The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Not Not Another Teen Movie
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 102 min

So there’s this known 1999 book by Stephen Chbosky called The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  He didn’t think anyone could do movie justice to it, so he made the dang movie himself.  HOW FCUKING AWESOME (and risky) IS THAT!??!?!?!?!  Others authors have done such a thing before, but none of them have hit the mark quite like SC does with his own book turned movie.  Why?  Cause this movie gets high school and high schoolers and the lows and highs of being a high schooler in high school 101% correctamundo.  If you’ve ever attended a high school, you should see this movie and you will see something of yourself in it, whether you were the jock, the joke, the pretty girl, the ugly girl (all boys are ugly), the dork, the geek, the misfit or any other stereotype we didn’t think of!  It’s true!  This movie is an adolescent treasure in the vein of John Hughes type stuffs!!!  And there’s not many recent teen movies you could say such things of!  Sure, Mean Girls was thighlarious, but it was too unrealistic, and the incredible doc American Teen was juss tooooo real, fo reals, yo, even though the poster ate its BREAKFAST in a CLUB!

Logan Lerman is our title wallflower and he’s so awkward that flowers and walls stay away from him!  He’s going thru a lot of sh!t, but luckily he lands into the laps of new friends Ezra Miller & Emma Watson, who help move him away from the wall, and let his flower bloom, which they do by teaching him about cool music and let him try drugs and girls and fun!  And there’s also Mae Whitman, who’s great, cause she is.  And then there’s the wallflower’s sister Nina Dobrev, who’s so hot that incest would be allowed, but it’s not that kinda of a movie, and that’s OK.  Even Paul Rudd‘s in this movie, in a minor, BUT important role, as a teacher who encourages reading!!  And there are other people in this movie and they are great, CAUSE THIS IS WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS/WAS LIKE!!!  Cause believe it or snot, we were once a teeny bit of a wallflower teen, but then we found best friends and had the best times and then we all went our own separate ways for college, and stuff, and things, but high school memories WILL NEVER DIE!!!!!!!  like Goonies!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Wallflower BLOOMS at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Sessions
The Oy’s of Sex
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 95 min

Mark O’Brien was a real person.  He was a poet who had polio, so he didn’t get around much, but he still lived a full life, with words & wonderful people around him.  So much so that he’s been the subject of two films – one, an Academy Award winning documentary short about him & his work & his struggles [WATCH!] & the other, a new fictionalish flick about ending his virginity!  Sounds stupid & cheesy, but this new one screams Oscar (nominations, at least), but it screams it in a good way that’s neither stupid or cheesy!

Ben Lewin‘s The Sessions is a perfect film because there’s not a single thing wrong with it, cept that it may bring you to tears, cause it brought us to tears, cause we’re secretly a giant wuss.  John Hawkes plays Mark and he’s fantastic, and Helen Hunt plays the woman who helps Mark/John learn how to have sex and actually have sex (she’s not a prostitute cause she’s a sex surrogate), and she gets plenty nekkid and is also fantastic (beyond the old lady looking real fine nekkid bits), and then there’s William H. Macy as Mark/John’s friendly priest, who is friendly and pretty fantastic.  Oh, and Moon Bloodgood is in it too, and they try to make her ugly, BUT IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

The trailer to this film was awful.  The film was the opposite of awful.  SEE THISSSSSSSSS YOU ABLE-BODIED JERKS!!!!!!!  It will warm you heart.  And if it doesn’t, you either don’t have a heart, or are too busy being warmed elsewhere in your body by the sight of nekkid ole Helen Huntress hotness

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

The Sessions takes note in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Robot & Frank
Does Compute
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 90 min

Frank (Frank Langella) is a lonely man, left to his own devices, which includes sitting around reading books, and eating crappy food, and having his memory slip by the day.  His children (all bidness James Marsden and earth-toned Liv Tyler) are concerned, so the son drops off a robot helper (installed with Peter Sarsgaard‘s voice!) to whip Frank into shape, keep him sharp, and busy, or it’s off to the old folks home.  Frank aint having it, but this wouldn’t be a movie if he was ‘having it’, but maybe the two can eventually co-exist, even though Robot doesn’t really exist, and maybe they can even become friends!!!!! Man and robot?  Friends??????  MAYBE!!!

Frank does sorta have a sorta friend - Susan Sarandon, who works at the archaic library, and it’s archaic cause it’s the near future and the printed word has become passé, kinda like Frank!  Frank has plenty o’ enemies, like forgetting things, and his kids who won’t let him forget that, and sometimes the Robot, and also progress, like the peoples who want to re-purpose the library into something new and hip and without books!  The face of this progress is a jerky bespectacled young man (Jeremy Strong), and Frank likes him less than he likes having the Robot make him a healthy meal

While Frank starts to get used to the Robot and the help he provides, the Robot turns out to be even more helpful in an entirely different way.  Ya see, Frank is a seasoned cat burglar, but obviously not in mid-season form anymore, but the Robot aint got no rust or dust, so maybe the Robot can help Frank pull off some heists that will stick it to the man!!!!  Yep, this is a movie about some old thief dude who gets a robot to help him rob houses, but it’s also one that’s so sweet (but not too sweet), and so savory (Langella is ammmmmazings)

I love the Robot.  I love Frank.  Pair the obedient bucket of bolts with the crodgity ole man and you have a movie that I juss love love love.  It’s nothing super complex, but it’s simply juss a wonderful film to watch, from start to finish.  You did it Jake Schreier & Christopher D Ford!  Is this the greatest robot movie ever?  No (A.I.?).  Is it the greatest Frank movie ever?  No (Frankenstein?).  Is it the greatest Robot AND Frank movie ever?  YES!!!!!!!!

Robot & Robot: check out Behind the Robots in Robot & Frank, which drops such hot info like how the robot was designed by the same folks who made Daft Punk’s LED helmets, and that there’s actually a person inside the robot – Rachael Ma!!!!!!!!!  we want one, NOW!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Frank does the Robot in NY only today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

when Terrence Malick meets Push: Based On The Novel By Sapphire meets Where The Wild Things Are meets cat food étouffée, it equals…

Beasts of The Southern Wild
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 93 min

see this, and believe in movie magic, again!!!!!!!!

Quvenzhané Wallis is udderly blind-mowing.  Her debut performance is the best we’ve seen since Thomas Turgoose goosed it up in This Is England. Heck, her performance instantly enters her in the child movie performance hall of fame (right alongside lasses like Portman/Tatum/Manz/Fanning(s)), and into the Oscar race, and if she’s left out, then the OSCARS CAN BLOW ME MORE THAN THEY ALREADY NEED TO!!

Oh, and Dwight Henry is amazingsz too, and so is everyone else, and so is this movie, even if it’s like watching a dream nightmare étouffée, with lots of rhyme and lots of reason, whatever that means

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Beasts run Wild in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Step Up Revolution
The Revolution Will Be Danceivised
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 99 min

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE, THEY TOTALLY STEPPED IT UP, IN MIAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They danced, cause they were The Mob, and The Mob are like dancers with a positive message and mission, cept they really should be locked up cause they often break laws, like the law of BEING AWESOME AT DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s true

So what’s the story of Step Up 4 (in muss see 3-D)?  Does it really matter?  No.  The only thingsz that matter is that there’s awesome dancing and that our lead dancers are hot.  Well, MISSION ACCOMPLISCLICIOUS!!!!!!  (but for those who care about such things, the story is about finding a purpose for dancing, and that purporse is to save a neighborhood from Peter Gallagher‘s eyebrows!!!!!)

There was DANCING!!!!  OH BOY WAS THERE.  Dancing in the streets, on the beach, in a restaurant, at a board meeting, in a lobby, in a Cuban bar, at a swanky reception, in a dance studio, at a shipping dock, and in our hearts!!!!

And our two leads - Ryan Guzman and Kathryn McCormick – were hottttttttttttttttt AND wet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THERE WAS A CAMEO BY MOOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! [SPOILER ALERT!!]

And if you hate dancing and hot people, well, you really need to examine what’s wrong with your life and tastes

Verdictgo: not really, but Breast In Show

Step Up ups the ante, not really, but sorta, at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…