the NFLz is back.  NF-eeeellllllls YEAHHHH!!  

here’s a pee view of what’s to come, in yo pants…

NFC

NFC East

RGIII turned the Skins (10-6) from NFC Least into NFC Beasts, and will continue to do so this year (unlesssss he goes back to being RGKnee), against the coughing Coughlin Giants (8-8) and un-wow Cowboys (8-8), who hired a new offensive coordinator, which will make zero difference and juss put Jerry Jones on the defensive, when they fail to do anything, again. The Eagles (6-10) won’t be a tragedy nor a comedy, but maybe a tragi-comedy.  Depends on if Chip Kelly lets the dogs out and Vick gets dogged by the dogs in the dog days of summer wearing Big Dog t-shirts

NFC North

Aaron Rodgers was lied to by his boy and restaurant co-owner Ryan Braun, meaning he’ll never be able to trust half-Jewish people ever again.  His new found half-anti-semitisim will propel his Packers (9-7) over the Jason-Hanson-less Lions (8-8) and cold-Cutler Bears (7-9) and whomever is leading the Vikes Vikes (7-9)

NFC South

Bountygate is a thing of the past, and so be the Saints (11-5) sucking.  THEY BACKKKKKKKK and Payton and Brees will play no defense and score enuff offense to make us believe that it’s 2009 all over again.  The Falcons (8-8) blow, but will slip into the playoffs so they can blow it in the 1st round, cause thats what they do, even if thats’s not what they did last year, but Matt Ryan will never win anything.  The Bucs (8-8) will be one win less dreadful than last year and the Panthers (4-12) will be the worst team in the NFL, but mainly cause they STILL have the most ugly color combo in the world

NFC West

The Seahawks (11-5) are unbeatable at home, and will prove to be juss as tuff on the road like Charles Kuralt, and prove to be slightly tuffer than last year’s darling the 49ers (10-6).  Once again leaving the Rams (7-9) and the Cards (7-9) to be two teams that the people of St Louis no longer give a sh$t about.  But hey, at least St Louis’ gotz this!

Seeds

#1 Seatalks

#2 Aints

#3 Redskins

#4 Greenskins (that’s what my niece used to call the Packers)

#5 49ersers

#6 Falcants

NFC Championship - Seattle proves their wools-worths, but the Saints are back and bounty quicker picking uppering their way back to the Super Bowl!!!

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AFC

AFC East

It’s still New England‘s (9-7) playground to be the bully of, but Buffalo (7-9) and Miami (7-9) are closing the gap between complete awfulness and less awfulness.  But those Jets (5-11), oh those Jets, they still trying to wipe up after buttfumblegate, and that leaky butt aint closing anytime soon.  RUNNY POOP!

AFC North

The Ravens (9-7) may not be the same dudes who won the Super Bowl last year, but they have less annoying murderers on their team, and Torrey Smith will still catch five 80+ yard TDs and they will slightly edge out the Steelers (9-7) and the less poopy Browns (8-8) and the hard-knock lifed Bengals (7-9).  But for the love of gob, can the Browns just make it to one Super Bowl, PLEASSSSSSSSSSE.  And how bout winning one too???  America needs that, and I could too

AFC South

Hate this division, cause they all feel like expansion teams that no one should care about, but alas, we have to care cause they in the NFL, but we mainly hate em cause we always predict the Texans (11-5) to do good things and they never come thru, and I guess we’re doing it again, but adding the Colts (10-6) into the mix, with the Titans (6-10) remaining unremberable and the Jags (5-11), jagging off.  Wait, why do all of the teams in this division have some sort of blue in their color combos?  They should put the Panthers into this division and then throw this division away in the color garbage

AFC West

Peyton’s Place is with the Broncos (10-6), and he’s gotz the weapons (white WRs – SHOCKING!) AND rap songs, and JUSS enuff stuff to hold off the new look Chiefs (9-7), and the not so close and no cigar Chargers (8-8) and not so much of anything Raiders (7-9).  But the only thing that truly matters is if they’ll get new Kansas City coach Andy Reid to don a headdress, like they somehow got him to slip his fat body into a Philly patriot outfit.  Dare to dream

Seeds

#1 Tejasans

#2 John Denver

#3 Pats vs Genos

#4 cRavens

#5 Dolts

#6 KC mastepieces

AFC Championship - Peyton’s Broncos end up up-ending his former team, the Colts (OH THE IRONY!), to make it back to a Super Bowl where…

Payton crushes Peyton’s hopes, AGAIN (oh the irony?).  History CAN repeats itselves – the Giants beat the Pats two times in Super Bowls and bored us to death, so why not this?

Saints 31, Broncos 27

Drew Brees is yer Super Bowl MVP, and Manatee Tai-Yo gets dumbest dipshit idiot ever

enjoy the season, and go Bills!  Jills!

perv-iously…

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

what’s the only thing more-er crazy/sexy/cool than those funcredible Choose Your Own Adventure books?

INDIANA JONES ONES!!!

cept they were those faux BS ones called Find Your Fate

but who cares what they were called or what was on the inside cause on the outside was Harrison Ford’s face in more Indiana Jones adventures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WE HATE READING BUT WE’D READ ANYTHING WITH HARRISON FORD’S FACE ON THE COVER WITH PROMISES OF MORE INDIANA JONES ADVENTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOULDN’T EVEN CARE IF THE ADVENTURES WERE JUSS HIM TAKING A DUMP!!!!!!

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perv-e-usly - 

Judge A Book’s Cover By Its Cover I

merry Zeptember everyone!!!

be sure to clean up after yo-self

Our Nixon
Nixon Business With Pleasure
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Not Rated | 84 min

watch this clip

what is this??? Richard Nixon spraying nasty personal opinions that the public was never suppose to hear, from his INFAMOUS(ly stupid) secret White House audio tapes, paired with glorious Super 8 footage that was shot by one of his three right-hand men – Nixon Chief of Staff HR ‘Bob’ Haldeman, Chief Domestic Adviser John Ehrlichman and Deputy Assistant Dwight Chapin.  All three would end up being collaterally damaged casualties from the Watergate scandal. Someone had to take the fall, right? From 1969 to 1973 these gents shot over 500 reels of Super 8 footage. Co-directors/producers Penny Lane and Brian L Frye tell the Nixon presidency story thru this footage and his own dumb words. The result is not only an important historical audiovisual record, but a beyond fascinating eye and ear opening paranoid snapshot of such a time and such a place and such a person, which all juss keeps on getting more fascinating as the years pass. Whomever Nixon it is, make sure you make Our Nixon yours, even if it’s just for 84 minutes

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Nixon aired on CNN and opens tomorrow in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

the only bitched @ swirth that matters*

David Moscow aka Josh Baskin and my boy Adam Harrison aka Josh Baskin doppelgänger together at last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*to me