Thighs Wide Shut

Another Year
Another Mike Leigh Gem
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Think we’ll have to keep reusing what we said in the opening paragraph of our Happy Go Lucky review:

When a Mike Leigh film is released, without question, you should go and see it. The man is incapable of bad filmmaking, and if you’ve seen anything he’s made, we’re sure you’ll agree. If the titles Naked, Vera Drake, All or Nothing, Meantime, Topsy-Turvy or Secrets & Lies don’t sound familiar, then you need to familiarize yo-self with them pronto tonto! They all are rich works that explore the banality of everyday (British working class) life, rife with both heartwarming and heartbreaking moments that are so genuine you’ll have a hard time ever forgetting them. The same is mos definitely true with his latest…

…Another Year. Yep, this guy has the golden filmmaking touch (and we’re not juss talking about getting his actors Oscar noms, which does and righfully happen), and he’s doing the fine serious adult themed work that Woody Allen used to do all the time.  If yer looking for hot babes and explosions, look elsewhere, cause his films thrive on words, good and bad ones.  Can you handle that???  You should

And like the Woodman, Leigh continually leans on a marvelously talented group of actors.  In Year he recruits stalwarts Jim Broadbent, Ruth Sheen and Lesley Manville, side players Oliver Maltman and Peter Wight + throwing a big screen bone to the caretaker of Hogwarts (David Bradley).  We don’t even need to bother explaining what characters they people play and what they’re all about cause they’re all so perfect at playing them and being them (Lesley Manville tops them all with her go for broken performance, and in our humble mumble opinion, deserves the Best Actress statuette).  Plus why should we bother, since you should see this without question.  Sure, it may not be the world’s strongest Mike Leigh film, but even an above average Mike Leigh film is still better than 98.23% of the flicks playing in a theater right now.  Hear, hear to another year with Mike Leigh!

It’s A Man-Manville World: Actors Acting – Lesley Manville

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Another helps to close out a great Year in films in NY/LA only on December 29th and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Black Swan
Perfection Has It’s Price
AND THE PRICE IS BEYOND AWESOMESZEZZ!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

In the race for American cinema auteur awesomeness, there’s Darren Aronofsky and Ben Affleck David Fincher, and (although Christopher Nolan’s got skillz) that’s it!!!!!!!  It’s a battle we hope that never ends, as the two continually bring it HARDCORE film after film… with a couple minor, yet very inspired eggceptions.  In Finchy’s case, it’s Benjamin Snoozefest and for DA, it’s his budget-restricted messy mess that is The Fountain.  One sorta miss is nothing compared to the 4 unforgettable dynamite productions under his belt.  His latest, Black Swan is that forth flick and it is nothing short of WOWEE ZOWEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s as manic as Requiem, as mystical as Ï€, and as go for broken as The Wrestler.  Black Swan is essentially the same movie as The Wrestler (ending included????), but with a ♀ doin all the abusing to her body for the profession that owns her life – BALLETING!!!!!

And in the race for the White Swan AND Black Swan dual role in Swan Lake in the duality dualtastic Black Swan are three beautiful ballerina brunettes that no man, woman or child would kick out of bed, even if that bed was made of nails and horse poop: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Winona Ryder.  Hard Ryder is yesterday’s forgotten news (but in our world’s SHE’S EVERYDAY NEWS CAUSE WE LOVE HER MORE THAN WE LOVE FRIED CHICKEN), Porcelain Portman is today’s shaken AND stirred edition, and kool-eyed kool-whipped Kunis is all tomorrow’s party.  Add worn-in faced Barbara Hershey as Natalie’s ‘no wire hangers‘/‘they’re all going to laugh at you‘ mum and vicious Vincent ‘married to Monica Belluci’ Cassel as the ringmaster of this black & white with a splash of red crazytownedness circus, and what you’ve got is the f$%king looniest screen trip we’ve adored and been horrified by since Jacob’s Ladder

Swan also gots crotch grabs, crotch grabbing, groping, Mila Kunis’ eyes, Portman’s toenails, Portman’s fingernails, Portman fingering herself, and some of the fiercest acting performances put to celluloid (will we no longer use that word when shiz all goes 100% digital projection?) in 2010 (Portman will win the Oscar, but wee is totes on team Jarvis, and Cassel deserves to win the Supporting one).  Did we have you had ‘crotch grab’?  You should have been had at ‘Aronofsky’

Toidfact: Darren’s father Abraham Aronofsky has appeared in all 5 of his feature films

We’d Dive For This Swan!!:  normal name, above normal hotness…

Janet Montgomery!!!!  although Janet, explain this!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show times like 83838!!!!

Swan is currently laking its chops in limited release!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The King’s Speech
Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oh-Oh, Here Comes The Stammer
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

You know how the pre-WWII England royalty saga went down, right?  Qwik refresher course: King George V (Michael Gambon, who’s been dying on screen a bunch lately, no?) wasn’t getting any younger or healthier, but luckily he had two dashing heirs to succeed him.  The eldest was King Edward VIII (we keep 5getting how awesomes Guy Pearce is), but he was a reluctant sovereign, cause he was head over heels in love with a twice divorced American woman that went by the name of Wallis Simpson (Eve Best > Jahvid Best).  Ultimately, Edward had to choose between the well worn throne and the well worn her, and amazingly she won out!  GAWD SAVE THE KING!!!!!!!!!  So brother King George VI (Colin Firth, with an Oscar race that’s his to lose?) ascended to where his brother abdicated.  Good fodder for a flick, no?  Yes indeedy-do, but wait, there’s more!!!!!  George the VI (not Warshawski, but Bertie, as he was known to those close to him) had a terrible stutter!!!!!!!!!!  OH NO!!!!!!  Here’s a guy who’s suppose to be the voice of an Empire, and yet he has no voice!!!!  It’s a battle that’s almos bigger than the one about to engulf all of Europe, and then the world!!!

Poor George the VI/Bertie.  He’s the right man for the job, but for the life of him, public and even private speaking is juss not his Matt Forte.  He and his ultra patient wife,  The Queen Mum (Helena Bonham Carter) have tried everything, and yet they haven’t.  Enter Aussie vocal coach Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush, also with an Oscar race that’s his to lose?) and his unorthodox methods!!!  At first, Bertie aint a fan, and actually, at second, third, fourth and fifth he also aints a fan, but eventually, and again and again, is won over by the results that Lionel is able to coax out of him.  Awwww, our heart is pidder-paddering all over again and again at the thought of these two people and actors working in such great harmony to conquer a speech impediment!!!!!

Directer Tom Hooper (The Damned United) and writer David Seidler (a former stutterer himself!) have pieced together something quite marvelously winning with The King’s Speech (despite it’s bland poster).  The film is so darn delightful and delovely that by the end we wanted to give it a giant hug.  But how can one hug a movie????  It’s impossible, but we certainly tried!!!!  Triple bonus points for casting Jennifer Ehle as Lionel’s wife, and giving her a brief reunion scene with her Pride & Prejudice co-star Colin Firthypants!!!! But wait, she’s juss as capable as Bonham Cater, so why didn’t they give her the Queen Mum role?  And aint anything co-starring Timothy Spall (as Winston Churchill) probably worth watching, no???  YES! YES! YES!!!!!!!  Bestest stuttering movie since A Fish Called Wanda!!!

Beard Science: what happened to our leaders??? they used to all have awesome great big bushy beards, and everyone knows that beards rule!!! especially those of look-a-like first cousins King George V & Tsar Nicholas II!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Speech talks the talk this Friday in limited release

Rental Round-Up Dawg:

Harlan – In the Shadow of Jew Suss

[website | Netflix | Amazon]

Imagine for a second that yer father or perhaps grandfather was the greatest film director that thrived under Nazi Germany.  And no, we’re not talking about Leni Riefenstahl, cause she’s not a man.  The man in question is Veit Harlan, and the man for butter or worse, was the Nazi’s Steven Spielberg.  He made a not so lil antisemitic film called Jud Süß (Jew Süss) that both made and ruined him.  When the war ended, and he was absolved of any wrongdoing, life goes back to normal, right?  Nope, it doesn’t, and the Nazi stain and the shadow of Jew Suss that was cast are two thangs that are quite hard to remove.  Juss ask his kin and their kin.  That’s what this Harlan doc is all about.  And ya wanna know who one of thems kins is?  A not so lil lady by the name of Christiane Kubrick.  Interesting!  Wife of the self-loathing Jew Stanley marries a relative of a Nazi propagandist!!!!  Well, the whole doc is verrrry interesting, and we’re sorta secretly in love with one of his granddaughters that looks like a German Björk (the one in the middle).  Maybe she should marry this self-loathing Jew????  Only THE SHADOW KNOWS!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 1
School’s Out!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks!!!  SPANK THE LORD SLODERMORT!!!!!!!!  If there was anything dragging the movie versions of Harry Potter down down down it was the 909% snooze-a-roni-ness that filled the hallowed halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Boredom!!!!!  BYE BYE DUMPHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!  Ahhhh J.K. Rowling, what took you so long to ditch the wand and finger waving adults and let the kids run rampant???????????  We haven’t read one of yer boooooks in ages, but whatever’s within yer 7th and final book The Deathly Hallows is deathly awesomes!!!!  EAT THAT DEATH EATERS!!!!!!!!!!!

We have no recollection of what happened in the last movie, The Half-Blood Prince, but apparently we claimed it was the bestest since Cuarón‘s Azkaban.  Well, that can’t be the case, even if that was the case, cause Part 1 (of 2) of Hallows IS the bestest since #3, hands AND thighs down.  Why?  See above graphpara.  Why more?  Cause 84% of this bizatch is nuttin but Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint running around a zillion picturesque English countrysides, borrowing adventures from the pages of LOTR and Narnia, but who flippin cares, cause David Yates brings the loves and not the hates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  + Dobby is even tolerable!!! + there’s a scene with like 9 Harry Potters in one room!!! + Peter Mullan!!! + Rhys Ifans (as a perfect dad to Evanna Lynch)!!!! + there’s like some sorta cartoon shadow puppet storytelling bit thingie that’s like so outta place and yet so in the right place + David O’Hara, Steffan Rhodri and Sophie Thompson do the bestest kids trying to act like adults acting since Dudley Moore pretended he was Kirk Cameron in the body of Dudley Moore!!! + there’s like some sorta digital Hermione wet dream thing where she’s like sorta naked with like digital side boobs and it makes Ron like totally horny AND angry!!!!  + her digital side boobs are like bigger than her real ones!!!! (it’s OK to say this cause she’s like 20 and stuff!!!)

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But we will admit, there be something totally not the knees bees in Potterdom: Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort.  Slain and pimple, it juss don’t work.  Don’t know if it’s the know know of knowing it’s Fiennnennes behind the mask or the fact that the mask has no clothes like that emperor that had no clothes.  We know he’s suppose to be scary, but he’s the furthest thing from scary.  Harry has better screen nemesisismsism with Snape and the Malforys than he does with the dude with no nose.  Hopefully Part 2 won’t be a part doo-doo, even though it’s obvious that Voldy will loom large, and boviously get his before he gets a new nose!!!

Wright On!!!!!: Bonnie Wright is fo’shiz the shiz, so what is mo shiz than B Wright?  um, how bout Wright + Moretz!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Potter is Deathly aware of how FRANZTASTIC it is today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

127 Hours
In Arms Way
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

True-life survival tales trump all other kinds of true-life tales, and you can’t take that all the way to the bank.  Why?  Cause man vs the always unpredictable mother nature flicks don’t alwaysz equal $$$ signs, but who gives a flip wilson when they’re richest in the place that counts the mostest, capturing the enduring human spirit!!!!  If you’ve seen Stranded: I Have Come From A Plane That Crashed On The Mountains and Touching the Void, then you know of what we speak of, and if you haven’t, then you’ve missed out on at least 2 of the best movies of this century.  How can you root against survival of the fittest or even the un-fittest (also see Into The Wild, although he didn’t end up making it)?  It’s like rooting against Thanksgiving!!!!

Add wily adventurer Aron Ralston‘s case to the unbelievable/undeniable cinematic experiences worth enduring, cause whatever pain or discomfort you might encounter in the theater (or eventually on your couch), it aint ever gonna come close to whatever Aron had to done dealt with.  Ya see, Aron (played here by the unstoppable James Franco!!!) was a loner, a rebel Dottie!!!!  He loved to take off for the weekend, without anyone knowing where he was, becoming one with the desert (in a non-peyote kinda way).  On one such weekend, all is swell and well until… HE FALLS DOWN A SMALL CRACK IN A REMOTE CANYON, DRAGGING A GIANT BOULDER WITH HIM AND IN TURN TRAPPING HIS ARM AGAINST A WALL!!!!!!  What to do, what do to????

Well, dude was pinned down down there for 127 hours and lived to tell the tale, with one less hand!!!!!  No real spoiler there, cause that’s a fact, but, as we and they and everyone we know always sez, it’s not about the forgone conclusion, but tis all about the journey, even if this journey is running in the same place!!!!  And you’d think that being stuck with a guy being stuck wouldn’t be all that riveting, but guess what, IT IS, AND THEN SOME AND MORE SOME AND AWE-SOME (the flashbacks and hallucinations don’t hurt to mix things up a bit)!!!!

Was there any doubt, when this puppy’s in the directorial hands of the outward-boundless Danny Boyle (reunited with his Slumdog screenwriter Simon Beaufoy and musicmaker AR Rahman), who for once is working off of some non-fictional hazardous material??  Of course he was gonna hit a home run with his first at bat, as he’s been quite the slugger in the fictional world over the past decade (see any and all of his stuff, esp Sunshine and Trainspiotting, which is tied for our mos flavorite movie of balls thyme with 3 other movies).  Lets hear it for the boys, lets give the boys a hand!!!!

Boyled Over:  Danny Boy Boyle can do no wrong, but did do wrong to mutual Scotsman and former BFF Ewan McGregor, by casting Leo DiCaps for the lead in the (very weak) Beach instead of Obi Wan.  Ewan has never forgiven him and in the process, ruined any chances of bringing Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting sequel Porno to the big screen.  make peace boys, even if it takes 28 years later!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

127 Hours is clocking it in NY & LA now, and elsewhere elsesoon

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…