Thighs Wide Shut

Crazy Rich Asians
Can’t Buy Me Love or Entertainment
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 121 min

I didn’t read the book Crazy Rich Asians (I’m into non-fiction, not made up malarkey), but I always like a good love story, and the one between Rachel Chu (Constance Wu) and Nick Young (Henry Golding) is a good enuff love story, albeit a pretty typical one (commoner finds a prince, who so happens to be crazy rich, so differences must be overcome – AND THEY DO!)

But the rest of the movie?  Pomp(us) and circumstance that is Baz Luhrmann-Gatsby-esque, but is hardly AS fun, and sadly, zero funny, which is what the movie sorely needed.  Sure, there’s ‘comic relief’, in the form of a raunchy playboy (‘Silicon Valley’s Jimmy O. Yang), Rachel’s BFF (Awkwafina), and her BFF’s dad (Ken Jeong), but nothing comes across as comical or a relief (which is not hard to believe, considering how un-funny Ken Jeong is) 

All we get is cartoony side characters who hardly make a mark, and worse, a yawn-y ‘evil’ mother (Michelle Yeoh) with stares more icy than these icy stairs.  You can’t please her!  And in turn, the movie didn’t really please me 

It’s a hard to believe that Jon M. Chu, who directed both the THIGHly entertaining Step Up 2 The Streets AND Step Up 3D, couldn’t make and shake and bake moves with this material.  It’s not really rich material to begin with (we need more Joy Luck Clubs, and less of this), but I’ve seen more entertaining Hallmark movies with 1/128929292929th the budget

Count me out for the sequel.  I’ll stick with the original crazy rich Asians…

Verdictgo: the lowest Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges possible

Rich Asians are pretty mild at a theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

there’s no such thang as ‘too much of a good thing’, herspecially when it comes to Bloomington, Indiana, one of our moist flavorite America Earth cities period! we were juss there this past Februrarary, and for even more zits & tiggles, we decided to go back there this past tweakend, and here’s some pictures we want to share with you, cause Sharon is Karen… whoever they is

you’d be sirprized

ranch sauce was dipped and dranken by the a$$load, but the amount of ranch farts emitted was way down on this trip. that ALMOS makes it an unsuccessful trip. ALMOS!!!

for some reason, Mickey’s beyond fine malt liquor isn’t sold in NYC

cause probably NYC isn’t a place where only white people live [DATS RACIST!!]

this is what bathrooms looked like in the 50s

and apparently still today!!!

lets be serious for a second…

sh#t is f#$ked up

OK, back to not being serious…

and on to being sauceyist for an eternity!!!

this is so confusing

balls on both ends?

we branched out on this trip & even tried a new ‘za joint

Mother Bear’s = mother BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

this is gotta be some sorta copyright issue

or juss plain copyWRONG!!

kill we now

or someone juss kill Ken Jeong-Ill instead

if only all athletes looked like Rollie Fingers

if only we looked like Rollie Fingers

oh cool! a game where you can win candy!!

or you could juss go to a store and buy candy for $1!!!

gotta love the Hinkle

cept it wasn’t open, so no peek or tinkle inside

so, when are we next goin’ back to Indiana like the J5?

The Hangover Part II
Hung Out, Too Dry
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 102  min

The Hangover I was purty darns good (remember kids, we usually don’t say such nice things about modern comedies!).  Its sequel, not at all.  It’s one thing to repeat the entire plot (in a new, more exotic setting!!!), but it’s another to not come through on the only thing that matters – jokes that cause laughter.  Don’t know if the script was rushed into being, or perhaps the writers (Craig Mazin and Scot Armstrong, along with director Todd Phillips) honestly thought that they had constructed something truly hilarious, but the only souls laughing here are the studio heads, all the way to the bank with the buckoo-bucks we handed over to them for this uninspired and tired effort.  Who’s game for a third one?  Probably everyone but the audience!!

You know your comedy doesn’t work if you can’t make any use of Zach Galifianakis‘ talent.  Wonder what Zachy thinks of the script, especially since this material is 9 feet beneath him + the fact that he sorta hates the hand that feeds him.  It’s not like the acting is bad (Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms do what is asked of them), well, unless we’re talking about the ‘acting’ of half note ‘actor’ Ken Jeong (who makes awful novice Mason Lee look like Charlton Heston), and the direction is fine (it does resemble a thing that we call a movie), but 1nce again, it comes down to this – THERE ARE NO LAUGHS.  Well, that’s not not entirely true.  There were probably 2 of them (‘K’ as in knife, is one of them), and of course none came from the tongues of Ken Jeong, poor bland Justin Bartha, a wasted Paul Giamatti, or that smoking monkey that’s suppose to be hilarious cause it’s a monkey that smokes!!  Ha, ha, ha.  So funny that we forgot to laugh

Hangover 10: Kim Lee

not to be confused with Lee Kim

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

be a teetotaler and stay away from yer local theater showing The Hangover II

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…