Tag Archives: Denzel Washington

Estimated Time of Survival

Flight
Insane In The Deplane
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 138 min

Flight is two things -

1) an incredible, in-tense thrill ride of endless anxiety, while we watch a plane take off in bad weather, and then wait and wait for this plane to inevitably crash, and guess what, crash it does!  Think this took up about a third of the movie, and was hactually more powerful bad plane stuff than all of United 93

2) a cautionary tale of alcoholism & lies, that takes up the rest of the movie.  Have you ever seen a movie about alcoholism & lies???  What about one with a crazy plane crash!?!??!

Denzel Washington is amazing in all parts, but it’s not much fun watching him relapse into a pathetic stupor, again & again, and then rooting for his flawed-self to succeed in a court case, where he really shouldn’t succeed, but don’t worry kids, it ends like it logically should, but well, whatever

Kinda wish this movie was juss a movie where Denzel pilots 392939 planes that are about to crash, but they don’t cause he’s Denzel, and even if he’s drunk and coked-up Denzel, he can do it, cause he’s Denzel!!!!  DENZEL SUPERHERO > Denzel super-zero!

Robert Zemeckis‘ Flight is basically Smashed, but with a much larger budget & cast (Bruce GreenwoodJohn GoodmanDon Cheadle!), and instead of a fake pregnancy plaguing our protagonist’s drinking life, it’s faking being a sober pilot.  Both films are dang good, but we’d actually recommend Smashed over Flight, even if Smashed has zero mammoth plane crashes!!

oh, and whoever compiled the soundtrack should be shot

oh, and the next filmmaker who puts ‘Gimmie Shelter’ in their movie will get shot

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers 

Flight is lifting off at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Chapter Lips

The Book of Eli
Better Deso-Late Than Never?
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

The sky has fallen, and so has civilization. A man takes to the road, heading anywhere but here, in search of kind man mankind, while also being one of the sole preservers of it. Stop us if you’ve heard this one before. Hactually don’t, cause you have, moist recently with the munch better Viggo Mortensen traveled Road, but that didn’t stop The Hughes Bros from heading down the same beaten path with their Book of Eli, a flick more concerned with knife-wielding gunplay, than exploring humanity in inhumane circumstances. The smarter ones of this genre usually try to go there, but that doesn’t mean for a second that the Hughes’ Sergio Leone tinged Children of Men knock-off (the rowboat scene made us cringe with déjà vu) aint entertaining & purty to look it, cause tis is, it’s juss not as deep as it’s necessarily trying to dig. Can you dig?

The man on the westward walk be Denzel Washington (nice to see him at work with the Bros), and nothing will stand in his way, not even an overly hammy Gary Oldman, channeling his Léon: The Professional jerkassedness persona or a slightly out of place Mila Kunis, to wherever he’s going and why he’s headed there. The motives (and result) we aint allowed to divulge, but you can probably guess that it has something to do with a book (and not juss any book!), Eli, and the the. When Eli reveals its reveal, it turns out to be about as shocking as Heidi Montag’s daily plastic surgery itinerary. A repeated viewing with the prior knowledge of said reveal won’t likely produce any dividends (like it did with The Village, which went from Village idiocy to a Village Pantry, overstocked with deliciousness), and that’s a true testament of how half-baked this Book of revelations reads

A Ray of Hope: we’re huge fans of the huge Ray Stevenson (he plays one of Oldman’s right-hand men), and yous probably are too if you ever saw HBO’s brilliant, but canceled Rome. well there’s good news out there that apparently even we somehow missed… a Rome MOVIE is in the werks!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Eli opens today at a theater near jews, where the not so gr8, but not as awful as everyone’s making it out to be Lovely Bones finally rolls out

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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