meet the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

 

John Boyega as Sando Calrissian

Sando grew up in Cloud City, living under the shadow of his dashing father Lando.  Sick of hearing his father’s glorified stories about the Battle of Taanab and endless late-night partying with Nien Nunb, Sando left home to make it on his own.  Since then, he has become a legendary pilot, and an even bigger scoundrel AND player than his father ever was.  He currently holds 14 death sentences on as many planets, and has won the last 3 World Series of Sabacc titles

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Daisy Ridley as Hope Solo

When parents Leia and Han tell their daughter Hope that they love her, she always replies, ‘I know’.  But does she?  HOPE so!!!  Hope, like her mother and grandmother before her, is one of the most independent women in the galaxy.  When she’s not getting straight A’s at Coruscant University, she devotes a lot of her free time to the Refugee Relief Movement.  And if she has any additional additional free time, she makes her own bathtub blue milk, from her great Aunt‘s secret recipe.  The force is slightly strong with this one, although she’s only a half-breed, and gets her ‘shoot first’ mentality genes directly from her pops

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Adam Driver as Darth Brooks

Not much is known about Darth Brooks, but what is known is to stay the fcuk out of his way.  Brooks employs the rare tri-lightsaber, which can not only slice opponents with ease, but galactic pizzas as well!

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Oscar Isaac as Dweezil Zapple

When it comes to Jizz music, there no musician more on top of his game than Dweezil Zapple.  Sadly, the rest of the galaxy doesn’t realize that.  Stuck playing coffee shops and bounty hunter bars on remote planets, Dweezil keeps on keeping on, waiting to make a breakthrough.  Sales of his last album weren’t promising, but an opening slot on the Max Rebo tribute band’s latest tour is.  To make ends meet, Dweezil moonlights as a droids dealer.  His most popular seller is R7-D4

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Andy Serkis as Grand Toff Fee

After the destruction of the second Death Star, the Empire was in shambles, until Grand Toff Fee rose thru the ranks and righted the ship.  He is currently overseeing the construction of a third Death Star, and promises that this one will be indestructible, and will not have a shield generator located anywhere near any muppets or midgets

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Domhnall Gleeson as Obi-Thwoo Kenobi

Obi-Wan Kenobi was perhaps the greatest and most dedicated of all the Jedis, but everyone has their faults and weaknessess.  Obi-Wan’s was prostitutes, and he would use the force to force himself upon endless hookers, without paying them a dime or spices.  Well, one of these forced situations, with a Mos Eisley red-lighter named Sxxixty Nyne, resulted in a bastard child that Obi-Wan never knew about.  Nyne tried her best to raise her son, Obi-Thwoo, but being the son of whore didn’t provide much of an opportunity for him, and so she sent him to the Jedi Academy on his 10th birthday.  Obi-Thwoo was a quick study, and soon become as good a Jedi as his father before him.  But apparently he couldn’t escape his genes either – as he got involved in a scandalous affair with Yaddle that threatened to destroy the Jedis forever

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Max von Sydow as Galactic Emperor Vax mon Ydow

Emperor Vax mon Ydow is one of the most malicious and vicious men in the entire galaxy.  He has been known to set up meetings, and then not show up.  BASTARD!!!  One of his biggest priorities as Emperor, besides killing all the Jedi, is to figure out a better system of visual communication other than the ye olde glitchy hologram

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so there you have it.  will this be the bestest Star Wars ever????  probably not, but it will probably be 129393939 billion times better than the last 3 Lucas gave us.  HOOOOORAY!!!!!!!

Peace The Forks Out

to

WHAT ABOUT BOB HOSKINS????

and my fav Hoskins roles…

The Long Good Friday (1980)

Pink Floyd The Wall (1982)

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

Mermaids (1990)

Nixon (1995)

Twenty Four Seven (1997)

Maid in Manhattan (2002)

&

James Brian Hellwig

&

Dr J

 &

Hurried Cane

+

no more years of Solitude

OVERLORD OF THE BATMAN TV SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAD as hell

E-Z R

another one, gone, with the wind

original Goldberg

really old MLBer

Whirlybird

Grimaldi

mole maker

some actress with two first names

some actor with two first names

some swimsuit JFK lady

Camilla’s bro

Shadowfax!!!!!!

Frankie Valli & ‘The Four Seasons’
NYCB Theatre at Westbury
April 25th

If you’ve seen the musical Jersey Boys, you know the story of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons.  If you haven’t, you can join the rest of us this summer in theaters when Clint Eastwood gives it cinematic life.  If you can’t bother with either, try Delaware Fellas.  But if you don’t want any of that, I’ll tell you how it goes – four boys from Jersey meet under a streetlamp and then they’re like, hey, talk like a duck, and then one of them is like, NO – WALK LIKE A MAN!!!  Then another one is like, oh Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry.  And the rest be like, no, Sherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry!!  And then one is like small girls do cry, and then the others be like, no, BIG GIRLS, THEY DON’T CRY-YYYYYYYYYY.  That’s how all their songs came to be

Frankie Valli still lights the torch that is he and the Four Seasons.  The original seasoners have retired, so Valli hits the road these days with 4 young looking dudes doing all the background singing.  It’s fine, cause they are the background harmonizing to the awesomeness going on in the foreground – Frankie’s unique voice, which apparently can still hit them high notes, and melt ears.  Frankie and the fellas ran thru ALL the hits, and there are a TON.  He opened with his ‘Grease’ theme, and WORD, it was SLICK!!!  He also rocked him some 60s covers, like ‘Spanish Harlem’ and ‘Call Me’ (not the Blondie one).  And it was ALL RAWKIN, in a soft rawkin kinda way.  If you ever have the choice between seeing Jersey Boys or seeing the real thing, see the real thing

But the real star of the show?  The theater itself.  Never had been to NYCB Theatre at Westbury before, and this trip certainly won’t be my last.  It’s not an easy venue to get to from the city without a car, but it was WELL worth the journey.  The stage is in the round, which means every seat is a good one, as the performers on stage slowly rotate on a spinning floor!!!!  I had only seen one other show in the (sorta) round before, and it was Prince and it was glorious (although the shape was a cross, not a circle).  That was at a huge arena, but this Valli show was intimate.  The venue only seats 3,000, and let me tell you, there’s nothing like spending an intimate evening with 2,998 really old Long Islanders, listening to really old music, that still sounds really fcuking great

OMG – THE LEGEND IS TRUE – ATARI DID BURY E.T. CARTRIDGES IN A NEW MEXICAN LANDFILL!!!!!!!!

[via Meeses Pieces]

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wiki – Atari video game burial

Marge Schott by Bill Frakes for Sports Illustrated, April 25, 1996

 + this bonus one of Marge and her beloved dog Schottzie in 1990, by David Walberg