Thighs Wide Shut

attention tick and swisted Thighlandians: no longer will you have to use this NSFW kiddie porn Mapplethrope photo of Eva Amurri as JO and HJ matz cause Susan Sarandon’s lil daughter has NSFW done us one butter, with her strip tease yesplease on Californication!!!!!

which instantly tops any toplessness her mum has displayed in the past, including, butt not limited to the lemon drops in Atlantic City [SFW]

+ Don Draper’s neighbor playthang Abigail Spencer in Faux NSFW

– sorry kids, but there aint pics to share from our weekend in NC. it was more of a visiting friends and their kids and eatin fried chicken on a biscuit and sippin on Cheerwine and Redskins rape our hearts thrice again type-o weekend than a seeing sights and other worldly delights one. feel free to peruse and reuse our past recent trips to the har teel state

meat Zita Vass, aka Californication‘s Destiny
who was ‘mouth raped’ by Hank [NSFW]

she’s so fine that even Sarah Palin would f%ck her

The X-Files:
I Want to Believe
A Sorry X-Cuse For A Second Feature
Trailers & Mo

Like with Dr Jones, it’s a pleasure to catch-up once again with our old pals Mulder and Scully, we juss wish the reunion was packaged with something both familiar and mind-blowing, and not lackluster and half-assed. This second X-Files big screen adventure is a lot like the first one, cept it has less to do with the show’s delicious mythology (if yer looking for aliens see Crystal Skull instead) and more to do with wasting everyone’s time (unless yer really into questioning faith and religion). The production of the film was shrouded in secrecy, but what’s the point when there’s nothing within this basic serial killerish film worth holding the beans back from spilling. Guess the only secret was how plain this film turned out to be. It is kinda entertaining, but we expect more from team X, as this stand-alone piece is just that, standing by itself, far from what made the series so darn franztastic to begin with. While we are treated to sum lovely tender moments between Duchovny and Anderson (although they spend way too much screentime apart… probably the result of shooting schedule conflicts), everything else in play is ho-hum. The only thing supernatural goings on here is Billy Connolly as a child-raping priest/physic, and the rest seems very super-unnatural, like newcomers Xzibit and Amanda Peet, who both add very little to the effort (they should left Xzibit off the screen and figured out a way to use his killah song ‘Paparazzi’ instead). We’re kinda tossed on whether they should even bother with a third flick, but the fact remains that the truth is still out there since I Want To Believe is juss a bunch of truthiness

The Hank Moody Boobs: Mulder is so yesterday’s news thanks to Duchovny’s work and all play banging hot chicks on Showtime’s Californication [NSFW]

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Mamma Mia!
My My, How Can We Resist You? Very Easily
Trailers & Mo

This past decade has seen its fair share of stage musicals making a bumpy transition to celluloid. For every Sweeney Todd or Hedwig that are able to make the magic work, there are at least a handful that repoop it up like Phantom of The Poopera or Poopspray or Low-Rent or The Pro-Poopers or Nightmaregirls. Mama Mia! is another one to add to the poopfest list. They woulda been better off calling it Dia Rrhea! OK, it’s not as awful as one would think, but after about 3 songs into this ABBA karaoke-a-thon yer gonna wanna run home and listen to Agnetha, Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid sing the tunes instead of whatever butcher shop Meryl Streep and co have opened for bidness. We’re glad that they were having such a great time onscreen, but maybe they could figured out a way to transfer some of that fun to the paying audience. This may not be the movie musical’s Waterloo, but it’s certainly its Waterpoop

Remington Shrill: we pity poor Pierce Brosnan. he’s got a lovely voice for talking (and audio tours), but not so much when it comes to singing. he’s down right slight yer ears off repoopulous, yet we can’t stop listening to his duet with Meryl on ‘S.O.S.’ [d]

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

both films are playing at a theater new Jews

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

TV was good to us this past year and in turn we masturbated a lot. Actually we didn’t, but we probably logged the mos amt of hours in front of the tube of boob since the weigh days when Saved By The Bell played after school 4 times in a row. As for the writer’s strike, we actually believed it helped to make better TV. Why may you flask? Cause mos shows run out of steam half way thru a 20+ ep run and the abbreviated seasons forced tighter storylines and mo juicy entertainments. Less is always more, unless wees talkin about our crush… er, um, CRUSH!

So besides the year-round bestness that be PTI, Ebert & Roeper and CBS Sunday Morning here are our top 13 picks that didn’t suck our vaginas (peas note we didn’t watch Mad Men and to this day, haven’t seen one episode of The Wire… but we plan on changing that)

1. Dexter – did the impossible of following up the BEYOND fantabolous first season with a BEYOND solid second season, where Dex found himself going from hunter to hunted, all while dealing with TV’s mos hated character, the ‘gross, English, titty vampire.‘

2. The Office – ‘Gift baskets are… the essence of class and fanciness‘

3. Flight of the Conchords – if you haven’t rapped along to ‘Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenocerous‘ you truly haven’t lived

4. Lost – we once were bored, but now we’re beard!

5. Kid Nation – kids say the darndest things, and do em as well, and even better than the boring adults that oversaturate the reality genre. don’t know if a second dose of this will be good, but kids doing stuff is second best to monkeys doing stuff

6. Californication – all glorious NSFW breastesiesezes aside, this show was udderly refreshing and NOT Tell Me You Put Me To Sleep

7. Gossip Girl – in 12 short episodes, GG has already replaced The OC as the only true heir to 90210. Chuck Bass kicks glass, as so do these weekly Intel reviews. + who wouldn’t want to toss Blair Waldorf’s salad?

8. 30 Rock – from thirtynothing to thirtyeverything, we’re sorry we ever doubted you

9. Journeyman – we’re still waiting for the ep where Lucius Vorenus travels back to 40ish BC

10. Aliens In America – we picked it to finish last in its class, but this comedy is first class

11. The Tudors – nothing is more gay than Jonathan Rhys Meyers, yet nothing is hotter than watching him bang chicks

12. Dance Revolution – the aim of this Saturday morning show was to get kids off the couch. it didn’t work, for them (it was canceled), but it did for us

13. The (White) Rapper Show – two words: hallelujah hollaback

want a second opinion?
well Thigh Sister and hubby Brickhouse
watch much more crappy TV than thous
and here’s their round-up for the square-down

Favorite Adrenaline Rush
Amazing Race
Dexter
Ultimate Fighter

Favorite Reality Dating Shows
Beauty and the Geek
I Love New York
Pick-Up Artist
Rock of Love with Brett Michaels
Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

Favorite Competitive Reality Shows
America’s Most Smartest Model
America’s Psychic Challenge
Big Brother
Design Star
Project Runway
Top Chef
The (White) Rapper Show

Favorite T&A Shows
The Hills
Keeping up with the Kardashians
Real Housewives of Orange County
Sunset Tan

Favorite Control Freaks
Flipping Out
Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency
Work Out

look out for our anal and annual
breastestestnessness in movies
in the weeks to come!
xo xo

Thrice again, inspired by the the world’s greatestist newspaper’s THE LIST and sorta by the Bruno skit where one has to choose between giving Liza Minelli a benign or malignant tumor, I ice man giveth to you, what will be hottier and nottier than my shits in the ‘008

OUT	IN
The Show Me State	The Blow Me State
Kate Middleton	Kate Beginnington
Instant Replay	Instant Oatmeal
Alba & Cash	Tango & Cash
Vanessa Hudgens	Amanda Hugandkiss
Poop	Scroop
Got MILF?	Funkin’ Gonuts
Lauren Conrad	Conrad Bain
Blackface	‘The Gas Face’
Yoko Romo	Whomever Todd Collins’ Wife Is
Piña Coladas	Penis Colitis
Feeling Up Lucy Pinder	Feeling Sorry For Lucy Pinder
Colt Brennan	Colt 45
Going Green	Mo HJs for Brian Austen Green
PT Anderson	P.W.S. Anderson
DUIs	My Nuts On Your Thighs
Harold & Kumar 2	returning to White Castle for V-Day
iPhones	ET Phone Home
100 Calorie Snacks	100 Pound Whores
Bromances	Sisotopes
Pixar	Rygar
The 2nd 2nd Ave Deli	Jimmy Two Times
Worshipping Diablo Cody	Worshipping Agent Cody Banks
Records w/Asterisks	Asterix and Obelix
McLovin	The McRib
David Keith	Keith David
The ’72 Dolphins Popping Champagne	Tom Brady Popping Out More Bastards
The Interwebs	Webster
Ratt	Rattt
‘Going Gay For’	‘What’s a Dickfor?’
Nip Slips	Sipping On Nips
Fumunda Cheese	Burundi Cheese
Californication	Texassrapin

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ‘006 and the ‘007