[top via ColaBros]

underneath all that goo are smile of the top winners in pie eating contest. Patrolman Joe Hale backs up Claudia Deats, 12, of 2745 Zenobia Street, Frank Diaz, 10, of 1162 26th Street, champion, and John Aoyagi, 12, of 2203 Lawrence. Denver Post, May 13, 1954

–

not related – Pies Wide Open & Pies Wide Shut

Fading Gigolo
Fade To Blah
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

Apparently actor John Turturro fancies himself a writer and a director.  More like fantasies, as in, YOU WISH PAL, cause if his Fading Gigolo is any proof of his writing and directing skills, his proof in his pudding has zero taste

I like the idea of Woody Allen playing a hapless rookie pimp, but that idea is basically wasted in the movie’s actuality, as he guides Turturro’s blah blank character in-between the legs of Sharon Stone and Sofía Vergara.  Sure, there’s some interesting stuff going on between Woody and Turt and a lonely Hasidic widow, played by Vanessa Paradis, but it’s about touch, and not at all touching

This movie is basically a failed attempt at being a movie, and this review is a failed attempt at reviewing a movie that doesn’t really even need to be reviewed, or seen.  It’s only for Woody Allen acting completists.  For everyone else, it’s a complete waste of time

Verdictgo: Very Very Very Very Very Little Merit and No Stinkin Badges

Gigolo is low hanging unsweet fruit, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

dog bless The Ameri☭ns

for two things…

one, fo keeping it DC 80s real with the Jhoon Rhee ref

and two…

THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

look, if FX is gonna show Keri Russell’s butt on TV, we can show it here too!!!

BUTTTTTTTSKI!!!!!!

The Double
Double Unstandard
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 93 min

How do you like your Jesse Eisenberg – nebbish, dweeby and overly nervous (The Squid and The Whale), or cocky, bullish, and totally in charge (The Social Network)?  Why choose when you can have BOTH in Richard Ayoade‘s crazed second feature - The Double, based on Fyodor Dostoevsky‘s second novel of the same name, with a script co written by Harmony Korine’s brother Avi

We first meet the lesser Eisenberg - Simon James – a 1984ish worker drone, stuck in a rut.  Barely noticed or appreciated, he goes through life hoping for more – to climb the corporate ladder, and to climb into the heart of fellow co-worker and neighbor Mia Wasikowska.  Everything changes when a look-a-like, James Simon – also Eisenberg, starts work at his company, and fulfills his dreams… for himself.  The new brash Eisenberg does what the shy old Eisenberg can’t – he becomes the apple of the boss (Wallace Shawn)’s eye, and the orange of Wasikowska’s heart.  So much for dreams, as this is a total nightmare!!

A nightmare indeed, but Ayoade keeps the dark material as light as he can, and makes it as fun as he can too.  The same was true of his mostly brilliant debut Submarine, and with these two films in the bag, Ayoade has made himself a director to be watched, and to be greatly admired.  Submarine was very Rushmore-y, and I was curious if his follow-up would be more of the same, the way that every Wes Anderson movie is more of the same (but not in a good way).  The Double is not more of the same, it’s a leap from Submarine, in both style and substance, but equally mostly brilliant, and we can’t wait to see where his next leap takes us

Obviously Ayoade has fans on the inside too, as such killer actors as Sally Hawkins, Noah Taylor, James Fox, Paddy Considine, Cathy Moriarty, Craig Roberts, Rade Serbedzija and Yasmin Paige signed up for Double duty in the teeniest tiniest of roles.  Oh yeah, I forgot to include Chris O’Dowd on that list, but he’s not a killer actor.  He’s annoying and unfunny.  He’s like an Irish Seth Rogen

Anywho, Ayoade ALL THE DAYS!!!!!!

Verdictgo: basically Breast In Show

The Double is up, not down today in limited release AND on-demand!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…