Thighs Wide Shut

as long as there have been video games, there have been movie spin-offs into crappy video games. Although not the first, Atari’s E.T. could be the wurst. So effin bad that millions of its unsold cartridges lie in some New Mexico landfill. But were not here today to talk about Drew Barrymore’s adolescent coke buddy or whatever became of the company that in Japanese is loosely translated to ‘prepare to be attacked‘. Wees here to celebrate the awfulnessnesnessss of all the movies that were shamefully turned into Nintendo 8-bit NES cartridges. And spanks to YouTube and the dedication of some very angry gamers (some of their commentaries border on geniusnessness, and maybe even Canada), we’re puttin on display how sum of these shitastic games end. Some of them are so coughful that E.T. may be able to finally rust in (reese’s) peaces

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Willow

&
for the ending
I bet more people saw on NES
than in theaters…

Hudson Hawk

here are sum udder YouTubenessies
for movies that became NES games
but we couldn’t find the endings fo…

Alien³
Bill and Teds Excellent Video Game
Conan
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Days of Thunder
Hunt for Red October
Jurassic Park
Last Action Hero
Last Starfighter
Lethal Weapon
Mad Max
Platoon
Rocketeer
Terminator
Total Recall
The Untouchables
Wayne’s World
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

these I couldn’t find any love fo

Cliffhanger
Cool World
Darkman

&

here be sum games
that were on the sched
to be made
but were cancelled

Hellraiser
Police Academy
Rocky
& video hactually exists for this one…
Star Trek V

and although not hailin from movies
these games almost made it
into the houses of tens of hundreds!

Married With Children
New Kids On The Block
Vanilla Ice
&
Twin Peaks!?@!?#!@

Now you’re playing with power!!

and now you should look at our
Thighs Wide NES Hall of Fame
which one of the above games actually got inducted to!

+ don’t fo’get
u can play most of the games online HERE!

The Ten
Unlike Spinal Tap’s Amps, This One Doesn’t Go To Eleven
Trailers & Mo

What if I told you that there’s a film starring Jessica Alba, Adam Brody, Bobby Cannavale, Paul Rudd, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, Rob Corddry, Winona Ryder, Liev Schreiber, Oliver Platt, Ron Silver, Justin Theroux, the entire cast of The State (sans Michael Patrick Jann), and it’s written and directed by the dude that gave us Wet Hot American Summer (yeah, I know he was in The State, so shut the front door!)? With a power line-up like that (maybe 2nd best to the NL All-Star team on RBI Baseball), you’d say how could this not be the comedy feast of the year? I was spraying the same thing to myself, going into a screening of The Ten, a set of sorta-intertwining sketches about the ten commandments, like Kieslowski’s Dekalog, cept their ‘version is much shorter and (mostly) does not take place in Polish apartment building.’ That line was taken from the press notes bit entitled Ten Things You Need To Know About The Ten, which sadly, is almost funnier than the entire movie. Not to say that The Ten doesn’t have it’s moments (Wynona Rider! Stealing! A ventriloquist’s dummy! AND having sex with it!), but all around, it’s just not as funny as it could have been. Where Paris, Je T’Aime [TWS review]’s vignettes had an even hits to misses ratio, The Ten could only wish it could break even. Maybe Gawd shoulda added an 11th commandment: thou shall not waste a golden opportunity to make one fargin beerlarious movie. Amen and awomen!

I Command You: to rewatch Mel Brooks as Moses deliver us some helpful tablets

10 Things I Hate About Bo Derek: dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows & dem cornrows… wait, how’d those last two get in there?

1 Thing I Don’t Hate About Bo Derek: when she gets all NSFW on us!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But Not Stinkin Badges

The Ten opens in limited theaters tomorrow and elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Yaphet Kotto, secret Jew AND almost Lando Calrissian?

Where Daft Punk got their samples from [the often NSFW VOXEFX]

Zach Braff’s 10 Easy Tips for Writing Films About Twenty-Somethings®

screencaps galore of Katherine Heigl on Roswell

fartsy artsy Ratatouille posters

she WINSteads all the time!

[Sup Pics]

Uncle Ben, CEO? A slideshow of racist spokespeoples

the gayest Mola Ram-George Lucas picture mt EVERest

[Twister Duvet]

President Jimmy Carter and the ‘killer rabbit’ [S-Dope]

SI‘s Bestest Athletes by Number: 00-31, 32-65 & 66-99… wonder how Jeter feels being beat out by a horse!

I’ll have the hot pastrami please

Nuts Mag Gives You A-Z Babes/Boobies [Boobie Blog, all NSFW]

Спорт

&, is it foo-ball season yet or juss COX blocking season?

[Fanball]

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mos slurptastic noodle advertising mt EVERest and mt rushmore!

80s Mall Arcade Training Tape

amazing sculptures made from Oranges

Charlotte Gainsbourg‘s ‘The Songs That We Sing’ [d]

NSFW JO matz that only a watermelon munchin’ Hitler could love

the sh&tty animated GIF HOF

which does not include, natch…

Is there a difference between Tracy Morgan & Tracy Jordan?

•

remembering Nintendo Power mag’s debut… dude, Rygar was robbed in the player’s poll!!

Norman Chad’s describes a typical Pete Rose day… it takes one gambler to know another, and remember kids, you gots to know when to hold them, know when to fold themm, know when to walk away and yes, know when to run

Angela & Pam, off-screen BFFs… who doesn’t love when women touch bras and panties AND things?!

The 50 Greatest Local TV Commercials (That I Could Find on YouTube)… I know tits bona fide cause look what came in at #50!

Eat at Azamat’s… is it any good? and does one have to watch out for hairs in their sangwiches?

Top 10 Other Things that Han Shot that Didn’t Shoot at Him First & The Greedo Assassination Conspiracy Page… wonder if Greedo shot JR and Agt Cooper? And wonder which one of yous is gonna buy me this HOTT arsed shirt?

Nice (Wine) Rack!… that’s what I said!

yes, spanks for not askin, but we still do love our current Royal Thighness, Ms Watling…