Luc, You’re Our Only Hope

28. Jul, 2017 1 Comment

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Luc’s Skywalking, And Everyone Else Is Sleepwalking
Official SiteÂ | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

After seeingÂ Luc Besson‘s super funÂ Lucy, I declared that I wanted him to ‘direct all my blockbuster blusters‘. Â My wish was beyond granted in hisÂ Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, where imagination knows no bounds, and awe and awesome is around every corner!!! Â

Sadly, others don’t seem to agree with my sediments, and the audiences have spurned it as well. Â This wholly creative cinematic force will die a quick death in theaters, and with that, any hope of a sequel, or the chance of big studios taking other chances on chancy material that isn’t a known commodity. Â Well that sucks! Â Damn you people!!! Â Didn’t you see The 5th Element? Â Do you not want more of THAT same, but with a fcuking dope 21st century digital landscape that makes George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels look like Pong???

Do you not want to see a movie that has RihannaÂ doing this (AND MORE)???

Are these slick-a$$ robots not slick-a$$ enuff for ye???

Do you not want to takeÂ your favorite memories of Avatar, A.I., Mad Max, Mos Eisley, The Neverending Story, Moulin Rouge and ContactÂ and have them rolled up into one stellar movie roller coaster that’s beyond well worth the ride?

OK, so they maybe could have found a betterÂ Valerian thanÂ Dane DeHaan, but he was fine. Â And I’m not usually a fan of smelling-a-bad-fart-facedÂ Cara Delevingne, but here, as Val’s girl Friday – Laureline, she’s a woman with more depth and rockitude than anythingÂ Wonder Woman womanized! Â

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT? Â YOU DON’T WANT THIS, AND INSTEAD YOU WANT CRAP??? Â WELL, YOU WILL KEEP GETTING CRAP!!!! Â Hollywood will continue to make the garbage that you so rightfully deserve

I believe, and sincerely hope that time will be kind to Besson’s Valerian. Â Today’s box office ‘bomb’ will one day turn into a cult classic that we’ll be talking about well beyond the 28th century. Â Beam me up, and boo on you haters!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Valerian Â soars at a theater near jews and white nationalists (but hurry – shiz is gonna leave theaters ASAP!!)

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…