Thighs Wide Shut

Get On Up
Soul Brother # Won
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 138 min

I know who James Brown is. Lucky to have seen him in concert, TWICE! Perhaps today’s kids aren’t all up on their Godfather of Soul knowledge – and hence the need for dem to GET ON UP on it, as suggested by the talking head testimonial trailer singing his singing praises, that’s been used more as this biopic’s trailer than its own actual trailer. Well, regardless if you know JB or don’t, your probably won’t learn much about him in Tate Taylor‘s (The Help) lively, but information-free Get On Up

Funk don’t quit, even if the funk is uninformative

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Jersey Boys
Oh What A Blight!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 134 min

There’s nothing more cheesy than the Jersey Boys musical. That is until I encountered the movie version of the musical, directed by the ‘musical’ Clint Eastwood, which reveals JUSS how cheesy the musical is, when you add in close-ups and sets and things and stuff

Oh Gyp DeCarlo. Oh Gyp. Oh Gyp. OH GYP!!!! Who Gyp? He’s some gangster guy played by Christopher Walken, who solves everyone’s problems, like the ‘problems’ the Four Seasons encounter. These problems? That the band’s founder Tommy DeVito is bad with money, and that the guy who plays him – Vincent Piazza – may be bad at acting. Or maybe Tommy DeVito IS an actual walking Italian-Jersey stereotype and Vincent Piazza is playing him perfectly. But who cares, cause the whole thing’s cheesy, so Jimmy, give me a pizza wit NUTTIN

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Verdictgo: both Jeepers Worth A Creepers

The Boys – Get On Up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Lucy
Mindless Over Matter
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

Fcuk Marvel and their brand of summer fun. If I had my pick, I’d let Luc Besson direct all my blockbuster blusters. Feels like 9ever since he directed ANY movie. I actually thought the last movie he directed was The Fifth Element. Apparently he’s directed 9 movies since then, and I saw 3 of them. One of those is his latest – Lucy – and it actually actually actually finally feels like the proper follow-up to Element, and more so to his BLAMMMMMAZIN Leo/The Professional. Sure, over the past decade+ he wrote & produced popcorn fluff like The Transporter & Taken flix, but he didn’t direct them. With Lucy, he directed the living fcuk out of it, and my eyes are thankful for it

While the movie is about the brain, it’s far from cerebral. It isn’t fully dumb, but it’s more dumb fun than it is intellectual property. But you wanna know what? I had more fun watching this summer flick than I did with any superhero and Michael Bay movie of recent memory. FYI – The only Michael Bay movie worth remembering is The Island, another smart dumb fun flick starring ScarJooo. FYI – LUC BESSON IS THE BEST (mostly)!!! PLEASE MAKE MORE WOMEN KICKING ASS STUFF THINGS!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Creepers

Lucy loos at a theater near you

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Magic In The Moonlight
Medium Medium
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 98 min

Woody Allen loves the 20s(/30s). Disclaimer – SO DO I!!! Woody is a man who made his mark making very contemporary movies, but some of his more memorable ones travel back to that time – Purple Rose of Cairo, Sweet & Lowdown (a personal fav), Bullets Over Broadway & sorta Midnight In Paris. His latest – Magic In The Moonlight – transports him and us back to them delovely jazzy-bobbed times, and it may be the Woodman’s weakest entry of the ye olden times lot – but hey, LOOK AT THAT LOT!!!

The scenery is nice in the background (the south of France!) and the foreground – Hamish Linklater, Eileen Atkins, and Simon McBurney (love his voice SO much) add to the mild fun – and it’s a Woody Allen movie, so you probably already know if yer gonna see it or not, magical or not. Abracadab-DUH!

Verdictgo: as a movie movie? Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers, but as a Woody Allen movie? Jeepers Worth A Creepers!

Moonlight shimmys today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jodorowsky’s Dune
MÅ“bius Strip Tease
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 90 min

The greatest movie never made is probably/maybe Jodorowsky’s Dune. Who is Jodorwsky? I’ve never seen a single one of Jodo’s movies, but from the looks and sounds of em – namely El Topo and Holy Mountain – they look and sound beyond batshit crazy, and I need to see them YESTERDAY!! Well apparently Mr Jodorwsky was riding such a creative and critical wave after completing them movies in 70s and that he had carte blanche in choosing his next project, and so he chose the dense & sandy Frank Herbert Dune book(s). Jodorowsky never read the book(s), but that mattered little to this visionary, ready to unleash his vision that would send his audience on a vision quest. All he needed was some ‘warriors’ ready to make a movie of supreme consciousness, which would make its viewers feel like they were on drugs without even taking them (paraphrasing his words). He had the whole thing ready to go – frame by frame storyboards + a creative army to end all creative armies – Salvador Dalí, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, artists HR Giger, Chris Foss and MÅ“bius, effects man Dan O’Bannon + music by Pink Floyd. Yep, THIS WAS GONNA BE THE MOST BANANANANANANAAS PROJECT EVER!!!

As you might have guessed, his Dune was never made (David Lynch later got the dis-honor), for numerous reasons (being 10+ hours probably wouldn’t work in Hollywood), but Frank Pavich‘s fun and frustrated doc relishes the mind in that big ‘what if’ (it got made), and if it did, WHAT THE FCUK!!! Sure, Dali and Orson and others are dead, but Jodo aint, so why not make it now?!??!?!? Jodorowsky’s Dune doesn’t have to stay forever doomed. Even Terry Gilliam hasn’t given up on his Don Quixote

Verdictgo: this is essential viewing – Breast In Show

Jodorwsky’s Dune LIVES on BD/DVD/streaming!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Life Itself
Rule of Thumb
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 115 min

I love me some Roger Ebert [You can read what he meant to me here].  Everyone loved him.  That’s why he got even more popular than ever when he lost his jaw and ability to eat and drink and became a mad blogger and twittererer.  His fighting of cancer and continuing his love of movies made it even easier for us to be a fan and root him on.  And then he left us.  But before he did, someone Ebert championed – Hoop Dreams director Steve James – followed him around in his waning months, to tell his life story, and his death story, with help of Ebert’s memoir, also the title of the film

Ebert deserves a doc about his life.  There’s no denying that.  And James’ one is good enough, but I feel like it only scratches at the surface of what made Ebert Ebert.  It all becomes much clearer, about 1/3 of the way thru, when Gene Siskel enters the picture.  Ebert’s past is colorful stuff  – the Pulitzer win, the Russ Meyer screenplaying, the love of booze and ladies – but what really made Ebert Ebert was his partner Siskel (and you should see his past – staring at boobies at that Playboy Mansion!!!!!).  Without Siskel, this doc would probably not need to exist.  But Siskel left us too early, and his due is long overdue.  He’s a figure equally as important as Ebert is/was, but he didn’t get his final say – as he choose to hide his sickness, where Ebert didn’t

I cannot fault Life Itself as itself, but I just wish the focus was wholly equal – where each thumb’s owner got their diligence dued, dude.  Two thumbs are better than one, but one is still better than none.  Now we have zero thumbs.  But…

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Life lives in limited release AND on demand!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…