Javier Dean Morgan & Jeffrey Bardem
20. Sep, 2012 
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Premium Rush
Padded Lock
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 91 min
Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Gordon-Joseph rides bikes, and delivers packages.  One package has to be delivered or some Chinese kid in China will not be able to go on a boat.  Standing in JGLGJ’s way is Michael Shannon‘s strange face and strange talking, and some other crap, like stuff, and things, like this movie.  WHY DIDN’T HE TAKE HIS BIKE AND RUN OVER DANIA RAMIREZ’ ACTING CAREER?!?!?!?!?!?  Dunno, but at least the movie was New York real enuff to spotlight the zany ass street that is Doyers Street in Chinatown!!!
Oh, and this girl‘s eyes wins the prize for best EYES in a Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Gordon-Joseph movie of 2012
The Possession
The Exor-shvitz
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 92 min
So there’s a real life story about an evil Jewish box with a Dybbuk in it that does weird shith to anyone who’s around it.  Watch this thing here for more on that box!!! An evil Jewish box that does stuff sounds like it would make for a great movie, no?  Especially if you toss in Javier Bardem’s twin brother AND Matisyahu AND Kevin Bacon’s wife to balance out the kosherness AND two girls who are pretty dang good at actings, right????????  Well, it makes for an OK movie (they don’t even follow the real story at all).  It’s not stoopid horror-ibile crap on a stick, but it’s not The Exorcist neither, but we love Javier Bardem’s twin brother SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that we’d watch anything with him in it, even if most of his movies are whatevzzzz, BUT WHEN IS BARDEM MORGAN JAVIER GEOFFFERY GOING TO BE ONE?!?!??!?!?
Verdictgo: both be Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
both flicks are currently playing at a theater near jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
