Thighs Wide Shut

The Iron Lady
Fear & Loathing at 10 Downey Streep
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 105 min

What the f$%k is this Phyllida Lloyd (she directed Crappa Mia!) and Abi Morgan (wait, she wrote Shame???) Margaret Thatcher ‘biopic’ all about???  You learn next to zero about the woman and her accomplishments (well, besides that she was a woman who did the impossible by becoming a female Prime Minister and then became a rather bossy lady and then people grew tired of her bossy lady finger waving ways, and then…), and what we do learn is that the retired PM apparently spends her todays in lost delusional thoughts and talks to her deceased husband, who might be crazier than this movie.  If we were Margaret Thatcher and saw this Oliver Stone boneheaded treatment of our past and present, we’d say FALK(land islands) YOU!!!  Seriously, what’s the f$%k did we juss watch?  This is a big ole BM about the first lady PM

Crying fracking shame, cause Meryl Streep hands in another one of them beyond magnificent performances that muss be seen to be beloved (and is miles away butterer than anything these ladies done tried), and it’s udderly wasted (along with the supporting work of Jim Broadbent, Olivia Colman, and Alexandra Roach, who’s equally as brilliant as Streep is, playing the younger Margaret) amongst a mess of ideas and conjecture and canted angles.  Sure, give America’s iron(weed) lady an Oscar, and another to the hair and makeup department (AMMMMAZING!!!!), and throw the rest in the rubbish bin, or the looney bin, where the filmmakers apparently believe Mrs Thatcher belongs, but it’s where them filmmakers belong.  We don’t know how to make movies, but had we made this one, we woulda taken a much more straight-forward approach, like those solid Michael Sheen as Tony Blair thingies, cause learning about someone is usually more interesting than making up crap and displaying it in a ‘creative’ way

moral of the story – The movie feels like Nixon + Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas + Harvey MINUS everything good about any of those movies.  there you go, or don’t. NO NO NO!  They should have never made that Julia Childs movie and this one, and instead juss made a movie where Streep does imitations for 9 hours

Spitting Image Headache: oh yeah, The Iron Lady also feels like watching that eyesore Genesis video for ‘Land of Confusion’ with those f$%king scary-a$$ Spitting Image puppets

Verdictgo: Streep saves from total eye slitting, so Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

this Lady is Iron clud in NY/LA only, and elsewhere elsesoon

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

+ three other miscards

&

fyi – in France, Han Solo is Yan Solo!!!

fyi – we really miss Yan Can Cook

(even though Yan isn’t dead yet)

#celebratetheliving

We Bought A Zoo
THEY DID IT!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 124 min

The above gif says a thousand speechless words of what We Bought A Zoo was all about. Interpret it however you like

Verdictgo: a super fromagey Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Zoo is currently Bought and sold at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

apparently war wasn’t too kind to Gustav Klimt.  below are four of his paintings that were destroyed in May of 1945, as retreating German SS forces set fire to the Schloss Immendorf castle to prevent it falling into enemy hands.  At least 11 more were destroyed in the same fire.  f$&king Nazis!!!

even mo Lost Art: Masterpieces Destroyed in War [via FTU]

Sherlock Holmes:
A Game of Shadows
The Final Problem
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 129 min

Don’t know how we thought the first one was passable, cause it spectretro, it was poo-diddly-poo. You take one look at brilliant modern day Cumberpatched Sherlock and juss know that Guy Ritchie doesn’t deserve to do a thang with Arthur Conan Doyle’s foils & foibles!!!  Well, like it or not, he and Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law are back in a new misadventure and it’s somehow all passable again.  CRAP!  This crap should be crap, so how is it watchable, again?  Jared Harris as Professor James Moriarty is a very very nice touch, and including Noomi Rapace and Stephen Fry in on the fun kinda adds to the fun, even if their characters are kinda marginalized.  And?  Well, they killed off Rachel McAdams’ character, which also added to the fun, cause her character was les würst.  But isn’t any movie that includes a chess scene between two rivals juss one giant sh$t show?  It is, but one that’s covered in fun.  CRAP!

Verdictgo: very low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Sherkock is currently playing close to wherever you call Holmes 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…