I love New York, and so do you. If we didn’t, what kinda persons would we be? Maybe persons who are lamer than people who owned a LeCar? Speaking of things French, I love Paris, and you do too! And if you didn’t then obviously you’ve never been to the Musée d’Orsay. So many people loved Paris that they made a movie consisting of many short movies professing this love and the love that can be found within, aptly named Paris, Je T’Aime. As planned, New York was up next, same deal, but not same result. Je T’Aime was filled with half goodies and half whatevs.net, but all in all it still maintained our interest throughout. The hit to miss ratio (STILL not the same as comparing Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks) for New York, I Love You is much munch lower. And how could it not be when Paris had directors like Tom Twyker, the Coen Bros, Alexander Payne, Olivier Assayas, Wes Craven, Gus Van Sant, et al, and NY got stuck with Brett Ratner(!!!), Allen Hughes, and second-time short maker Natalie Portman (Scar Jo’s entry didn’t make the final cut). The large NY cast may be a bit mo namey than the City of Light’s joint (Shia LaBeouf, Bradley Cooper, Natalie Portman, Orlando Bloom, Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson, Robin Wright Penn, Drea de Matteo, Ethan Hawke, Olivia Thirlby, John Hurt, James Caan, Chris Cooper, Anton Yelchin, Maggie Q, Andy Garcia, Julie Christie, Cloris Leachman, Eli Wallach, Burt Young and Irrfan Khan), but pretty faces cannot mask the not so pretty underneathages. And burst of all, the stories themselves don’t really feel very New Yorkie. If Woody/Coppola/Scorsese couldn’t make New York Stories work, how could 10+ directors with not as much skill do one or 10 better?
Love Is Never Having To Say You Play Sorry: what do we love most about NY? there’s too many wondrous thangs from the food, to all dem movies to the pot delievery service to choose juss one, so how about the wurstest??? hands AND thighs down – summer sweating on the subway platform. sure, it’s nice not to own a car and deal with all that crap, but endless cases of swamp a$$ shouldn’t be the reward for being more green than the rest of you folks
Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
NY, I Heart You opens in limited release today
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
Illustration Art: Maps, via various places & con dios
We haven’t read a single word of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight book series, but after all the hype, hoopla and hullabaloo that oozes from it and the mammoth box office bucks earned from its subsequent film release, how could we not jump in and see what all the hot fuss is all about? And based off of our mos enjoyable experience with the cinematic equivalent, we may have to revisit and revise our first statement… if only we had time to, somewhere in between the 5 weekly magazines subscriptions we never get thru every 7 days (Time, Time Out NY, New York, EW and SI… luckily Latin Inches and Highlights aint weekly reads!!!). Then again, we may not want to since it’s sometimes nice to be sirprized when you don’t know what lies in the characters’ futures (same thing we’re doing w/Harry Potter, although the movies can never capture the all too many goings on goings on in the novels). Guess we’ll have to avoid this graffiti spoiler-filled poster at the 23rd Street–Ely Avenue E/V subway station then, eh?
For those not in the know, Twilight covers a lot of the same ground that HBO’s True Blood does, where our innocent young heroine (here Kristen Stewart, in her best, least annoying role yet) falls for a forever young vamp beefcake (Harry Potter & The Goblet of Hotness‘ Robert Pattinson), who’s trying to keep the lady safe from danger (with a lotta help from his pasty-white family, led by Jennie Garth‘s hubby Peter Facinelli), especially from other blood lusty vamps (that slimy troublemaker Volchok dude from The OC!) including himself. Spankfully, Twilight is free of True Blood‘s funny accents (which are starting to make our blood boil more than those endless ‘saved by 0%‘ ads), and cause it’s aimed at the hearts of younger girls, there aint no gratuitous violence/sex to be found. It was a wise move that they hired Catherine Hardwicke to helm this mother, cause she’s a proven pro at playing with the emotions that come with tough young love. If you’ve seen her Thirteen yous knows what we speak of (+ yer also probably having second thoughts about having children). She may not hit toothy vampire home runs (even with the odd scene where the vamp fam plays ball) like Joel Schumacher did with The Lost Boys (one of his only good movies, EVER), but her steady holding-handiwork with the misfits kids gettin all gooey-eyed makes this one of better teen flicks to come out in some years, so eat that Nick and Norah and your infinite lameness!
Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Wait, there’s another film out there about love and vampires? Yeppers, but this one’s even morerer differenter than the others cause it’s about kids, IN SWEDEN!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah! Let The Right One In only gots one vampire in it, a little girl (Lina Leandersson), and when she moves into a new apartment complex, her thirst for blood starts making the neighbors disappear and our lil lonely protagonist’s (Kåre Hedebrant) heart grow founder. The film, outside of this one crazy cool scene with a person ablaze, moves at a snail’s pace and all the vampy feeding time stuff kinda gets in the way of what works best, focusing in on the boy’s solitude and the kids that bully him. His blossoming relationship with the little girl is mos certainly touching, but the whole enchilada coulda had more bang for its buck had it played out with less fang
Verdictgo: low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Twilight and Let The Right One In are already playing in theaters, but if yer sick of the vamps, juss stay home and watch Horace scream about Wolfman’s nards
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…