The Twelfvie Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

our Annual NFL Pee View doesn’t sit for anthems, it creates them!!

NFC

Suspensions, injuries, racist nicknames, and the Eagles – that about sums up the NFC East.  Always a dog fight, and three of those dogs (Giants/Cowboys/Skins) will somehow all end up with identical 10-6 records, and somehow 10-6 won’t be enough for the Skins to actually make the playoffs.  I really hope none of that happens.  In fact, I wish the Giants, Cowboys and Eagles didn’t exist.  And in fact, I sometimes wish the Redskins didn’t either.  Even I’m ready to move on from their name, and owner and everything about them.  Without the Browns and the Jags, the Redskins would probably be the most pathetic NFL franchise.  You know what, the Browns and Jags ARE less pathetic, cause no one expects anything from them.  Everyone expects the Skins to suck, and expectations continue to be met!  Hooray?

And like the improbability of three division teams going 10-6, I’m picking three NFC North teams (Pack/Vikes/Lions) to finish 7-9, with the Bears a tick behind at 6-10!  The 7-9 tiebreaker goes to the Pack, cause Aaron Rodgers is now free of Olivia Munn distractions, and now gets to throw at monster TE Martellus Bennett, who probably has a very clear head after hanging with Snoop Dogg this summer

The Falcons will remain the new mouth of the South, although opening a new stadium with a Chick-fil-A that won’t be open on Sunday gamedays is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard (besides a diner in Star Wars).  The Panthers, Bucs and Saints will all do well, but not well enough.  I feel like the Bucs are almost there, but maybe a year away from being there.  BE THERE!!!

The 49ers and Wherever Rams got new coaches, who both formerly worked for the Skins, and so their teams are filled with Skins castoffs, meaning they won’t be very good, even if Kirk Kousins joins either of those teams next year.  Best of luck next year, or the year after!!  That leaves the Cards and the Hawks to duke it out, and yes, they will, with matching records, but Zona taking the crown, and Seattle settling for a Wild Card birth

#1 Zona

#2 Falcons

#3 Giants

#4 Packers

#5 Seahawks

#6 Cowboys

Cowboys over Giants / Seahawks over Pack

Cowboys over Zona / Seahawks over Falcons

NFC Championship – two wild card teams run wild all the way to the Conference title game, with the Hawks squawking by the Boys. 38-31

 

AFC

I made one of the würstest and dumbest calls of all time last year – I said the Pats weren’t going to even make the playoffs in 2016.  I said that cause I wanted it to happen.  It didn’t.  I then bet against them in the Super Bowl, and then they embarrassed the Falcons and me and won their like 238238288th Super Bowl.  I won’t make the same mistake again.  I will never doubt the team that gets to play the Fins, Bills and Jets 6 times a year.  If only every person in the world had 6 easy opponents they had to face every year – the world would be such a better place… unless you were a Fins, Bills or Jets fan.  Sorry guys

The AFC North should be known as America’s division.  The cities that make it up are the heart of America, and helped to decide and shape where we are now.  You should care about these people, and in turn, these teams.  These people probably don’t lead the happiest of lives, so we need these teams to win, and make these people happy, so they won’t be unhappy, and make dumb mistakes like the mistake America is living right now.  OK, I know Maryland is a blue state, but they got the blues, and so I will root for all 4 teams to make the playoffs.  Since that isn’t possible, then go Steelers!  Ravens!  and Bengals!  And in my heart, go Browns!  May you surprise us all and win it all!  That would not only make Ohio happy, but all of America happy.  Heck, it may even make North Korea happy!

Oh yeah, that division with all those teams that didn’t exist in their current cities prior to 1984.  Got to pick someone to win it, right?  [puts names in a hat.  burns hat.  one name can partially be read and it is…] congrats Titans!!!  8-8 is great enuff!!

The Raiders technically owe the city of Oakland nothing.  The NFL is a bidness, and money will be made no matter where a team moves.  But the Raiders should win one for their fans in Oakland, before they move on and give Vegas a run for its money.  It actually can totally happen!!! It could have happened last year, had their Carr not broken down on the road to the Super Bowl.  Keep that carr running.  Take it to Jiffy Lube or Jersey Lube or Håkan Loob.  Dude, Håkan Loob!!!!!!!  OK, now for the others – seriously, who’s the Broncos QB?  Will Andy Reid go full walrus this year in KC??  And Chargers, why would you are ANYONE ever leave San Diego?  That weather!  THOSE TACOS!!!!

 

Seeds

#1 Steelers

#2 Patriots

#3 Raiders

#4 Titans

#5 Ravens 

#6 Bengals

Raiders over Bengals / Ravens over Titans

Steelers over Ravens / Pats over Raiders

AFC Championship – is there anything more boring than a Steelers-Patriots conference title game?  yeah, the Pats winning it 17-14

Super Bowl – Super Bowl XLIX happens again, but the Seahawks make up for blowing it the first time around vs the Evil Empire and do the do

Seahawks 31, Patriots 30

we ran out of Meagan Good in a Hooters outfit pics.  oh well.  Agustina should suffice


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