The Tree of Life
Endless Days of Heaven
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 138  min

What is The Tree of Life?  Is it life?  Is it tree?  Is it of?  Is it Terrence Malick‘s masterpiece above all of his other masterpieces or close to it? Is it 2+ hours of trying to be good/tuff dad Brad Pitt saying ‘hit me‘?  Is it 32 minutes of Sean Penn looking glum and tired, as his walks around cool modern buildings in Texas AND dusty western vistas?  Is it trying to compare wonderful and volatile mother nature vs wonderful and fancy-free mother nurture (Jessica Chastain), who obeys her husband, adores her children and our maker, runs on beds and sometimes floats on air?  Is it playful and mischievous, like their three sons (Hunter McCracken, Laramie Eppler and Tye Sheridan)?  Is it the bestest planetarium footage not seen in a planetarium?  Is it really that sunshiney every 8 seconds? Is it Sunday thru Saturday Evening Post beyond picture perfect looking? Is it really only released in a 2-D version?  Is it the most thoughtful dinosaur movie that isn’t a dinosaur movie?  Is it truly meaningful or is it juss a bunch of phooey baloney or is it both?  Is it poetry in motion?  Is it motion in poetry?  Is it one long montage meditation trying to pass itself off as a movie? Is it even a movie?  Is it over our heads?  Is it the 2001 II we’ve all been waiting for?  Is it American, while feeling and being foreign cause American flicks are barely this ambitious and beautiful anymore?  Is it possible that some other movie could one-up this and win Best Picture?  Is it possible you will hate this cause of its loose narrative?  Is it possible yer an idiot if you boo this?

Is it all of these things?  Is it not?  IS IT???

House As A Life: let the pilgrimages begin!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Tree is miracle growing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The People vs. George Lucas
Sith It To The Man
Official Website & Trailers
Not Rated | 93 min

For those of us who grew up in the age of Star Wars (1977-1983), nothing could have soiled our love for that galaxy far far away… until our galaxies were tweaked and lightly bastardized in the 1997 re-releases.  Greedo shot first?  More like Georgie Lucas made wurst!!!  OK, so that’s kinda minor stuff now, hispecially when compared with what came next – the prequels (1999 – 2005).  Do we even need to talk about them?????????????  At first glance, we sorta thought that they were sorta a’ight, sorta, but we were just denying the fact that they were three of the biggest disappointments and tragedies of modern cinema.  Sure, how was George ever gonna recapture that same magic, and how could we ever expect him to?  But still, did he have to hand in such pieces of junk??? WHY DEAR LORD VADER, WHY????

If you feel like we feel, or like most people feel who grew up with Kenner action figures glued to their hands, you’re angry and disillusioned, and yet, nothing can take away that love for the original trilogy.  This sums up the beyond entertaining, preaching to the choir doc that is The People vs George Lucas, which features plenty of fan-fun and fan-dumb (but sadly, no Red Letter Media love).  Sure, the bullets points are beyond obvious (Jar Jar stanks), but that didn’t stop our heads from non-stop shaking in agreement with em, as well as shuddering at the thought of what was, what is and what could have been.  By George!  Bye George!!!

For Better or Wars: looking for more Star Wars stuff? TWS is full of it!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

The People have spoken in NY, in LA this Friday and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Certified Copy
The Reel Deal
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

She’s a bitter Betty.  He’s a pompous jerk.  She’s an antique dealer that can speak English, Italian and French.  He’s an English writer who learned a couple of paragraphs of Italian, so he has something to say at his book singing in Tuscany.  She wants to get a few signed copies of his book, naturally titled Certified Copy (read the wiki entry on ‘certified copy’), even if she doesn’t care for the book.  He’s happy to sign a few books, and doesn’t seem to care what she thinks.  He has an afternoon free, so she takes him on a lil countryside tour.  At first, they appear to be total strangers, but as time passes, maybe they’re not!  Maybe they’re a married couple with married problems, or maybe they’re just playing it as so (after they are mistaken as a married couple), and THUS becoming a certified copy of a married couple! How profound, and yes, it hactually all is!

She is Juliette Binoche, and her character is listed as ‘she’.  He is William Shimell, a first time actor, all-time operatic baritone, and his character is James Miller.  She acts like a pro (cause she is one, and she might juss be our mos flavorite actress alive!!! eat that Lohan).  He, not so much, cause he’s never acted before, but it works quite well for Iranian writer/director Abbas Kiarostami‘s lil exercise in what is real, and what is not, and where the lines blur, and where they are clear (not so clear in many places!).  As you can probably tell, Kiarostami’s first film outside of his native country is equally as fascinating as it is frustrating

Why is she taking out all of her life’s troubles on him?  Is she projecting, or does he deserve it?  Why is he such a bastard?  Can he not play along, or is he guilty of being a bad husband, or person in general?  These aren’t rhetorical questions folks.  They are questions we are still wrestling with weeks after seeing it.  Remember, if yer still thinking about a film well after the fact, then that’s usually a really good sign of quality filmmaking. And yet, that’s also the case if the film is a disaster on the eyes and mind (Enter The Void???) or is juss a piece of sh$t or both (Zardoz?????)

Some moviegoers take ease, tanning under fluff like Under The Tuscan Sun, but why not take the hard route, and get yer mind burnt over this Tuscan sun instead.  She and he would like that, and so would we.  That’s what we said

Faking It: faking real doesn’t get much real-faker than art forger Elmyr de Hory and Howard Hughes bio hoaxer Clifford Irving, both profiled in Orson Welles’ muss see F for Fake

Verdictgo: cause weees still thinking bout it, a low end Breast In Show

Copy is 5reals this Friday in NY/LA only, elsewhere elsewhen, and on demand 3/23!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Dogtooth
The Kids Are All Wrong
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Dude,

DOGTOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Doogtooth chomps on your eyes and mind on DVD & Blu Ray AND streaming AND is still in some theaters!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Blue Valentine
Putting The ‘Mar’ In Marriage
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Heartbreak & ache never felt so painful, and perhaps never looked so good, as it does in Derek Cianfrance‘s Blue Valentine.  We saw this over 2 months ago, and it is STILL tearing our insides out.  We dare you to not walk away feeling the same.  TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!!  Flick begins with Ryan Gosling & Michelle Williams‘ (both handing in their bestestest performances to date!!!!) marriage in freefall.  The death of the family dog doesn’t help matters, and neither does that ominous, haunting yet fantastic Grizzly Bear-led soundtrack.  A ill-fated, drunken trip to a seedy motel with a future-space themed room (see below) aint the cure neither (for the couple, and apparently for them basterds over at the MPAA).  Where did their love go so wrong?  Luckily we’re treated to the happier, more tender moments of their union in flashback, but when we’re brought back to the unpleasant present, that shiny happy people shiz only makes for more blue on the Blue.  The Notebook can eat Blue Valentine‘s a$$, and so should you!

Heartmake Hotels: haven’t been able to figure out if B Val‘s theme motel hactually eggsists, but does it really matter when the Madonna Inn and its 110 themed rooms does???

but they don’t have a future-space room!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Valentine plays the Blues in NY & LA only this Wednesday, and expands to more cities January 7th

+ no time for a belated review of a movie that was released 6 months ago, but The Agony & Ecstasy of Phil Spector [trailer] is a great wall of sound AND sight!!  to know him is to love him!!!  and he hates Tony Bennett & loves Ben Wallace’s afro!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…