“Tree of Dead” production background from The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, 1949

[HA]

Colonel Ichabod Bennet Crane (July 18, 1787 – October 5, 1857) was a career military officer for 48 years and the probable namesake of the protagonist in Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

While Washington Irving did not expressly admit that the character is named after Colonel Crane, the two men had met in 1814 at Fort Pike located on Lake Ontario in Sackets Harbor, New York.  Irving was an aide-de-camp to New York Govenor Daniel D Tompkins, who was inspecting defenses in the Sackets Harbor area. Crane’s somewhat unusual and memorable first name Ichabod comes from the biblical name of the grandson of Eli the High Priest and son of Phinehas

here lies Ichabod – not in Sleepy Hollow, but in Staten Island! 

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2015

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Twelvethie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!!

Me and Earl and The Dying Girl

this movie makes me so mad cause it tries so hard to be cool and its the furthest thing from coeol, but it’s the closet thing to sucking poop from an ass

_

Most Entenmann’staining
Film of the Year

The Danish Girl

which was sadly NOT about danishes

_

 

The 6th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

I still don’t get the deal that is

Rooney Mara

(who looks exactly like Disney’s Ichabod Crane)

_

 

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
She Didn’t Like
Girl of The Year

 

Alicia Vikander

who had 7 flix released in 2015!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

_

Hairing Is Caring

Paul Giamatti as two different assholes
with two different asshole wigs

runner up – the wigs of The Big Short

_

Nice Piece of Glass

Iris Apfel’s and her
endless collection of glasses

_

Cry Me A Rivers

Melissa does mom Joan proud in Joy

_

Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The Bobbies!

these bobs are muy deniro!

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

we wants 2eat Courtney Eaton
2 the max

 & 

she’s fast AND she’s furious

 & 

Anne Hathaway’s sweater puppies
in The Intern

&

I’d follows Maika Monroe anywhere

+

Spectrefapping

_

 

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Scariest Eyes

Johnny Depp’s scary ass
depp blue eyes!!!!

 in Black Mass

_

Würstest Date Movie of 2014

Son of Saul

_

 

Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

Raffey Cassidy

&

Evan Bird

_

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

The John Hughes Driving Tour I Sorta Invented!

Han Solo Hands Things to Rey

GENE HACKMAN AS DOC BROWN??????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carrie Fisher’s adorable daughter Billie Lourd

THAT GUY is married to a 4 time Academy Award winning costume designer!!!!!

Buddy Ebsen was going to play the Tin Man in the 1939 version of The Wizard of Oz

Major League cards by Topps

THERE WERE FEMALE PILOTS IN RETURN OF THE JEDI!!!

a street called Lois Lane

Margot Kidder is SuperFLY!!!!!!!!

 

Woody Allen toots

Happy 99th Birthday Olivia de Havilland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Two Women With The Ass Crack Dress

The Kid from Left Field

two VHS tape covers/posters that made me wish I didn’t have eyes as a kid, and STILL creep me out to this very day

The Story of Star Wars 8-track

Funko’s ReAction action figures!!!

+

_

 

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

NWA’s greatest hits

‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ (Violin version) from COBAIN: Montage of Heck

‘You Could’ve Been A Lady’ by Hot Chocolate from Mistress Ameirca

Ellie Goulding – ‘Love Me Like You Do’

the Carol Sountrack

the Joy soundtrack

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 

_

 

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

The Lady In The Van / Under Milk Wood / 90 Minutes in Heaven / The Duff / Inside Out / The Longest Ride / Trumbo / The Big Short / Run All Night / Boonie Bears: Mystical Winter / Steve Jobs

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Doodles Weaver

& Man Mountain Dean

& Steele Stebbins 

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘016

Bridge of Thighs

Uranus Descending 

The Woman from A.U.N.T.

Untitled Unfunny Judd Apatow Movie

Breasts of Some Nation

Terminator Levitycus

Magic Mike XS

33 Jump Street: Generations

15 Fast, 15 Furious

_

 

In Memoriam

Spock

Dracula/Scaramanga/Lord Summerisle/Saruman/Count Sudoku

Omar Sharif

Wes

 

Albert Maysles

 

The Other Dick Van + Jerry’s Wife/Ben’s Mom/Anne Meara + THE John Steed + Jason Voorhees’ mom + Stand By Me‘s Milo Pressman

Fagin

Leatherface & Maureen O’Hara

that suave-ass French actor who was in Octopussy

One Crazy Negron
& Rod Taylor and Ekberg

+ the guy who designed this

Dean Jones & Dickie Moore
& Jean Darling

Cindy Mancini

That Woman From Every 80s/90s Movie

Uggie

&

Mister Deltoid

_

 

don’t forget to peep out our ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Carol
Shopgirl Meets World
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 118 min

Love me some Todd Haynes.  Love how he can make a movie look like an Edward Hopper painting.  He obviously tries to do that time and time again, and I applaud him, and he’s so good at doing it, and cause Edward Hopper is my favorite artist ever, and he should be yours too.  The thing that makes Edward Hopper’s paintings so incredible, and unforgettable – is the sense of quiet, loneliness, and emptiness.  Unfortunately, for Haynes’ latest – Carol – it feels a lot too empty

Carol is based on the The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith.  Highsmith is no stranger to Hollywood – having many of her works adapted for the big screen – and with great artistic and cinematic success – notably Hitchcock’s Strangers On A Train (one of my all time favs) and Anthony Minghella’s The Talented Mr. Ripley (one of the late 90s best movies).  Most of her books deal with homosexuality, either overtly, or subtly.  I wouldn’t know for sure, since I don’t know how to read, but take my word for it – she loves the gay stuff

Carol is about two women – one young and naive, and the other older, jaded and about to be divorced – and how they cross paths and hearts, and touch boobs.  The younger one is Rooney Mara, and the elder one is Cate Blanchett.  Blanchett does her thing – that elegant socialite thing I feel like she can do in her sleep.  She’s kinda like the woman she was in that Woody Allen movie, but maybe a little more together, and a lot more 1950s looking.  Mara does her Rooney thing, which is to stare blankly into space with those cold blue eyes, and make those Disney’s Ichabod Crane faces she makes (and looks exactly like in general)

I don’t get Rooney Mara.  I mean, she knows how to act (they don’t show her flubbing her lines), but I don’t get her.  She’s not really that attractive (not important, but kinda is – these are women we talking about), or even all that amazing of an actress.  I wonder what her sister Kate thinks.  She’s like – step off b!tch – I’ve been acting since 1997, and you, only since 2005, and you got an Oscar nom, and I got to be in that Fantastic Four remake no one saw.  Well, in Carol, Rooney’s like the main character, and she’s mainly blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and blank and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  The movie kinda is too.  IT ALL LOOKS SOOOO FCUKING AMAZING (to look at), but feels very empty, too empty, so empty, empty like a pocket – like the emptiest empty of all time. There are screen emotions going on – and we want these two ladies to make it work – but the emotions are left onscreen, and never transferred themselves to me.  You want a love story that will tear you apart?  Watch Love Story.  If you want a bore story, watch Carol

If only Carol were a painting, and hung in a museum – where it belongs – then it would be a masterpiece.  As a movie – it’s an Edward Hopper painting that’s not much of a movie – a ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZsterpiece

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Carol leZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZies it up in limited release tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

think it may be juss us, but don’ts Rooney Mara sorta totally look like Disney’s Ichabod Crane???!!!

ROONEY!!!!!