Thighs Wide Shut

Picasso and Braque
Go to the Movies
Gleaming The Cubism
Official Website

Drawing direct comparisons and correlations between two art forms is always a tricky venture.  In college, we wrote a paper about how the architecture of Le Corbusier stacked up against the painters of his time.  It was virtually impossible to find a straight relationship between any of it, and our low grade was a solid confirmation of juss how difficult it is to do.  That did not stop Arne Glimcher from trying, as his hour long doc Picasso and Braque Go to the Movies attempts to find the link between early cinema (and aviation?) and the birth of Cubism.  Martin Scorsese, Chuck Close, Julian Schnabel and numerous others add to the conversation, but in the end, the only conclusions one can draw are that ye olde movies were magical and revolutionary, and the paintings of Pablo and Georges are still stuff to marvel at.  Isn’t this already common knowledge?  Yer better off watching a separate doc on Thomas Edison and The Lumière Bros’ contributions to their art form, and another that examines Picasso and Braque’s avant-garde art movement.  Art snooze-o!

What The Fudge?: crazy lady talks about Martin Scorsese and her painting of him

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Picasso & Braque go broke in NY only today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Micmacs (À Tire-Larigot)
A Very Overdone Estrangement
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Remember how whimsical and cute, yet a lil too cutesy Jean-Pierre Jeunet‘s Amélie was? And then when J-PJ branched out a bit and got all somber and lovey dovey and WWI and shiz on us with A Very Long Engagement? And then what? Another 5 years passed and apparently he decided to merge the two flicks into one, a sorta Amélie with guns, goons and circus performers, as seen in his latest, Micmacs à Tire-Larigot. The title, with the last part chopped for the American release, means ‘non-stop madness’, and that aint no lie or a stretch for this unique writer/director, but we kinda wish the madness stopped every once and awhile, cause there’s only so much madness a viewer can take in one sitting, especially if it’s French madness!

So why so mad about the madness? Cause we said so. And a story about an orphaned and bullet lodged in the brain man (Dany Boon) getting revenge on the people responsible for his orphaning and bullet being lodged in the brain, with the help of a bunch of over-the-top misfits (Jeunet odd-ball regular Dominique Pinon, human pretzel Julie Ferrier, mousy Michel Crémadès, eye-poppin Marie-Julie Baup, etc), should totally be the knees bees! And it wasn’t! Somehow! How? Don’t know! Actually, we do know. Ever see a Terry Gilliam movie in the past decade? High concepts, banana visuals, and a whole lot of fun nonsense? All present here, and just like a Gilliam movie, it adds up to be one giant headache, although Micmacs is more of a sugary one, so a bit easier to digest

Maybe the missing ingredient for Jeunet is his former co-directing buddy Marc Caro or their writer Gilles Adrien. Delicatessen or The City of Lost Children anyone? Yeah, those were the forkin shaz!! Who wouldn’t want to dine out at orroam them streets again? So where does Jeunet go from here? Probably somewhere fanciful, and if so, he could be running himself close to fanci-empty

Summary of All Fears: Micmacs was like watching the incredible first three and a half minutes of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, over and over and over and over and over and over. It’s like you’re unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting…

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Micmacs opens in NY only on Friday and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Death At A Funeral
Dwarfed By The Original
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Did you see Frank Oz’s Death At A Funeral?  If not, then you missed out one of the funniest films we’ve seen over the last decade, and if you know our history with modern comedies, you know we don’t throw around accolades like that very often.  And so, if you haven’t seen it, you must mus mustt musss musssk, especially if yer ever contemplating seeing the blackified remake (directed by white guy Neil LaBute) first

So what’s the difference between the two?  Nothing glaring, cept this capable cast, including Chris Rock (dude loves remakes), Tracy Morgan (more please!), Martin Lawrence (he so cra-zay!) , James Marsden (valiant try, but he’s no Alan Tudyk), Zoë Saldaña (more annoying here than hot), Keith David (not David Keith), Danny Glover (never too old for any shit, including taking one on screen), Luke Wilson (guess there was a break in his AT&T commercial shooting schedule) and Columbus Short (a poor or rich man’s Cuba Gooding Jr?), can’t deliver the funny quite like their British counterparts done did.  Therefore this film is completely unnecessary, herspecially considering that the original only came out 3 years ago.  Peter Dinklage is the only soul who got to reprise his meaty role, and if any goodness can be gleaned from this pointless remake, hopefully it was a big paycheck for a job well done for doing the same job twice

Hall Pass: Regina Hall is beyond thighlarious (see the Scary Movie movies for proof, even if the first two were duds), but we never thought about how fly she was until we started to think about how fly she is!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Death At A Funeral is currently not as good as the original at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Good Heart
Bar None
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

The Good Heart is a European-tinged American movie made by a European (Dagur Kári), but would have probably worked a lot better had it been a European-tinged European movie made by anyone but an American.  Translation: The Good Heart is neither the, good, or hearty on these here shores.  What it is is one fine Euro-fied American mess and a giant waste of the re-pairing of Brian Cox and Paul Dano, who first tangoed so well together in the tuff L.I.E. We usually lay blame of a film’s failure to work on the director and/or writer, and while Kári, who acts as both here, deserves a lot of the discredit, especially with his beyond obvious finale, the main repellent is the usual money bags mcgee Cox.  Given too much curmudgeony duty as a crusty and musty ole barkeep, for apprentice Dano to absorb his barbs like a bored brick wall, Cox sucks balls!!  No wonder they give Andy Rooney only a few minutes cause any more than that would be purge overkilll!!  Also, any movie that kills a cat by way of hanging, with no whyme or reason deserves to be hung out to dry

Thighs Wide Nottie: Isild Le Besco‘s the film’s hottie.  if we don’t bother plastering her face and rack on this site, than she is no hottie #fact

Verdictgo: we liked how the film looked, juss not much else, so a very loooow Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Heart goes pitter-splatter in NY/LA only tomorrow, but already avails on VOD, Amazon, X-Box, Ps3 and other stuffs

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Hot Tub Time Machine
It Lame From The 80s
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

We might be the last person on earth to see Hot Tub Time Machine, but also might be the first to call bullshit on it.  Why?  Two things: it’s about as 80s as Justin Bieber and about as hilarious as From Justin To Kelly (although that hovercraft scene was amazing!!!).  Wrong you say.  Hilarious you spray.  Poop, pee and jizz jokes?  Forgot how sharp they can be!  Waiting for a guy (Crispin Glover, wasted yet again) to lose his arm in clumsy situations that not even Harold Lloyd would bother with?  Zing!   Hey, look, it’s Chevy Chase not making sense!  Guess no one watches Community, where he does that every week, and munch better, and so are the show’s 80s references.  Well, what about Rob Corddry?  Oh no, he’s not annoying one bit!  And by bit, we mean annoying as SHIT.  Seriously folks, what’s the big deal here?  All premise, some promise, no permanence. You want a throw yerself back into the glory John Cusack days?  Watch Better Off Dead or even it’s younger brother One Crazy Summer, which are both more rad than this one lazy bummer

Zabka!!!!:  only thing worth noting here is the ‘introduction’ (as it appears in the credits) of the leg sweeper William Zabka!!!  peep this Retrocrush interview with the Academy Award nominee (yes, you read that correctly)

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

HTTM is currently lukewarm at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…