Thighs Wide Shut

Sassy and fussbudgety Om Puri and his Indian family flee India cause there was like some political fire or something that burned down their restaurant and his wife/their momma, and so they go here and there until their van breaks down in some French village, where they quickly open up an Indian restaurant – that will forever change everything – for them, the town, and the town’s reigning cooking mistress, and restaurant neighbor – the perma-frowny Helen Mirren. She is SO dang frowny, and sourpussy that they HAD to highlight it on the movie poster

Then again, Mirren makes that face in every movie she’s in. It’s her go to face, and I for one have had enuff of #MirrenFace

Well guess what happens?? One of the Indian kin – Manish Dayal – is a master chef in the making, and he is such a master chef in the making that not even the bitchy Helen Mirren can deny his talents, and so maybe JUSS MAYBE, she will stop being so cranky that she’ll take the spatula that’s stuck up her a$$ and start cooking things up with her enemy neighbors!!! And what about the Frenchy restaurant cutie patootie sous chef Charlotte Le Bon?? Will their be romance a simmering between her and the master chef in the making or will their yearning ambitions to become king/queen of the kitchen stand in the way of their syrupy soup of love????? OMG, YOU MUSS BE SWEATING WITH NERVES JUSS READING THIS REVIEW!!!!

Sure, the film starts off with a bang – focusing on his infamous run-in/away from the law, and sizzles the ears til its finish – with the actual recorded versions of Brown’s vocals and music pumpin loud, but by the end, the picture isn’t really complete. I was saying to myself, I know James Brown, but I don’t know anymore than I knew before I saw this here film. And tsk tsk for no nods to his time with The Blue Brothers (even if Dan Aykroyd is in the movie), or ‘Living In America’ for Rocky IV or being wasted on TV!!!

But but but but but, you wanna know what? Sure, the story is thin, but his music is THICK, and JB’s shtick shines on, in the soulful shoes of Chadwick Boseman. Boseman displayed quiet brilliance as Jackie Robinson in last year’s 42, and exudes beyond exudtion exuding in Get On Up (even if his JB accent sorta sounds like Casey Affleck and his annoying voice). The movie IS his performance (+ some excellent make-up work), and Boseman not only plays the man, he IS the MAN. He should play every prominent African-American figure of all thymes. They should remake Ray and see what he can do with it. Or they should make a movie where Jamie Foxxxx’s Ray Charles teams up with Boseman’s Brown to fight all the Marvel characters!!!

The supporting players are gifted actors – Nelsan Ellis, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer – but they aint the MAN like Boseman is, like James Brown is, like Boseman as Brown is is

You either know who Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons are or you don’t. If you don’t, you probably won’t care to see how they came together and overcame ‘adversity’ to make such sweet sweet music. You actually don’t need to know their story, since there isn’t much of one (unlike the life of James Brown), but the music is juss so darn good. I mean, my wife and I saw Frankie months back (HE’S STILL GOT IT!!!!), and the first dance at our wedding was to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’

When I first saw this movie, I was repelled and repulsed at juss how cheesy it was. Then weeks passed and I couldn’t stop thinking how great the movie was because it WAS ultra-cheesy. I was like, you juss to good to be true, can’t take my MIND OFF OF YOU AND YOUR OOOOOZY CHEESE!!!