the bad guy (Thor’s gay adopted brother), who’s more lame than bad goes to NY and the Avengers unite even more and like battle like mad like everywhere in like New York.  There’s no drama or anything really at stake, but we do get to see the super hero equivalent of Rampage, and if you’ve played Rampage, you know there’s nothing to it but smashing things, and so while that’s kinda cool to watch, it doesn’t eggzactly make for a super memorable super hero movie.  But someone else is and makes a smash – Hulk!  Finally!  At least in a CGI sense, cause the Ang Lee Hulk was awesome, and if you don’t agree then go watch HBO’s Girls.  But seriouslies, Mark Ruffalo makes an eggsalad Bruce Banner, and his Hulk is f$%king awesome.  Looking more forward to a Ruffaloed Hulk flick than wees is to a 2nd Avengers

You sorta did it Whedon.  not really

Verdictgo: low low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Cabin In The Woods
Pull The Strings
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 95 min

To talk plot points is to give away the fun, and sorta like The Avengers, the real real fun of the Lord Whedon written Cabin In The Woods only exists in the last third, which makes Whedon a wizard at third acts, but he needs to get his act together for the other two acts.  Even though The Avengers and Cabin have about as much in common as we and a vegetarian restaurant do, wees gotta say we enjoyeded Cabin more than we did The Avengers. The Avengers had to deliver the goods, and it kinda sorta doesn’t, and Cabin doesn’t need to deliver anything,  but it delivers nightmares that won’t give you nightmares, unless you fear unicorns.   What are we even talking about?  Dunno, but Kristen Connolly is wicked adorables!!!!

Verdictgo: high end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Avengers and Cabin are growing Whedons at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

God Bless America
Falling Down Uncomforter
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

Hating modern America is easy.  Putting that hate into scripted words that are read aloud in a movie, not so much.  It worked to dramatic perfection when Michael Douglas stood up while Falling Down, but what if it’s played for laughs, from the mind and hands of Bobcat Goldthwait?  Not a question many are asking, but the answer lies in his 5thish directorial feature, God Bless America

The good news?  America reunites Bobcat with his buddy (and brother of Bill) Joel Murray.  The two shared screen/scream memories in One Crazy Summer, Scrooged, Shakes The Clown (Bob’s first job behind the camera) and some TV movie called Encino Woman, which sounds like something we need to see NOW (not really)!!!  Other good news?  Joel Murray is employed and it’s Bobcat Goldthwait making it happen!  Wait, that’s the same news!  Yeah, but it’s still news!

The bad news?  No matter how cutting or on point Bobcat’s commentary on general American nasty me-ness is (by way of hating on reality TV, news talking heads, and pretty much anything you could think of, including Diablo Cody.  wait, did we write this script??!??!?!), it doesn’t cut very deep on screen, and it doesn’t help that the production values are valued at $5

But wait, there is good news, and it’s not related to Joel Murray being employed.  Joel Murray’s partner in crime-spree (think we forget to mention that Joel gets angry about stuff, and thinks his time on earth is limited, so he decides to go and kill people who he thinks don’t deserve to live, like every asshole on TV) is a teenage girl, and the girl who plays this girl is the most refreshing girl we’ve seen in a movie in a long time that isn’t a Fanning, and her name is Tara Lynne Barr.  She reeks of Anna Faris, but is young enuff to not have crazy strange lips like Anna Faris, which kinda makes her the new Anna Faris until Anna Faris gets her old lips back.  No, but seriously, Lynne Barr is gonna be a star.  We sure hope so.  She has the chops and she shows them in spades and clubs and diamonds and hearts in America, even if this movie doesn’t exactly get our full Blessing.  Sure, it certainly has its moments, but it doesn’t quite add up to anything momentumental.  Still, Lynne Barr is barr-none barrwesome!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

God Bless you (sorta) in limited release tomorrow, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Dutch troops training on the ice, 1940

Winter In he Netherlands (1937-1991)

not related – Have An Ice Day the skating rink and the ice tray

The Beach Boys
Beacon Theatre
May 9th

They do it-ed!  Again!  Just like the song says!  They old, but they no moldy.  They the Beach Boys, the ultimate American band, and if you think otherwise, we’re gonna get the House Un-American Activities Committee to come ittee to your house and make your activities nothing but American!!  Carl & Dennis Wilson are gone and surely missed, but the Boys of Beach didn’t miss a beat.  Sure, they aint those golden haired boys catching waves no more (although Dennis was the only surfer in the band), but these gray haired gentlemen were true to their school and their roots and to their fans and even to John Stamos who made like 2188282 cameos

We had seen Brian twice and the Mike Lovely version of the BBs at Coney two years ago, but not together, WITH AL JARDINE’S FACE, since the 80s, when wees was a child and they seemed to play DC’s 4th of July thing year after year. Now we old(er) and appreciate them more, and happy they put their greedy differences behind them and reunited to tour and roar, and roar they did.  Sure, a lot of the hactual music work is supplied by Brian’s usual and brilliant touring band, with them falsetto spots hit up by long time associate Jeff Foskett, but who cares, as long as a Beach Boys concert sounds like a Beach Boy concert, no?  Well, it did, and it sounded flawless!  Honestly, when all the Boys pass on (which we hope is never), we’d pay to see Brian’s backing band in concert.  They’re already pretty much the greatest Beach Boys cover band going!

They played 44 songs(!!!!!) and outside of ‘Disney Girls’ (it’s fine and all, but the one song you can use to take a pee break during) and ‘Kokomo’ (sure, it blows-a-mo, but we understand why it needs to be included), the tracks they choose were solid choices from a catalog that offers too munch goodness to choose from, and choosy moms choose JIF AND THE BEACH BOYS!!!!

First Set - Do It Again / Catch a Wave / Hawaii / Don’t Back Down / Surfin’ Safari / Surfer Girl / Please Let Me Wonder / You’re So Good to Me / Wendy / Then I Kissed Her / The Little Girl I Once Knew / Why Do Fools Fall in Love (Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers cover) / When I Grow Up (to Be a Man) / Cotton Fields (Lead Belly cover) / Disney Girls / Don’t Worry Baby / Little Honda / Be True to Your School / Little Deuce Coupe / 409 / Shut Down / I Get Around

Second Set - California Dreamin’ (Mamas & the Papas cover) / Sloop John B / Wouldn’t It Be Nice / Forever / Sail On, Sailor / Heroes and Villains / In My Room / All This Is That / This Whole World / I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times / God Only Knows / That’s Why God Made the Radio / California Girls / All Summer Long / Help Me, Rhonda / Rock and Roll Music (Chuck Berry cover) / Do You Wanna Dance? (Bobby Freeman cover) / Barbara Ann (The Regents cover) / Surfin’ USA

Encore  –  Kokomo / Good Vibrations / Fun, Fun, Fun

if you have ears and eyes, it is your American civic/cervix duty to see these Boys on tour this summer