8 Fast 8 Furious (The Fate of the Furious)
The DEFLATE of the Furious
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 136 min

Welcome to 8 Fast 8 Furious!

(previously – #4 / #5 / #6 / #7)

And so long my unquestioned love of the Furious films!

Wait, what????

Yep, the Fate of The Furious may have sealed it’s fate by reaching a point of no return.  It may NEVER be able to return to the days of pure dumb fun, and may just keeping going (of course it will keep going), minus the fun – aka, pure DUMB

HOW IS IT SO??!?!??!?!

I dunno, but when did our beloved hot-head car racers turn into SEAL Team Six meets G.I. Joe????????????????

is this picture from 8 Furious or G.I. Joe? is there even a difference??

Why do they have to stop Bond villains from stealing bombs, on ice???

is this picture form 8 Fast or that awful Bond flick Die Another Die?

When did it become the Fast crew’s job to do things above their pay grade, and above what they really need to be doing – which is juss drive cars, fast, and impress fast hot chicks!  

And when did the bad guys all become fairytale cyberterrorists???

WTF Fast and Furious?  

And where did the humor go?  Sure, Tyrese has some good lines (one in particular, when trying to read Cyrillic Russian), and Jason Statham makes cute baby talk, but whoever is writing the one-liners should be given a one-way ticket to be buried alive.  What, was the guy who wrote the Running Man screenplay buried alive and not available?

Is this what happens with Paul Walker’s character walks away??  You have to go bigger and worse???  Or you have to have more scenes of talking, and less scenes of driving???  I mean the remote controlled car scene was INSANE, but, what is going on here?  Maximum Overdrive IN OVERDRIVE????

I mean, I feel that the road we’re headed on – 9 Fast 9 Furious will find our beloved crew saving the Earth from aliens!!!!  

and of course I’ll be there to witness it.  juss please make it fcuking good.  PLEASE!! and dump the stuff that doesn’t belong that is making Fast seriously slow

Verdictgo: the lowest that Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges goes

I am furious at Furious, currently at a theater near jews AND white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

if I had Fast & Furious f-u money, I too would build a Benihana in my backyard like Tyrese Gibson did!!!  hell, I’d even name it GibsiHana’ too!!

No big deal – just in my backyard #GibsiHana' soon in Jesus name in gonna open my first location and get this HIT Franchise rolling around the country- investors get at me- get in early you WIN!!!!! [email protected] serious investors only!!!!

A video posted by TYRESE (@tyrese) on Sep 20, 2014 at 11:04pm PDT

Ohhhh shit snoopdogg got me on his instagram✌..it was a pleassure cooking for him … His one of the coolest man and down to earth #dopeshitman thanks@snoopdogg for the video. .. #ifeellikeamillionbucks#mexicanchef#chefoscar #teppanchef #privatechef #personalchef #headchefatgibsihana#lasvegas#newyork#london#tokyo#masterchef#hiphop#snoopdoggydogg9#tyrese#gibsihana #itsnotyouitsmen

A video posted by Oscar Briseno (@djlovetracks) on Jan 20, 2016 at 10:55am PST

A few years ago, my brother notified myself and @thelonelyisland that @tyrese had built a private Benihana restaurant at his home. Last night, @tyrese made our dreams come true and we celebrated @thecarolinagentleman's birthday at the one and only – GIBSIHANA!!!! TO BE CLEAR – THIS IS NOT A BENIHANA. THIS IS A RESTAURANT IN @TYRESE'S BACKYARD. IT IS AMAZING. (Video by @davidcho)

A video posted by @azizansari on Jan 18, 2016 at 4:52pm PST

GIBISIHANA TURN UP!!! (cc @tyrese @thecarolinagentleman @davidcho @thelonelyisland)

A video posted by @azizansari on Jan 18, 2016 at 5:37pm PST

#GibsiHana 9ever!!!!!!

Furious 7 (7 Fast 7 Furious)
Sky Driving & Crying
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 140 min

Furious 7 is ultimately the greatest movie ever, but is it the greatest Fast and Furious movie? I don’t think it’s as amazin as #6 was is, and to be perfectly honest, I kinda don’t like the new direction they went in for #7 – more guns and blammo and less cars and jammos.  YES, there is still plenty of car stuff for the motorheads, but when did our Furious crew need to turn into Jason Bourne/GI Joe and play a bunch of Patriot Games????  That kinda dumb suff started when The Rock showed up in the series, but it’s fastly getting even more and s’mores redonkulous.  I mean, wtf is going on here???

We have a need for speed, not drones and helicopter shoot-outs.  Guess the filmmakers said, well, after #6, we have no where to go but up… in the air.  And yes, there’s a slick ass scene of cars flying thru da air, and another where cars fly thru buildings (AND IT’S ALL AWESOME!!), and anything else you can imagine, and then they threw in a bunch of other over the top stuff which is anything else I guess they imagined… like, hey, we need two pointless bad guys, and we also need a slick-haired Kurt Russell in dis movie for no reason!

Am I complaining?  No, but we’re about 1-14 robots away from this franchise turning into the digital eye-fcuk-sore that is the Transformer movie series, and I’m not too thrilled about it.  BUT, I am all in, and always will be, until they stop making these

+ their goodbye to Paul Walker was fitting/kind/loving/CG awkward but acceptable, and it is what is, although they totally should bring one of his brothers on board for #8

+ this new addition is super crazy/beautiful sexy cool

  

+ they finally acknowledged Lucas Black and Little Bow Wow exist in the FF universe!!!

and for #8?  why not go old school and do some sort of Cannonball Run cross-country fun-a-athon???? Tyrese is thighlarious, and they should take more advantage of that, ramping up the laughs and car chases, not the guns and dumbo

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Furious air mails it in at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…