ZZ Top
& Lynyrd Skynyrd
Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
Maryland Heights, Missouri
September 15

Dude, for $12 me & BJNewms got to hear barely Lynyrydydyd Skykynarydydd (only one original member left) play ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ & ‘Freebird’ + hear Zed Zed Top play all their slutty hits (that ALL sound eggzactly the same – brrrraaa brrabbaaaa baaaa baa, wwwwwwweeeuuuu waaaaa waaaaeuuuah!) and you know what, it totally made us want to grow gigant-o beards and become a sharp dress mans and hump legs and tush!!

speaking of tush…

Eva Tushgoria by Jork!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah, got our money’s worth, but was disappointed that they didn’t spin their guitars, do that ‘dance’ thing with the hands, drive a roadster or hand off the keys to one, lets sluts be slutty on stage, and more importanterly – they didn’t play their ‘hit’ song from BTTFIII – ‘Doublecrap’

btw – the American Empire began the crumble the moment we let ‘Tush’ become a big thing

House at The End of The Street
Dead End On Arrival
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 101 min

There’s a house in this movie, but its actual location on its street is never EVER determined. It could be at the beginning of the street or even in the MIDDLE of the street, but it is never ever noted that the house is actually located at the end of the street.  So why bother naming your movie House at The End of The Street?  Guess Generic Sorta Horror Movie X was juss not catchy enuff.  Having a poorly used title is one thing, but being a poor movie in general is another

OK, so the house did have some murders in it, which we see in the very first scene, but they are about as creepy as the bleeps and the sweeps were in Spaceballs… which means they are not creepy at all.  The presentation of these murders was purty darns silly, and it sets the tone for everything else from there on out – laffable

You will laff at the kid (Max Thieriot) who still lives in the house that his parents were murdered in, and who keeps his sister (the murderer?????????????????????????????) locked in the basement, and who doesn’t do such a good job at keeping her locked in the basement, cause she’s always getting out and running in the woods and screaming and stuff.  And you will laff at his budding romance with his new neighbor Jennifer Lawrence, who sings laffable love ballads for zero reason other than to maybe launch a blah singing career to add to her blah acting career.  We wouldn’t dare laff at J-Law’s hot MILF Elisabeth Shue, cause we’re actually crying at her, cause she deserves better than this, like more adventures in babysitting or having MORE liquor being poured on her boobs [NSFW]

Anywho, stuff happens, but so does sh!t, and the twists that come our way are about as shocking as Jeremy Shockey doing something douchey, and when your movie is about as shocking as Jeremy Shockey doing something douchey, it means your movie is pretty f$%king stoopid

Street Treat: we want to eat off Allie MacDonald‘s dollar menu!!

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Street has no outlet today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Premium Rush
Padded Lock
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 91 min

Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Gordon-Joseph rides bikes, and delivers packages.  One package has to be delivered or some Chinese kid in China will not be able to go on a boat.  Standing in JGLGJ’s way is Michael Shannon‘s strange face and strange talking, and some other crap, like stuff, and things, like this movie.  WHY DIDN’T HE TAKE HIS BIKE AND RUN OVER DANIA RAMIREZ’ ACTING CAREER?!?!?!?!?!?  Dunno, but at least the movie was New York real enuff to spotlight the zany ass street that is Doyers Street in Chinatown!!!

Oh, and this girl‘s eyes wins the prize for best EYES in a Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Gordon-Joseph movie of 2012

The Possession
The Exor-shvitz
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 92 min

So there’s a real life story about an evil Jewish box with a Dybbuk in it that does weird shith to anyone who’s around it.  Watch this thing here for more on that box!!!  An evil Jewish box that does stuff sounds like it would make for a great movie, no?  Especially if you toss in Javier Bardem’s twin brother AND Matisyahu AND Kevin Bacon’s wife to balance out the kosherness AND two girls who are pretty dang good at actings, right????????  Well, it makes for an OK movie (they don’t even follow the real story at all).  It’s not stoopid horror-ibile crap on a stick, but it’s not The Exorcist neither, but we love Javier Bardem’s twin brother SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that we’d watch anything with him in it, even if most of his movies are whatevzzzz, BUT WHEN IS BARDEM MORGAN JAVIER GEOFFFERY GOING TO BE ONE?!?!??!?!?

Verdictgo: both be Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

both flicks are currently playing at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

NFL Seer

Moon Unit

Browns Frowns

That Huge Smiling Black Guy

+

lyrical gangster

Mag sister

he stuck his hand up Count’s butt

he LAPPED it up

burning monk capturerer

thIgh-MAX co-inventorer

EbertS (not to be confused with Thighsbart)

he went SOUTH

he was snappy

he was a Fonzi

Dobie brother

some Duke guy who probably sucks cause he went to Duke

some British entertainer guy

&

THE PREACHER FROM TRUE STORIES & PRINCIPAL FROM HEATHERS!!!

HEATHERS PRINCIPAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Compliance
Fries & Thighs
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

There was a real thingie going on called strip search prank call scams. That shiz was pretty fcuked up.  Craig Zobel turned one of the scams into a movie, and it’s pretty dangs good, but moist importantly…

it put Dreama Walker in an apron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

with nothing else on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and it wasn’t suppose to be hot

but it was

cause there was sideboobs in aprons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

comply with Compliance, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…