Thighs Wide Shut

Arrival
More Talk, Less Rock
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 116 min

Aliens have arrived!  In pod shaped pods all over the globe!  But they don’t speak English or Russian or Chinese or any language with an alphabet.  So how can we communicate with them before we lose patience and destroy them????  

Enter linguist Amy Adams, Earth’s only hope at understanding what their inkblot Rorschach test writings are trying to tell us, so we can determine whether they are friend or foe!  But translating an unknown language is hard!  And takes time!  BUT WE DON’T HAVE TIME!!!  Military guy Forest Whitaker is growing weary by the second!!  CIA guy Michael Stuhlbarg is being a nebbishy pushy jew, pushing for non-Jewish results!!  The Chinese General Tzi Ma wants to blow them back to where they came from!  (maybe he should blow up all the Panda Expresses while we wait).  But Amy Adams has help – helpful and handsome Jeremy Renner!

Where it goes from there is thankfully non-conventional, a little lot bit Jodie Foster Contact, a little lot bit confusing, and somewhat somehow not fully satisfying (to me), but finishes as a nice looking little alien movie that gives us confidence that Denis Villeneuve can make a good Blade Runner sequel.  Long may you runner!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Arrival arrived at a theater near jews & white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Loving
If Loving You Is Wrong
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 123 min

Anyone can (basically) get married to anyone in this day & age!  Hooray humanity!

As you know, that was not always the case – not even that long ago, and for white folks marrying black folks, that was definitely not the case in some states of THESE United States of America only 49 years ago!  FORTY-NINE YEARS!?!?!?!??!!

Woah!  WTF USA???

But one Virginia couple’s interracial nuptials set the wrong finally right, when the state said FCUK NO to them, but the Supreme Court said, Virginia – FCUK YOU, and to the couple – FCUK YEAH!!! (and fcuk on, as you please)

The case - Loving v. Virginia – changed everything, but the Jeff Nichols‘ movie about the case and the Loving couple (what a perfect name, eh??) – Mildred (Ruth Negga) and Richard (Joel Edgerton), didn’t really change my world.  Yes, their story is worth telling, but I didn’t really LOVE it.  It was actually kind of boring.  And to be honest, I know the characters get married cause they love each other and they tell us that they love each other, but there didn’t seem to be much love going round in the movie.  Hanson once sang ‘Where’s The Love?  It’s Not Enough!’.  Dude, seriously, where’s the love?  And dude, where’s my czar?

The performances are fine and all - Edgerton keeps his bleached-blonde head down the entire time, and Negga‘s bright eyes are always smiling, not matter what heap of sh!t is heaped upon them, but neither are worth writing home about.  When I wrote my mom a letter after seeing movie, I didn’t even mention their performances!!  

And look, I like seeing comedians in dramatic roles, but Nick Kroll, as a novice lawyer helping the couple, was more distracting than helpful.  He seemed to mold his character and acting style based on the ‘I think he stole his wallet‘ guy from Back To The Future II  – Lester!  And if you’ve seen BTTF2, you know that’s not a compliment

Verdictgo: high end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Loving has a thin heartbeat a theater near jews & white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Hacksaw Ridge
Have No Gun – Will Travel
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 139 min

Sadly this movie is not about Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Luckily it is about a different kind of an American hero – a REAL American hero… Desmond T Doss!

Doss was a dude who fought in WWII… WITHOUT FIGHTING!!! OR EVEN TOUCHING A GUN!!!  This is a true story!!!!  And Mr All(White)-American Mel Gibson tells the story the only way he knows how – blood & guts + hope & faith.  Mel, never change.  NEVER!  OK, change, but don’t

Doss (Andrew Garfield, plus himself) didn’t believe in violence, mainly cause he hurt his brother as a kid, and had a drunk abusive dad (Hugo Weaving, looking A LOT like Homer Simpson… ok it’s a stretch, but I really thought he looked like Homer in this movie)

But MS-Doss REALLY wanted to help the war effort, without the warring part, and so he enlisted in the army, while trying to remain a pacifist.  Obviously the Army wasn’t having any of this sh!t, and his commanding officers (a not awful Vince Vaughn, and Sam Worthington) basically make him eat sh!t and try to get him to quit, but there aint no quit in Doss, and so Doss goes to war as a medic with no weapon

And guess what – all those who doubted him – don’t doubt him no more when he starts saving their lives on the battlefield!

What a story!  But the movie itself wasn’t anything extraordinary, kinda ordinary actually.  Not bad, but not blammmazing.  Still, I’m glad I saw it on Veteran’s Day, and then ate a cheeseburger afterwards.  I am no hero, but I am All-American, and all for America!!! 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMrpkeSj9ls/

Eyes Before Thighs: I’m not much of a blue-eyed guy, but Teresa Palmer‘s peepers made me jeepers all over!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hacksaw Ridge is currently playing at a theater near jews & white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Doctor Strange
Mind Over Marvel
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

Prior to seeing this movie – this is what I knew about the comic book character Doctor Strange… nothing!  Well, I knew what he looked like, and figured he was guy who had a doctorate in something, but I didn’t even know if he was a good guy or a bad guy or even if he was a Marvel or a DC character.  Well, after watching his origin story – I now know who Doctor Strange is, and what he’s all about, and how I want nothing more than 894391293193 more Doctor Strange movies starring Benedict Cumberbatch.  BENEFCUKINGDICT CUMBERSNATCH!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT!!!

But, I only want to see Benedict Cumberbatch do his Strange things – solo, and not alongside the Hulk or Spidey or Captain America or Iron Man or Ironweed or Scarlet Fever or Hawkeye Pierce or Trapper John MD.  While I like SOME Marvel movies, I’m sick and tired of the crossovers and seeing the same dudes over and over and over and under and over, and not doing anything really new, or interesting, or newly interesting.  This Doctor Strange movie felt different from the rest of those Marvel movies, from tone (it was like a real movie!), and to universe (more mystical, less comic-al).  What goes on feels miles away from all that Avengers jazz, which to me, is juss a bunch of loud noises.  While the Avengers dudes destroy buildings, the Doctor Strange folks bend and fold buildings!!!

I’ll take bending/folding buildings over destroying them 9999999999999 out of 9999999999999 times

This movie was cooler and made more sense than the other building bending/folding movie – Inception.  EAT THAT CHRISTOPHER NOLAN!!!!

So, what more do you need to know besides Cumberbendi and bendi-buildings?  Mads Mikkelsen is the sh!t?  If you didn’t know that already, you SADS Mikkelsen!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Doctor Strange plays at a normal theater near you

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Tower
Rifiling With Rotoscoping
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
Not Rated | 82 min

I do not condone murder, but I cannot help but be fascinated by murderers (and their victims).  If you’ve read this site before, you know that (I’m insane) David Fincher’s Zodiac is my everything (that isn’t fried chicken, the Nationals, or my wife), so a documentary about the 1966 University of Texas Tower Shooting was totally gonna be up my alley, and up my butt – and it totally ended up being so/both!

In 82 measly (un)easy minutes, Keith Maitland‘s Tower lets the victims tell their stories from that day, and beyond.  From historical records and new interviews, Maitland took their testimonial transcripts and recreated the tragedy by rotoscoping actors and pairing it with whatever existing footage exists into a dreamy nightmare documentary that instills fear and thrills, but also inspires hope and peace

Normally the murderer is the one who gets the most attention in any filmed infotainment about murderers, but Charles Whitman’s name barely gets a mention by the time the films wraps, and while I was wondering about the who/what/when/where/how/why about Whitman the entire time, I actually didn’t mind ending up not knowing anything about him at all.  He set the event in motion, but he’s not important

This doc is important

Most folks know little of this event, but hopefully that will no longer be the case if one checks out one the most essential films of 2016!  EAT THAT ALL OTHER 2016 MOVIES!!!

Sadly, history has repeated itself many times since this event, but maybe we can learn from the past mistakes of others.  What a TOWERing achievement that would be

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Tower is very tall, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…