never 5 get

Shannon Elizabeth at the 2001 MTV Movie Awards

+ Dick’s pole [SFW]

+ Scottish commentating legend says he was surprised to soundtrack Ewan McGregor’s Trainspotting orgasm

+ he makes love to Popeyes more than we do

+

Leonor Watling, still hot, still our girl

Peace Le Forks Out

to

Dame Elizabeth

‘Liz-bian’

Rosemond Taylor

1932 – 2011

mo mo mo pics!

Cracks
Dropping The Pieces
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

‘Cracks’! What a great great word, and a great great title for a movie.  We wanna say it over and over – CRACKS CRACKS CRACKS CRACKS!!!!  And we wanted to love the movie Cracks, and not cause it was helmed by Jordan ‘daughter of Ridley’ Scott, cause as well all know, nepotism does not rule, despite what you think of Francis Ford’s daughter.  Alas, Cracks has its own cracks, besides the ones it presents, and while it tries to piece together the pieces, it cannot and remains kinda Crack-potted.  Maybe that’s one of the reason’s this thing’s been sitting on America’s shelf for 2 years

Not for a lack of trying, cause Scott’s take on Sheila Kohler‘s novel is overloaded with green gorgeosity.  It takes place at a remote all girls boarding school, surrounded by some of the dang dere lusciousistest green nooks and crannies that Ireland has to offer.  And the film revolves around Eva Green, who’s the mos beautiful of all the world’s greens!!!!

As an artsy sorta fartsy teacher, Green inspires her girls (all of them so delightful, we’re gonna list their names: Juno Temple, Imogen Poots, Ellie Nunn, Adele McCann, Zoe Carroll and Clemmie Dugdale) in a Ms Jean Brodie/Robin Williams Poets Society kinda way, but when a beautiful Spanish senorita (María Valverde, so beautiful that we drops some pics of her below) is shipped off to the school and joins the class, she becomes the object of desire and despisement, to both pupil and mentor.  Hotness!!  Then things get a bit Notes On A Scandalish and a tad Lord of The Fliesness, but it doesn’t really fly.  Notness!  Green’s character has a checkered ‘cracked’ past, but we know so little about it that it never helps us fully understand her motivations and actions

Unfortunately, this class has to be dismissed!  Yes, even despite a scene of everyone doing a bit of nekkid nightswimming, cause nightswimming deserves a quiet night!!! Or a slightly butter realized movie?

She Reigns In Spain & EVERYWHERE: oh MARÍA!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Cracks kinda falls thru itself this Friday in NY & LA, elsewhere elsewhen and On-Demand 3/23

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

love da poster!

all smiles from Adrienne Corri…

…right before she’s about to get graphically raped onscreen by the intruding Droogs in A Clockwork Orange

bi the gay, how amazings is that house (aka the author’s ‘home‘) where Alex makes and gets into mad trouble!!!!

we’d so love to live there (btw, we hate rape!) or at least peek our heads inside to see what ever became of that there place

OH SNAP!

thanks to Neil Hall’s plummiest plum assignment

Looking for Stanley: Photographing Kubrick’s Film Locations

our prayers have been answered, as he got inside the home (aka the Skybreak House, in Radlett, Hertfordshire, England)!!!! and here she (doesn’t) blows!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wait, where are them crazy large light bulbs??!?!?!

apparently Roland Emmerich loves that their ‘home’ look too!

+ Horror’s Hallowed Grounds: A Clockwork Orange

& from our files – a not so simple goal in life accomplished: visit (some of) the shooting locations of A Clockwork Orange

Jane Eyre
The Fresh Wince of Belle Eyre
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

We’ve now sat through two of the 9.237362 bazillion film/TV incarnations of Charlotte Brontë‘s ‘classic’ novel Jane Eyre (which we haven’t read cause we don’t know how to read, yet somehow we magically know how to type words using this computer thingie!), and can now safely say we’re not the hugest fan of the story.  The story is about a girl named… JANE EYRE!!!!  She’s a little orphan (that doesn’t sing or wear red or have a dog or a giant blond fro), who’s been tossed around town like an unwanted bag of used socks covered in pickle juice and urine.  Eventually Ms Unwanted finds employment as a governess at the creepy Thornfield Hall (things go bump in the night there), where the enigmatic Mr Rochester rules the roost… if and when he’s around.  Jane and Rochester strike up something more than an employer/ee relationship, things get serious, things gets weird, Jane leaves, finds peace and salvation with a young clergyman and his sisters and then stuff, and more stuff, cause she can’t keep her mind off of Rochester!!!  Blindmowing, right???  Yeah, if this was maybe the first thing you ever did done saw on Masterpiece Theater!

And yet, we still dig on Ms Eyre.  Maybe cause there’s an air about Eyre.  HOW DARE WE PUN THE HEIR OF EYRE!!!  Anywho, the ’43 edish starring Joan Fontaine and Orson Welles wasn’t all that or thensome or even close to awesome, but we cared cause Joan as Jane with her groans and moans made us moan!  And yes, you know we love Orson, but he hammed it up more than a reunion of Jon Hamm’s family at a Hormel factory that we’re juss gonna have to pretend that he wasn’t in the movie!!!! Gawd hammit!!!!

Director Cary Fukunaga (Sin Nombre) and writer Moira Buffini‘s take on the material fairs munch better than the other one we saw (you tell us how they stack up against the book).  First and not foremost, we don’t hate on black & white pics (cause we’re old fashioned, like how we take our movies, burgers and women), but the color palette here shines udderly heaven-like, even when most of the colors are grays, but these grays glow with radiance!!  But we mainly care for this Eyre cause of the eggsalad acting chops and chemistry that exists between our new Jane, Mia Wasikowska (the next Streep??), and Mr Rochester, Michael Fassbender (he and Henry Cavill are gonna fight for studliest awesome European dude for years to come).  They sizzle together, even if there isn’t much onscreen sizzling to be had (damns yous 1800s!!!)!!!! Plus, they’re supported by the likes of Dame Judi Dench, Sally Hawkins, Jamie Bell and Simon McBurney (we could listen to his voice 25 hrs a day)!!!  Who doesn’t love those peoples???

Anywho part 23456677, yer either into stuffy British costume dramas or yer not.  If you are, inhale this Eyre!  And if yer not, well, stuff you!!!

Every Day’s A Holiday: when yer as fly as Holliday Grainger!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Jane is not plane tomorrow in NY/LA only and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…