Ten Things I Hate About Our Tenth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

our NFL pee view gets smaller and smaller each year.  is it cause the Breadskins endlessly suck?  or that the NFL is kinda predictable, as the same teams always win?  or is it that marriage has taken a toll on my free time?  Actually, I think it’s that the NFL isn’t as fun as it used to be.  too many off the field distractions, and not too much awesomeness on the field.  anywho, here’s a qwik pee view of what’s what for 2015…

NFC

chip kelly

The East is the Eagles for the taking, IF Sam Bradford can stay healthy, and IF Chip Kelly does the wise thing and dress up like a Patriot like his predecessor did

The Packers should run away with the North, and the NFC.  Sure, losing Jordy Nelson doesn’t help, but maybe he’ll be healthy enough to join the Nelson Brothers (Matthew and Gunnar) when they play in Spencer, Wisconsin on December 13th

It pains me to pick the Panthers as the mouths of the South, but the other three teams don’t seem to be going in the right direction, unless that direction is the same name as this division.  I guess you could say that they’ are all heading south for the winter

People are dogging the NFC West, but I say West will be best.  Sure, Marshawn Lynch reunited with Fred Jackson will have the Seahawks running all over their divisionmates, but I see both the Cardinals (Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald’s combined age is 67!!!) AND the Rams (somehow giving Jeff Fisher his 1st winning seasom there) snagging the two Wild Card spots

Seeds

#1 Packers

#2 Seahawks

#3 Eagles

#4 Panthers

#5 Cardinals

#6 Rams

NFC Championship – somehow the Eagles do the impossible, go into Lambeau in January and freeze the hearts of all Packer fans – 31 – 28

AFC

brady

Nothing will deflate the Patriots.  Brady will be more pissed and driven than ever, and kill everything in sight.  Always doesn’t hurt that they play 6 games against dogsh!t teams (within their division) – make that 7, since they play Deadskins too!

So will it be the Browns or the Bengals… who finish in last place?  Actually, the question is, and always is – who wins the North – the Ravens or the Steelers?  Sure, the suspensions and what not will have the Steelers shorthanded at the start, but don’t count these guys out in the long run

The Jags may surprise this year, but they’re still a bunch of Jag-offs, leaving the Colts needing no luck to walk off with the division crown.  Andre Johnson and Frank Gore will find the fountain of youth in Indianapolis, which would be the first thing anyone would find in Indianapolis, one of America’s lamest big citities

I guess I’m all about the West, cause I’m penciling in the Chiefs as head Chefs, with the Broncos (although Manning’s arm will fall off in week 16) and Chargers taking the wild card slotz

Seeds

#1 Patriots

#2 Colts

#3 Chiefs

#4 Steelers

#5 Broncos

#6 Chargers

AFC Championship – nice try Colts, but you run out of luck vs the Patriots, again.  total snoozefest – 45 – 20

Super Bowl – is there anything more boring than another Patriots win?  no, and that’s why the boredom ends, with Chip Kelly and Sam Bradford and the Iggles topping the Patriots by deflating their hearts and their stupid helmet logo 

Eagles 25, Patriots 24

zero super bowl wins no mo!

superbowls zero eagles

wait, stop the presses – the Buffalo Jills are no longer????

oh well, we’ll throw our weight behind and on Eagle cheerleader Megan this season!!!!!!!

megan eagles cheerleader

perv-iously…

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We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

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Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

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First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

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