Thighs Wide Shut

BlacKkKlansman
Spike-d Punch
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 135 min

A black cop and Jewish cop go undercover as a single white minority-hating male to infiltrate a Colorado chapter of the Klu Klux Klan – and even trick former Grand Wizard and still current a$$hole David Duke into thinking they’re believers.  What a story!  And a true one, as told in entertaining fashion as BlacKkKlansman by the once relevant, then once kinda irrelevant, and now with this movie very relevant Spike Lee!

Ron Stallworth was a real black cop, who really duped the Klan, but a lot of what the movie presents is fiction to pulp up the storytelling.  The activist girlfriend and explosive racial throwdown towards the end?  Made up.  The Jewish guy who played the physical manifestation (who appeared to do most of the actual leg work) of the mouthpiece that Stallworth first presented to the Klan on the phone?  He may not even been Jewish in reality, but I see where Spike is going here with all the embellishment – doubling down on the ‘all power to all people’ to brush back against those seeking only bigotry thry white power – yesterday, today and forever.  But did he have to hammer the message so hard?

We spend about 2 hours enjoying the lighthearted and fun (that’s how it truly felt) tale of Stallworth (John David Washington, who doesn’t really give the character any depth beyond the giant prop afro) and his Jewish partner (Adam Driver, who is not Jewish) + Steve Buscemi’s brother Michael getting cozy with a bunch of actors who are allowed free reign to say a lot of nasty nasty NASTY things about blacks and Jews onscreen (Jasper Pääkkönen – whose performance stands above everyone else’s, and whose umlauts know no bounds + Paul Walter Hauser, who after this and I, Tonya, should just be cast in every movie).  They thwarted and embarrassed the Klan, and everyone in the police department (and the audience) had a good laugh about it in the end!

And then?  Spike Lee was probably upset that no one saw Bamboozled and didn’t get the message of how awful our country is on race, and so he had to tack on baiting footage at the end of white nationalists (with David Duke included) wrecking horrible havoc last year in Charlottesville.  Yes, it’s relevant to the movie that proceeded it, but its tone, its message and delivery all feel sloppy and completely unnecessary.  Come to think of it, the beginning of the film, with a clip of Gone With The Wind, followed by some racist nonsense spewed by Alec Baldwin (as a made up character with the very made up name of ‘Kennebrew Beauregard’) is out of place too.  These bookends may seek to bring focus to the bigger picture, both onscreen and off it, but it ends up muddling the movie, and the message

When the end credits started to roll, a gentlemen in the audience yelled – ‘fcuk America!’  And then when I went to the bathroom, a gentleman who obviously saw the same movie was mouthing to himself – ‘fcuking crackers!’, and I knew he wasn’t talking about Saltines

Yes, it’s OK to be upset and enraged, and we all should be, because the KKK suck and no one should spending so much of their time and energy hating other people, but I feel Spike did more harm than good by being so blatant and provocative.  The same message would have come across if the movie stuck to the fun and lighthearted delivery.  It will all only be worth it if the outrage is matched by something more important – getting people to vote to make actual change

Verdictgo: as entertainment - Jeepers Worth A Peepers | as a political statment – Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Klansmane burns crosses and bridges theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

who wore it best?

Topher Grace as David Duke?

or

Garrick Hagon as Biggs Darklighter

extremely rare Bib Fortuna figure with a red cape

[current Bid – $26,000]

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the Kenner prototype never made it into packaging for sale, but red caped Bib Fortuna was used in both catalogs and the card backs for Return of The Jedi figures

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this is what the actual Bib Fortuna figure looked like

READ…and The Force Is With You – Yoda poster by the American Library Association for National Library Week, 1983 [HA]

and two unused alternate versions

[Fro Design Company]

Solo
Sabacc to the Future
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 135 min

I don’t care how many directors it took to screw in the Solo origin story light bulb, but the most important director of them all turned out to be the CASTING director (or whomever at Disney makes the calls – Kathleen Kennedy?).  They NAILED young Han in going with Alden Ehrenreich (I’ve long been a fan).  Could there be a cooler young Lando than Donald Glover is??  NO.  And Joonas Suotamo has already proved his worth in wookie fur for his third screen jaunt as Chewbacca.  And for me, that’s enough to mark Solo down as a success.  I believe in those guys as younger versions of my childhood heroes that I don’t even care about the imperfections of the movie that has no real reason for being other than MONE$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$YYYYYYY!!

So what works besides the dudes we already know and love?

Paul Bettany works.  he’s a human enemy, which is rare for Star Wars, and he’s one of the more intriguing baddies we’ve been given in awhile (human, Muppet, awful CGI).  I’ll take him over Snoke any day.  Gawd fcuking dammit – how awful is Snoke?  And even though Bettany’s Dryden Vos has a dumb name, I also kinda like it!  VOS IS BOS!

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and how bout them sets?  they have that lived-in Star Wars universe look to them.  every film since Jedi is too polished. the prequels especially, but even the other new ones look TOO clean.  Solo gets the dirt and grim right (very Mad Max looking too!), and even the classy joints too.  I LOVE the windows in Vos’ pad.  Coolest far far away galaxy architectural design since Cloud City!

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Woody Harrelson‘s mustache.  I didn’t fully care for his Haymitch Abernathy-like character Tobias Beckett (what kind of a fcuking name is that?  AND WHO IS COMING UP WITH THESE PUTRID NAMES???), but he did teach Han valuable lessons, like if you want to be taken seriously, don’t have a mustache like this, no matter how good it looks on Woody!

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L3-37 – initially, I was like WTF is this sassy Tilda Swinton sounding (actually Phoebe Waller-Bridge‘s voice) droid that wants to jump Lando’s bones?  Also, why do robots want to bang humans?  Humans don’t need to bang droids.  Humans should stick to banging banging hot Cuban holograms, but L3-37 (a name# I had to look up) grows on you, and you can see why Lando may want to jump her bones bolts with his nuts.  Plus she gets a scene with the best cameo of the film (and it’s not the red & black dude with thorns in his head)

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the humor.   it works here the way it didn’t work in The Last Jedi.  Jedis are seriously and have dry humor that they rarely use. Han is a scoundrel and a jokester.  As a young dude, he should be even jokey-er, and they did that.  Jedis, not so much.  Thankfully this movie is Jedi free!!

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THE SPICE MINES OF KESSEL!!  FINALLY, we meet you!  And you did not disappoint, although the above grounds of Kessel were a little more sweet than the mines themselves.  And Sabacc!  The game we all don’t know AND love cause it’s how the M Falcon was won!!!  And now YOU can play Sabacc at home!

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and other stuff worked, but mainly Alden Ehrenreich is the works that works and works and works me over.  Alden Ehrenreich forever!!!  EVEN IF I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REMEMBER HOW TO SAY OR SPELL HIS NAME EVER!!!  Let him play young EVERYBODY.  Young Jack Torrance! Young Bullitt!  Young everyone that isn’t Clint Eastwood, cause he’s got that kid that looks exactly like him!!! 

also, sorry Leo, but Alden for life!

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so what didn’t work? not much didn’t, but…

Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra.  didn’t care for her whatsoever.  her and her giant eyes and tiny frame seemed out of place.  felt like she was acting in a non-Star Wars movie.  sadly they’re setting her character up for future stuff.  The only future I see is that I like her character even less.  I’m already counting down the days when Han gets older, wiser and moves onto princesses #iKnow

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and whatever this guy was.  he sucked.  too much monkey bidness.  bad CGI.  just dumb.  naturally he was voiced by Jon Favererauuu

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Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Solo HANds it to you at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…