Keanu
Key and A-Peele-ing
Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

You like Key (Keegan-Michael Key) and Peele (Jordan Peele)?  Kittens?  Comedy?  Keanu Reeves?  Movies slightly over 90 minutes?  If you answer ‘yes’ to all of these questions, you are a human being living on planet earth.  If you answer ‘no’ to any of these questions then YOU BETTER CHECK YO SELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YO SELF!!!

Hello Keanu, the movie where Key and Peele get themselves into a world of trouble trying to save a kitten, by acting a fool, for the benefit of me and you.  It’s like a longform Key & Peele episode, that kinda feels like it forms juss a little too long, but you’ll laugh here and there, AND YOU WILL LAUGH, and enjoy yourself throughout!

And there’s a kitten!  And Will Forte and Method Man, and Tiffany Haddish, who is one to watch, so WATCH OUT!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Keanu reeves it at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Elstree 1976
Wars‘ Little Known Stars
Kickstarter | Trailers & Mo
Unrated | 101 min

Ever wonder what is was like to be in Star Wars, even if the role was smaller than your butthole, and what life after being in Star Wars was like??? Director/writer/editor Jon Spira wisely answered this question and interviewed 10 of these lucky souls (and we’re lucky he documented these peoples stories before these peoples and their experiences passed on in life)

So the question is, do you want to know what it was like to be…

David Prowse – the body, but not the voice of Darth Vader???

or course you do!

–

how bout Paul Blake – HE SHOT SECOND!!!! – as Greedo???

(although they never touch that HOT topic)

–

Jeremy Bulloch is the body of Boba, but can you believe this is the guy under that helmet???

he’s slick & cool in a different way!

–

or that creepy pilot (Angus MacInnes) who crept behind Leia?

duh!  and you’d learn why he kept looking down while piloting an X-wing

and you will NEVER be able to unlearn it and you will never look at his scenes the same!

–

or how about poor Garrick Hagon who had a big role as Biggs Darklighter??

dude got the shaft, but dude is STILL all class

–

or what about the guy (Anthony Forrest) who said ‘these aren’t the droids we’re looking for‘??

did you know he also had another role in the film that was also cut too??  YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T!!!

–

or how about Laurie Goode – who MAY be the stormtrooper who hit his head on the blast door!!!???

these are the stories Harrison, Carrie or Mark CANNOT tell us!

–

what about a rare woman in the cast - Pam Rose???

(although to be honest, I’ve never seen her blink and you missed it part in the Cantina)

–

or what about the dude in the hat who handed out medals!!!???

I mean, doesn’t that dude (Derek Lyons) deserve to tell his story??? (although he kinda comes off sounding a lot like David Brent, which is amazing in its own way)

–

or what about some random extra (John Chapman)??

who has even upset the c-list Star Wars actors as trying to pass himself off as being a Star Wars actor… but he IS a Star Wars actor, even if he was juss an extra!

–

you LOVE Star Wars and these people were IN Star Wars and they have stories about life before, during and after Star Wars, and you need to hear them.  And if you don’t think so, I may have to FORCE this on to be with you

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Eslstree wars its lesser peeps currently in limited release OR you can rent it on Amazon

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Miles Ahead
Horns & Thorns
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

Don Cheadle IS Miles Davis in a movie he co-wrote, produced and directed and starred in AND PLAYED MUSIC IN – Miles Ahead.  I don’t know exactly what Miles Davis is or was (of course I know his music, and his funky 70s-80s hair), but whatever Don is doing as Miles is now Miles Davis to me.  WAY TO GO DON!!  And nice job directing your first movie!  So when are you making the Canadian version - Kilometers Ahead?

You can feel the fcuk out of the passion in this passion project, and cause you can feel this passion, you can ignore any minor squabbles one might have with the movie – like Michael Stuhlbarg‘s mustache, or Ewan McGregor in general, or its choppiness, ans sometimes dopiness, or not getting a full picture of Miles’ life, BUT I dug on Cheadle as Davis, even if most of it was glum and glummer, and you will too, and that’s that.  But mainly we need to talk about how…

Emayatzy Corinealdi is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Miles Ahead forges ahead currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
Feta Re-Upped
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 94 min

10 minutes into My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, when the entire cast from 1 shows up to a college fair, embarrassing Nia Vardalos and John Corbett‘s kin Elena Kampouris, I thought – this movie is about to head DEEP into Awfulville and set up permanent residency there.  But somehow, it left Awfulville and headed west into Acceptableville, and then onto Itsreallynotthatbadville, and settled in juss nicely to Icantbelieveikindaenjoyedthismovieville!

I did not pay to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 – and I probably wouldn’t pay to see it knowing what I know, but I would STILL see it.  Why?  My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 is probably the most harmless movie I’ve seen in awhile – and all it wants to do is ooze ouzo happiness and in turn make you happy  

Sure, Nia Vardalos is still annoying and very annoying and super annoying, and the jokes and stereotypes are recycled from the first film, and our characters do as much growing as a Chia Pet does without seeds or water, and the script was probably written on a stack of napkins, and there’s as much drama and plot as 2 seasons of Salute Your Shorts combined, and it’s kinda too much of a Rita Wilson vanity project (she produced it, gave herself a small role, AND sings the song playing over the closing credits), but who cares?

If you enjoyed spending ANY amount of time with this ‘zany’ Greek-American family 14 years ago, you can probably survive, and actually enjoy a reunion with them today, and maybe even laff a little, like I did – pretty much anytime Andrea Martin or Michael Constantine said or did anything

Opa!

But seriously Nia, no love for the Gyro poster girl???

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Greek invents happiness at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

10 Cloverfield Lane
Archie Bunkered
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 103 min

I’ve always looked at Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Brie Larson as hip modern hottie awesome acting equals.  They’ve shared credits in two movies – the too cool for its own good Scott Pilgrim vs. the World + the not another teeny movie The Spectacular Now, and they share my love and attention

Brie hit the jackpot with Room, but methinks Mary Elizabeth Winstead could have pulled off the role too.  And how do I know this?  Winstead got a Room of her own – in 10 Clovefield Lane – a not so-sequel sequel to the kinda meh 2008 movie without a # or street type.  But in Cloverfield Lane, ME Winstead isn’t stuck in a room with her kid (so there’s not much to sniffle about here) – she’s a girl stuck in a bunker with a crackpot John Goodman and a bearded John Gallagher Jr (who played Brie’s boyfriend in the great Short Term 12), and it’s weird and strange and mysterious and it keeps you guessing and stuff, all in a good AND uneasy way

Cloverfield Lane aint no Room, cause it’s Room meets The Martian meets 28 Days Later.  Explaining why it’s all those meetings would give things away, and I don’t want to give away any of the fun of this fun movie, that’s not really fun, but it is, but it isn’t

Sure, Winstead won’t be getting any Oscar noms for her peformance in Cloverfield, but she’s juss as good as Larson is in her Room.  Life isn’t fair, Oscars are certainly not fair, but if there were an awards for bestest eyes, Winstead would beat out Larson easily and breezily.  The eyes have it, and Winstead’s have me, for always and 5ever

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Creepers

Cloverfield bunkers down at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…