Thighs Wide Shut

Warrior
The Pity of Brotherly Hate
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 140 min

The trailer looked awful.  It has a British bloke (Tom Hardy) and an Australian mate (Joel Edgerton) doing Baaaaahston accents in a movie that takes place in Pennsylvania.  Nick Nolte is only allowed to yell in maybe 2 or 3 scenes.  It’s about one of the dumbest sports in the world – robot boxing mixed martial arts.  This movie has ‘we don’t want to see it whatsoever‘ tattooed all over it.  Wellllllll, what we juss said can all be found within Warrior, and YET, despite all of that lamefoolery, it is nearly impossible to root against Gavin O’Connor‘s Miracle in a cage.  Give it a fighting chance and you may walk away thinking it’s a winner.  It is, even if it’s as pedestrian as a bunch of pedestrians crossing over a pedestrian crossing.  But who cares what accents Bronson and Uncle Owen are misappropriating? Those guys are awesome!!  And they play brothers!!!  Who have to beat the crap out of each other for money, and honor, and money!!!  And their dad is Nick Nolte!!!!  And Nick Notle is THE BEST!!!!!!  WARRIOR!!!!!!  GRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Hottie By Default: Jennifer Morrison‘s been in stuff before, but we’ve never taken notice, but being the only woman in a movie with nothing but sweaty dudes sweating makes you like mad super hottier than you normally is, cause if she was an un-sweaty woman in a movie filled with sweaty women, we’d probably still not take notice of her.  congrats JM, you are now an official TWS Film Hottie!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers 

Warrior comes out to play at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Debt
Paid In Mostly Half-Full
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 114 min

If Ciarán Hinds is in a movie, we will want to see it, and odds are that the movie will be at least decent.  So what if a movie barely has Hinds in it?  Decency is still possible, and John Madden‘s The Debt, a remake of (what we are assuming is a far superior) 2007 Israeli film, is pretty darn decent stuff.  A little poor in execution-ville, and plenty poor in climax-land, The Debt still had enough going for it to cash in its IOU.  It’s kinda like a ghetto Munich meets The Boys From Brazil.  And even ghettoizations of those revenge on Jewish boogeymen flicks is still something of interest, cause who doesn’t love watching Jewish enemies get their due????  (hactually, we wondered if Hollywood would EVER make a film where Muslims hunted down their enemies who have wronged them.  the conclusion we came to is probably never)

And if hunting Nazis in a non-over-the-top Tarantino kinda way isn’t your cup of tea, well, you can at least revel in the unexpected hilarity of Sam Worthington ‘trying’ on an Israeli accent for size.  Eeeesh!!  The guy’s got a face for cinema and a mouth for duct tape.  Man oh man!  At least they surrounded him with some class act(or)s like (underrated) Marton Csokas and (I’ve been everywhere this summer) Jessica Chastain.  In modern day times, Hinds is Worthington (even though he looks more like Csokas), Tom Wilkinson is Csokas, and Helen Mirren is Chastain in the membrane

So the modern stuff is where we begin.  The trio are far removed from their Mossad agent days and each other, cause they’re harboring some kinda secret.  But when we get shuttled to the past, which is the juicy bulk of the film, when the 2 dudes and redheaded hottie hunt down and capture a Josef Mengele-type jackass (Jesper Christensen).  Things don’t go right, but maybe they do, but not really, cause there’s a DEBT that has to be paid or like finished or something, which leads to the ending that has promise and kinda comes up empty, but it’s kinda satisfying, enough, sorta

Hey, did we mention that Ciarán Hinds is in it???

Hinds Wins: oh, you know nothing of Hinds and want to play ketchup?  See him in Rome, Munich, Veronica Guerin, Life During War Time AND mos def The Eclipse

Verdictgo: a mild Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Debt is cash sorta money, but not really, but kinda, today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Devil’s Double
Go Ahead, Make Me Uday 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 109 min

Uday Hussein grew up rich and infamous, under the tyrannical house of Saddam, which pretty much gave him an unusual license to do as he pleased in Iraq.  And what he pleased to do turned out to be horrific and unspeakable things to his enemies, his fellow countrymen, and even to his friends.  This made him someone not to be messed with, but also a ticking time bomb waiting to explode or to be exploded.  Many people in such a volatile position (like his father) seek out body doubles, for there is safety in numbers.  Such was the unlucky luck of Latif Yahia, a former classmate of Uday’s, who juss so happened to resemble him, and had no real choice but to sign up for the one of the worst gigs around – being his… DOUBLE!

WELCOME to Lee Tamahori‘s The Devil’s Double, a shocking, yet wholeheartedly fascinating and entertaning look at Latif’s life as Uday II. Doubling our pleasure is Dominic Cooper, who not only is carrying a movie for the very first time, but is carrying it twice, as he plays both Uday and Latif (he even looks like Latif, see below)!!!  Cooper beyond pulls off the dual roles, handing in two fantastic performances that are as varied as the men themselves.  Making it all believable is the film tech-mology that lets Coop act out with and against himself in scene after scene.  That tech-mology is basically the third star of the film (apologies to the lovely Ludivine Sagnier).  To hell with body switching, and to heaven with body doubling!!!!

The devil is in the details, and Double‘s got em, but sometimes the lack of time context, and the Hollywoodizing of Latif’s story stand in the way of this becoming a truly excellent flick.  Still, it’s not often you get a Caligula meets Dave meets Scarface in the desert, with more mustaches than one could ever dream of.  Wait, do people dream of endless mustaches????

We Want To Join AA: this AA!!

Amrita Acharia

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEFFFFFF Worth A Peepers

Devil is hell on a screen, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Final Destination 5
We Hope This Series Is More Neverending Than It Is Final
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 92 min

Dude, if we can drag our parents to the 5th installment of some cruddy, but totally wicked fun & thighlarious horror movie, and have them both walking out with nothing but nice things to say about it, well, then that’s pretty much all we need to say, and all you need to know about how rocking Final Destination 5 was/is

We would also like to add that the full circle ending was genius species

We would also like to add that Miles Fisher is to Adam Scott, what Adam Scott is to Tom Cruise.  We wouldn’t be sirprized to learn that they are all the same person

Destination Weddings For Us:

Jacqueline MacInnes Wood

Emma Bell

Chasty Ballesteros

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Final Destination is reved up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
The Found Link
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 105 min

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is by far the scariest of all the 7 Apes movie (Tim Burton’s mistake was scary for a different reason), and maybe even the third best ever, after the orginal and Escape from the Planet of the Apes.  YES!!!!!  This is how a prequel should be done – add to the series (it’s like Conquest, but done betterer), not take away from it (Hannibal Rising) or add nothing new (X-Men: First Class) or juss be plain insulting (Star Wars, cough, cough)

The storyline wasn’t overly complicated, and the direction (by Rupert Wyatt) was good enough, but what makes this Apes rise high is the quality caliber of acting put on display, by the humans (James Franco, John Lithgow, and from the little that Freida Pinto, David Oyelowo, Brian Cox and Tom Felton get to do) and by the humans who were motion captured to pretty close perfection as CGI chimps (Andy Serkis, the king of kong and all other creatures who aren’t really there).  If you watch the originals, they feel kinda cheesy, and we’re not just talking about the ape masks.  When you watch this one, cheese is nowhere to be found

We dug Apes cause we could believe the apes.  Not their cause (although animal cruelty does suck though, right Nim?), but that they were really apes, aping up more feelings than juss wanting a banana.  CGI shiz is still not eggzactly where it needs to be (neither is the internet, so nobody’s perfect… yet), but we’ll take this Planet‘s fake terrain over most other CGI clusterfudges of the past few years

All hail Caesar, and hopefully for many movies to come!

The GrApe Escape: there’s no denying how yumcredbile the original Apes is, but Escape from the Planet of the Apes may be the most fun.  watch why!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Worth A Peepers

Apes is pre-cool at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…